Dr. Laura,
On one of your podcasts, I heard a woman wanting to have her husband's opinion about her nipples after a double mastectomy. I have gone through this already, so I thought I would share my thoughts and experience.
My wife had an elective double mastectomy after having a full hysterectomy. Her mother died at age 62 from Stage IV breast cancer and my wife worried she would too, leaving our children without a mother. First, she asked me if I would support her going forward with the double mastectomy. I told her I would, if that would give her peace of mind. Really, what option did I have? No loving, caring husband is going to be so selfish as to tell their wife no.
I did everything to care for her after the surgery and during her reconstruction. My wife opted to have her nipples removed during the surgery so there was no breast tissue remaining, ensuring she could not die of breast cancer. When it came to having nipples "tatooed" on her skin, she decided not to. I guess she didn't see the need. All that remains are the scars.
Since her recovery, which has been several years ago now, she keeps her breasts covered up, even during sex. When I touched her breasts pretending they were real, she told me, "You know I don't have any feeling there" which stopped me dead in my tracks. I don't caress them now and typically ignore them. I used to really like her chest and would joke with her about having a really nice "rack", but not anymore.
So, here is my advice to your caller. Guys are good at pretending and being in denial. She should get her nipples done without a long dialogue with her husband. Once she is fully healed, she should act as if her breasts are the same as they were before. She should fake her sensitivity and act turned on, just like she used to. If her husband asks her about it, she should lie. I'd be willing to bet almost anything that he will buy it. He needs to think that he is still turning his wife on. If she acts as if nothing has changed, odds are so will he. They will have just as happy and fulfilling of a sex life as they had before.
Dr S., keep preaching! I find you are spot on about men. We are very simple creatures who don't require much. It is too bad so many women can't figure that out. If they did, I believe the divorce rate would be a fraction of what it is today. God Bless.
A.
