Hi Doctor Laura:
I was listening to a call where the woman was overwhelmed because her mother wanted her to call too often. I understand that she felt her mother was demanding but I was surprised that she thought a call every two or three days was too much.
I call my mother every day. I sometimes tell her that I only have ten minutes, but I let her tell me about her day at her assisted living residence. I give her a few newsy tidbits about what's happening with us. She's told me that she looks forward to my call, everyday. It is such a small effort for me to call and make sure everything is alright. We don't live in the same city and I can only visit twice a year. Because of these calls, we have a great relationship! I think that the best part of my calling is the effect it has had on my grown children. They have seen me call my Mom everyday, during their childhood and throughout the years. It has never interfered with their lives. I sometimes say when I call, "Mom, we are super busy but how are you? Was your day good? Everything is crazy as usual here. Love you." Sometimes it's a five minute call and sometimes it's an hour conversation.
Here are the benefits:
- When my husband and I travel, I just have to say to one of the kids, "Hey, we might not be able to call Nana..." and one of the kids will say, "Oh, I'll do the Nana call."
- The BEST thing though is when my husband travels on business. One of the kids will call me for no reason and I'll quietly think, "I'm getting a Nana call"?
I am super grateful for the lesson my kids have learned. I'm not going to interfere with their lives, but, I'm proud that I've taught them to look after their elderly relatives.
Jane
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