A few months ago, my good friend and neighbor was murdered in her office. I was asked to pick up her kids from school once they were given the news by the police. I remember telling the coroner on the phone, "I'm not qualified to talk to them- I'm not prepared. What do I say?" She calmly said, "No one is prepared or knows what to say - just listen." When I walked into the office where they were waiting, I just hugged each of them, cried a little with them, and simply said, "We will get through this." The coroner suggested I drive them to police station instead of going in a police car, making them feel like they were in trouble. On our way to the police station, I was quiet except to say, "I don't even know what to say to you guys. There are no words that will take this pain and shock away, but I will be here for you." Throughout this process, I have honestly answered their questions and remain a constant presence, encouraging them to grieve, talk about their mother, etc. There are never "right" words but what I don't say is, "It's going to be all right," because it's not! I'm honest and open, and that seems to be most effective!
Julie
