Good afternoon Dr. Laura:
I am a marital and family law attorney and prior to entering private practice, I was a domestic violence and DUI prosecutor. The bulk of my career has been spent dealing with people who, amongst other defects, cannot make good decisions. I am a committed and passionate advocate for my family law clients. So, committed and passionate that sometimes I feel very disappointed when litigation does not always go our way. However, as I was lamenting a certain case this afternoon, I thought of you and the general advice you offer your audience. Then it hit me: generally speaking - these people earn themselves into these situations by choice. They marry losers, low-lives, deadbeats, abusers, and emotional withholders and otherwise emotionally evil people in the hopes that they will fix that person or that person will be different toward them.
In the case that drove me to this email, my client keeps joking that people warned him not to marry her - even her own mother warned him that she carries a victimized attitude toward everything and is extremely selfish. So as I was feeling sad that my client won't get the relief he wants as it relates to child issues because the now ex-wife can outspend him on litigation, I began to be at peace. Peace that while I adore my client, feel empathetic toward his pain, and otherwise disappointed for him, he was warned going-in, during the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship that she would be very difficult to live with, let alone litigate against down the road. And I realized that this is not my movie - this is my client's. He chose to marry her and make a baby all while being warned in advance. His pain was 100% avoidable.
So, what I implore your audience to do is simple: listen to those around you who warn you about others. Listen to Dr. Laura as she explains the proper timing of a marriage - and I don't mean chronologically. I mean timing in the sense of: can this guy support you and is he willing to, have you discussed some basic, yet highly important issues like child-rearing, religion, and finances, have you completed pre-marital counseling, is he/she willing to accept that the marital family is the primary family, etc.?
And I'd like to throw in that, please don't have unprotected sex unless you're married and ready for children. The "shacked-up paternity" cases are very sad. Women have no financial protection; men have no rights without going through expensive litigation which takes months and sometimes years.
Sincerely,
A Family Law Attorney
