By Peter Sacco
petersacco.com
Why is it so ridiculously difficult to keep your resolutions? Two things occur that derail resolutions-- procrastination and wrong intention setting.
Procrastination is very destructive in that it hinders your ability to evolve or move positively. Procrastination keeps people from achieving their goals, dreams and living to higher standards. The subsequent problem is procrastination becomes habitual, even addictive for some. Did you know you can procrastinate about procrastinating?
Intentions are the plans or goals for achieving the 'somethings' you set your sights on. Everyone has goals and "intentions" no matter how small/large they are. Intentions can be tangible (materialistic) or intangible (life changes). When it comes to resolutions, the intentions that most people create for themselves are of the intangible nature. Ironically, it is the intangible ones that people usually have the greatest difficulty carrying out and achieving.
Procrastination is usually learned from one of three major experiences: from observing parents or primary caregivers who themselves procrastinate, those who allow children to get away with not doing what is asked of them and then not correcting it, or having something traumatic occur that eventually hinders people from attempting things.
Some individuals become habituated/addicted to procrastination as this becomes a "lifestyle" for them. They use procrastination to avoid anything that they perceive to be potentially unpleasant, or may result in failure. In the past they might have experienced an unfortunate event where they made a mistake or failed at something only to receive ridicule, and felt bad about it. One or more experiences like these could render a person helpless, as they begin to perceive anything that involves risk or change on their part as having the potential to be emotionally damaging. Procrastination causes your mindset to revert back to the negative memories from your past.
When you continually procrastinate, you set negatively charged intentions (your resolutions) that are destined to lead to failure. This is called self-talk. Your unconscious voice tells you how things are and how it's always been, as you have not changed it with new positive scripts.
Intentions are usually created and put forward based on what you are telling yourself. Unfortunately, most come with 2 negative under-linings:
- Telling yourself what you 'don't' want anymore.
- Why things 'never' work out.
The unconscious mind only does what it is told. It is your memory storage, much like a computer. When you continually put the same thoughts in, they become like 'cookies' on your web browser whereby you only have to type in the first couple of letters and you are at the memory site. Your unconscious mind cannot discern what you really want versus what you do not want. It goes on autopilot selecting what is often chosen--the bad habits you are currently doing-- and those bad habits that you "don't want to do any longer".
The solution to failed resolutions is all in the words you speak, namely to yourself! Focus on what it is that you do want. State what you want, believe you can achieve it, feel the outcome of having it, and know you deserve it. Stop asking negative questions like, "Why not me?", or "What about me?" When you ask these types of questions, you are setting up an internal argument for how unfair life is. You are a victim-- "Woe is me!"
The greatest battle most people ever engage in is the war waged between their ears-in their minds. Too many people believe things are as they are and accept it. Wrong! You have a mind and it is up to you to choose your thoughts that create your feelings, the ones that bring about positive change. It is up to you to make the changes that you want in your life, and it is truly easier than you think because after all, you are in charge!
Peter Andrew Sacco Ph.D. has received the Award of Excellence in Teaching and lectures at universities in the US and Canada. He hosts the weekly hit radio show, "Matters of the Mind," featuring experts and celebrities with whom he discusses mental health, relationships and addiction issues. An award-winning executive producer, he has hosted many documentaries on relationships, psychological issues and child issues. He is the author of 25 books and over 700 articles. For more information visit www.petersacco.com and www.bullyingisforthebirds.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
