It Takes A Village Dear Dr. Laura; My wife and I are parents of 5 boys and 1 girl. Three of my oldest boys are Eagle Scouts the youngest son is well on his way. Our daughter (the youngest) is now 5 years old. Our oldest is currently serving with the military in Iraq and was at the tip of the spear that took Baghdad. The other day I was listening to a talk show where the subject of Hillary Clinton#146;s book #147;It Takes a Village#148; was the subject. I am a Cowboy poet so incredulity lead me to write the following poem which I put in a mother#146;s day card for my mother this year. I hope you enjoy it as much as she did. God bless you for supporting the values that made this nation great. And for having the wisdom to understand that strong families, not government, are the foundation of a great society. Bill IT TAKES A VILLAGE? BY WILLIAM R. GUBLER Maybe it#146;s just me But I don#146;t rightly see how that can be. A village could never give you life or teach you to say your prayers at night. A village would never kiss your bumps or read to you layin#146; in bed with the mumps. A village would never help you fix upold pick-up trucks Or teach you how to rope or stay on a horse that bucks. A village would never teach you to huntor fish. To teach you self-reliance is too much torisk. A village would never wait up whenyou#146;ve worked late at night with hot bread, peach preserve and milkfor an evening#146;s respite. And when yer wild oats are all sown And into a man you#146;ve fully grown, A village never willingly takes you backwith open arms, a robe and kills the fatted calf. A village would never care to meet yourbride to be or throw you a party when you turn 23. And when your kids have grown, andbegin their life#146;s toil a village will never bring their youngones by to love and spoil. As I see it, what makes a village a pleasant place to be is parents who care like the ones that raised me. It takes a village? To believe that is sad. Cuz, all it really takes, always will andAlways has, is Mom Dad. More >>

Protecting Children Good Morning Dr. Laura, I didn#146;t get to listen to all your show so I am a little short winded today. I did however, read your article about penalties for sex offenders. I am glad that there are initiatives out there like the SafeKids Project and I-833, One Strike You're Out for sex offenders with harsher penalties. A year ago when I was back in Illinois, I used to run outside, even late at night at 9:00 p.m. Where I live now, I mainly stick to running at the gym or in the park due to the high rate of perpetrators who are walking free. I am glad that you advocate for such a good cause. I noticed in your counseling background that you specialize in Marriage and Family Therapy. When I was doing my counseling Practicum in a private practice, I had one couple come in to receive therapy and that was enough for me. It seems as if counseling is the last resort before couples get a divorce. I really can#146;t stand all the bickering that goes on! I will work with individuals, children, youth, and families in the future. Have a good weekend. Prayers and X, Nicole More >>

Being True To Yourself Dear Dr. Laura, The first thing I want to say to you is thank you, thank you so much. I just finished reading your book #147; Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives #148; it#146;s just amazing what you#146;ve helped me see and realize about myself. I am 29 years old, single and the survivor of a dysfunctional family. I have spend much of the last five years working on bettering my self through therapy, religion and self knowledge, despite my many emotional setbacks, I#146;ve managed, in my life, to do a lot of things that don#146;t come so easy for many women and even less for women from my country which is Mexico. I always knew that having an education would be vital for my survival, formation and wellbeing, so despite my family#146;s opposition I went to Mexico City to attend one of our finest schools and got my BA. After graduation I enjoyed working and living the independent single women#146;s life. A couple of years later I set another goal for myself and again, against my family#146;s opposition, I had the incredible experience of living, working and studying in Paris for almost two years and one year of travel across Europe, the Middle East and Asia. I have now been back home for the last five months trying to get a life and facing the family I#146;ve run away from all these years which has been very confronting. After reading your book I#146;ve realized something I had never been able to see before, despite all my accomplishments, deep down, I#146;ve always felt miserable, I never knew exactly why but now I understand it#146;s because of one simple thing, I have been basing my self worth on two things: men and my family#146;s approval or disapproval of me. I have never had a relationship Dr Laura, never, and that#146;s been in part because of my fears and always going for the wrong type of guys, I have been very needy and unrealistic in that sense. I#146;ve always felt less for not having a man while all the women around me seem to have them with such ease. My desperation has not been so much as to actually having a man with me, but it has been more in the sense of what not being able to have a man says about me. I am starting to understand that I can#146;t base my self worth in having or not having a man, it#146;s just so stupid to waste my life waiting for a man to come and give me better credentials, what about everything I#146;ve done, fought for and who I am, wouldn#146;t that be enough? I thank God I haven#146;t gotten married yet, I really do, now I see that it#146;s more than ok to be single, it gives you the opportunity to grow, mature and betters your chances at choosing correctly and for the right reasons. With regards to my family, I#146;ve carried around, without even realizing it, all this guilt for not having lived up to their expectations, it didn#146;t stop me from living my life but the sad part is that I#146;ve done all these great things (studying, working, traveling, learning, challenging and confronting myself and being independent, not robbing banks) but with guilt, I remember feeling guilty because I was in school, for example, or because I was backpacking through India, and how stupid is that? I#146;m happy that I am starting to understand what#146;s going on with me, life isn#146;t about living up to other people#146;s expectations or having a man, it#146;s about being true to yourself, I will never please my family or meet their standards and it#146;s ok, my life has been great and I will now start to thank God for it everyday and I thank you so much Dr Laura, what you stand for represents exactly how I want to live today, I#146;m just sorry I don#146;t have a visa to enter the United States because if I did I#146;d just go look for you to give you a great big hug, Thanks and love Ivette C. Tijuana, Mexico More >>

Sometimes It's Better To Let Nature Take Its Course Dear Dr. Schlessinger, Yesterday a man phoned you whose tremble was uncomfortably recognizable to me. He was undergoing the beginning of a nightmare. Thank God you offered him help via a referral. He and his wife had recently terminated a five month pregnancy after doctors had recommended it due to the terminal condition of their unborn child. I haven't talked about it because as empathetic as people can be, no one really gets this one unless you've been there. It's worse even for the mother, because the child was placed directly in your care for these nine months. No one else's. Ultimately, that child has no one but YOU. At the first ultra sound we discovered my little girl had a severe case of hydrocephalus coupled with Downs Syndrome. We saw three Doctors, all who said she had such a severe case, that the water on her brain was preventing her brain from forming. All three said she would not come to term, and if by some miracle she did, she would not survive birth. I saw the ultrasound pictures, and all I can remember was she was sucking her thumb. We had a fourteen month old toddler at the time and for days my sweet little boy witnessed me fall to my knees, on my face and on the floor. "Is mommy OK?" he would say and place his tiny hand on my head. I was nursing him, and his need for me got me through those unspeakable days. Everyone was telling me that ending the pregnancy would save my unborn daughter from horrific pain, save my little boy from watching his mommy fall apart and waive the risk to me. We decided to go ahead with the termination, but continued to pray for a miracle. I know that doesn't make sense, but I was also still consciously eating for her down to the right portions of protein, greens, carbs, etc. Nothing about those days made sense. I insisted on having the doctor wheel in the ultrasound machine right before termination to see if we'd had our miracle. Nothing had changed. Upon checking me, he said that I was already starting to naturally dilate. Why I didn't speak up and say, then let's wait and see what happens naturally, I'll never know. I was drugged with a cocktail that was supposed to help me through what was about to happen. This kind of prompted delivery was to take 24 hours, and I delivered in less than 9. The hope that perhaps God was taking my daughter, instead of this being at my hands, is all I have. I'll always remember one of my doctors, the Christian one, saying, "No, she won't make it, but sometimes it's better to let nature take its course." I was too scared to listen. Now, with all my heart I wish I had listened to him. Even though it's 6 years later, were it not for my son, I don't think I'd be here today. The pain simply does not go away. Sincerely, A Friend More >>

Dear Dr. Laura: I#146;m a 54 year old father of 6, I have been married for 29 years, same woman. As an attorney I practiced family law for five years and then switched to personal injury and am very glad not to any longer be part of the divorce epidemic. I have been active in youth programs my whole married life, coached soccer, basketball, baseball, tennis and have been a scoutmaster on several occasions, mostly to be more closely involved with my own children. I love being a coach and seeing the progress and growth. My youngest is now 18 and I have 4 grandchildren. I also had the opportunity from 1993 to 1998 to be a volunteer Chaplin at MCRD in San Diego. My job along with 4 other members of my faith was to go to MCRD each Sunday and put on a church meeting for the young men who were in boot camp. Part of my role at MCRD was to interview any young man who requested counseling. Our meetings were attended by as few as 25 and as many as 200 recruits and each Sunday for 5 years I personally interviewed between 10 and 15 young men (2500 -3500 total) This was a marvelous experience and I came away having learned much about the struggles of our young people and the challenges they face. Three important things I would like to share with you. First, It was always incredibly impressive to go to graduation and see the end result of 12 weeks of Marine Corp Boot Camp. . We saw great strides physically, mentally, and most importantly spiritually in the young men we worked with. Since recruits cannot smoke, drink alcohol, or date loose women while in boot camp, they build a spiritual foundation which helps support their physical and mental goals. In other words because they are behaving themselves, they are much more enlightened and more capable as they face physical and mental challenges. Graduates not only feel good about their muscles and knowledge, but also about their character. I encouraged every recruit that I could to maintain the standards of boot camp after graduation. They went from weak to strong, from unsure to confident, from ignorant to knowledgeable, from irreverent to serious. They came in dirty and went out clean. It was very positive. Second, I listened to several confessions every week, and 9 out of 10 were for sexual immorality. (As a family law attorney, I noticed that the vast majority of couples seeking divorce started the marriage with a baby on the way.) There is no question that sexual immorality is destructive to character and inhibits growth, and detracts from forming meaningful relationships. I struggled with how to teach this principle. It seemed clear in the scriptures that God ranked sexual immorality nearly as high as murder and the spiritual consequences that I saw in each and every offender backed up the seriousness of the sin but the challenge was to convince these 18 and 19 year olds. In focusing on the problem, I received the following incite: The reason God puts so much emphasis on sexual immorality is because like murder it is one of the sins that can actually change God#146;s plan for his children. God doesn#146;t want to send a child into this world to some 14 year old high school freshman who is pregnant out of wedlock, anymore than he wants a human life ended pre-maturely on the battlefield, but he often has to. From that point on I taught morality by comparing sexual sin to murder. Just as murder takes a person out of life before their time, sexual immorality creates living beings, destroys marriages and causes death, all of which change the course of many lives. Every young man I interviewed knew they shouldn#146;t kill and I was now able to give them a good reason why they shouldn#146;t have sex before marriage. Further I could clearly see why Satan works so hard to promote murder and sex, the two most effective tools in messing up God#146;s plan. Third, Every week I would listen to repentant young men, wanting desperately to get their spiritual lives in order before going to the battlefield. I heard over and over the similar story of going to a party, drinking beer, and having sex with some girl they met at the party, on occasion that girl would wind up pregnant. I got sick of this scenario, party, beer, sex #150; party, beer, sex. It was so frequent. As I thought about it, I couldn#146;t think of another product that causes more damage in the world, than beer. This might sound silly or fanatical but there are more deaths on the highway, more child and spousal abuse, more jobs lost, more pre-marital and extra-marital sex, done in combination with this one product than any other product I could think of. I am convinced that it#146;s one of those evils in the world that is made to look socially acceptable and has underlying social, moral, and economical damages beyond compare. Under aged drinking is only part of the problem. Even those who #147;drink responsibly#148; are donating to the cause. If beer is the tool used for such a vast network of evil and destruction, then every time a person buys a single beer they just gave a dollar to this destructive conspiracy. The beer companies don#146;t have the best advertising spots because their products are so beneficial, they simply make the most money. These are evil people, with evil designs, who promote a product that excuses and encourages destructive behavior. Yes, there are other products that when used irresponsibly become dangerous, but beer has no redeeming value, it#146;s not helpful to society, it#146;s addicting, and it#146;s promoted as a fun loving product without side affects. I have also had the joy of seeing the other side in my own children and in many others that I have worked with through the years. Those that refrain from premarital sex, and don#146;t drink and smoke are not bound down by the lasting effects and they certainly don#146;t miss out. How do so many fall for that big lie that they are missing out. Thank you for you good work, I truly believe you change lives for the better each day. I hope that some of the above might be of use. Thank you again, I love you for what you are doing. Sincerely, Ronald P. More >>

Dear Dr. Laura, Your show has recently returned to our airwaves in Reno on AM 1450, after being bumped by Bill O#146;Reilly one year ago. I was very happy to hear your voice coming through the radio in my big ol#146; girl truck. Today I encountered a situation in which I was compelled to find my voice and speak (also known as not acting like a weenie). I went to a sandwich shop for lunch. As I stood in line, 3 young girls and one young boy entered the shop. They appeared to be 12 to 13 years old. One of the girls was dressed in low slung cargo pants, with her underwear visible. She wore a dingy, white tube top with spaghetti straps, midriff exposed. She was paired with the boy, who wasn#146;t even shaving yet! They both appeared pre-pubescent. The 2 girls stood in line, while the boy and girl marched to the center of the shop and proceeded to kiss, pet and neck very heatedly. The only thing the boy didn#146;t do was lay her on one of the tables a la #147;Bull Durham#148;. On either side of me in line were 2 mothers, one with her 14-year-old son. The 14-year-old looked on the tableau with disgust and the moms and I talked in self-righteous, shocked tones, rhetorically asking each other where the children#146;s mothers were. The children#146;s behavior continued unabated for about 20 minutes. Many parents were in the shop - looking, whispering, but doing nothing. My mind raced; what could I say that would have an impact? That would change what they were doing? I felt powerless to do anything. But I was disgusted by the behavior and sad for the girl#146;s apparent lack of self-respect and self-worth. I paid for my lunch and began to leave. I turned around sharply and went back to counter where the kids were. The boy had his arm around the girl and he nuzzled her neck. I knew I had to say something, even as I knew they would probably spit in my face. I tapped him on the shoulder and said, #147;Young man...#148; He said, #147;Yeah?#148; I asked, #147;Do you respect your girlfriend?#148; His eyes narrowed and he said, #147;Yeah.#148; I asked, #147;Then why are you pawing at her in public like she#146;s a two-dollar prostitute?#148; He snarled, #147;Why don#146;t you mind your own business?!#148; I said, #147;You#146;ve made it my business.#148; One of the other girls threw her arms around the girl and shouted, #147;She#146;s my two-dollar prostitute!#148; The girl#146;s face froze with shock and fear. I quickly left, because I believed it was a conversation that I would not win. My goal was not to win, but to put a tiny mustard seed of thought in those kids#146; heads about what they were doing. Additionally, I thought maybe the other adults in the shop would be galvanized into action, by my actions. I related the story to a couple of my friends, who commended me for speaking up. I proudly told my husband, who said what I#146;d done wouldn#146;t do any good. Maybe not. Maybe not today, or next week. But there is one thing I have learned in my 42 years - I#146;m responsible for keeping my pond clean. I#146;m in law enforcement and while it seems evil washes in an endless tide, I know that when I drop one pebble in my part of the pond, the ripples radiate out from me and touch others. Rarely do I see people become outraged by what they see and hear. I have no problem finding and speaking my voice when I#146;m on duty. I#146;m going to work a little bit harder at finding and speaking it, when I#146;m not on duty. That#146;s when it#146;s easier to look the other way, mutter about what#146;s wrong with kids these days and go home without doing something about it. Reno is a small town and you never know with whom you#146;re speaking. But if I had kids and I trusted them enough to let them out with their friends, you better Hong Kong believe I#146;d want someone to tell me if they saw them acting up away from me. Thanks for what you do, Dr. Laura. Sometimes I#146;m perceived to be too rigid, too conservative. As I have grown older, the path has narrowed. Sincerely, Cindy B. More >>

I Expected Much More From You As A Man Dear Dr. Laura: I have been listening to you for over one year and I have put several things you#146;ve said into action. Well, I did it again!! I went to a party and was quickly told by my friend, the hostess, that she had found out the week before that her husband has been having an affair with his employee for over two and a half years. She was devastated, literally sick to her stomach, and doing all she could to keep composed, so as not to ruin her son#146;s fourth birthday. Her husband had actually asked her to cancel the party #147;to not traumatize the child.#148; Oh, so NOW he#146;s concerned!! Wishing I could do something and as a sign of loyalty, I asked my friend what she wanted me to do when the RAT arrived: treat him like I was not aware or send him to H%#L. She said to do whatever was in my heart. I decided it would be better to ignore/avoid him altogether. He, however, approached me and said, (smirking, might I add), #147;So I guess you heard what happened,#148; as if he had nothing to do with it, like an unintended accident, no sign of taking responsibility for his revolting actions! I was flabbergasted and unprepared but I just couldn#146;t remain silent. Then I remembered your comments that decent people sometimes don#146;t say anything, for the wrong reasons. All I could think was #147;I expected much more from you, as a man.#148; The smirk disappeared. He lowered his head down and meekly said, #147;You#146;re right. I know,#148; and turned away, with the wind blown out of his cocky sails. At that moment I realized NO ONE had expressed disgust for his behavior. He couldn#146;t believe that I actually said something!! Many people would say not to get involved, because if they work things out, you#146;re the odd man out. But I say what#146;s wrong is wrong and to act like nothing has happened is to excuse the wrongdoer#146;s behavior. Maybe, if people were scared of being called on the carpet they might be more cautious about what they do!! Aileen More >>

Still Using The Daycare Even After Death Lancaster police file arrest warrants after 2-year-old dies Dr. Laura- The part of this story that horrified me the most was that local radio reported today that the daycare remains open pending the investigation and children were being dropped off there this morning. Keep fighting the good fight. I am a stay-at-home mom to my 6 month old daughter because of you. -Bobbi More >>

Putting Aside Our Personal Desires When Faced With Decisions THANK YOU!!!Dear Dr. Laura, Thank you for your continued insistence that we put aside our personal desires when faced with decisions. This message helped me guide my daughter through the most important moral dilemma of her life. Each year at Christmas I give my daughters a silver charm that signifies an important event in their life that year; a tiny car for the newly licensed driver, or a horse for my equestrian. But this year the most important event in my oldest daughter#146;s life was her pregnancy. Since she is an unmarried teen, this wasn#146;t something I wanted to celebrate but thought her decision to carry the child to term rather than abort it needed to be acknowledged. I finally found a charm that felt right #150; a tiny basket with baby Moses inside. Like Moses#146; mother, my daughter was going to place her trust in God and give her child to strangers to raise. With this tiny charm I was able to honor her courage and commitment to give her child the best life possible with the gift of a family through adoption. You have often spoken about the importance of doing the right thing despite personal feelings. My husband and I have tried to pass this on to our children as we discuss the many issues of growing up; popularity; abstinence, friends who start to use drugs, and how to choose a spouse. For the most part we have been successful. Our three children, 20, 18, 14, are intelligent and moral people with their mother#146;s off-beat sense of humor. And even though our daughter made the wrong choice and became pregnant I know she learned something because she had the courage to say no to Planned Parenthood when they insisted abortion was the best option. She had the courage to face her parents and ask forgiveness. Most importantly, she had the courage to put her own pain aside and do what was right by her child. I am very proud of my daughter because she did the right thing. SMR More >>

On My Child's Private Education Dear Dr. Laura, I listen to you daily at work and I find I learn something every day. Thank you for what you do and bringing new perspective of thinking to so many. I missed the beginning of your information on the gentleman who was writing about how Christian schools are growing rapidly. This topic hit home so strongly for me as I am the mother of a young daughter soon to be 5 years old. We enrolled her in a Christian preschool 3 days a week. The reason we picked a Christian school was after seeing and experiencing non-Christian schools, I was appalled at how little the children are expected to be conscious of their actions, how they affect others and to be taught morals. Our daughter has been taught from a small child to consider other#146;s physical and emotional being. Although she is not a push over child, she was often confused by children allowed to say hateful things and be violent towards others. It was my and my husband#146;s strong opinion that we wanted her in a school that taught morals, and values, responsibility for one#146;s actions, and actions towards others. We researched a Christian school well and were very hopeful of the result. I am happy to say she has never came home upset about what has gone on at school or with something anyone has said to her, since the children are held to a higher standard. We delight in her teachings of God and how she sees the world through his creation. We both beamed with pride when one evening she wanted to recite her new #147;poem,#148; which turned out to be the Pledge of Allegiance. Again she made us beam when she came home to tell of how another girl in school told her and several others she was going to make one of the boys in the class her boyfriend. The teacher gathered all the girls and told them that, being friends with boys was quite fine, but boyfriends were for older girls, those in college or older. I could not know all the teachings of this school when enrolling her, but have been overwhelmed with not only the Christian teachings, but the patriotic teachings also. We are certain we made the right decision not to put her in public school. The money is tough to come up with, but we feel it is an investment in her future, and the country#146;s future. All this is to say that I wholeheartedly agree with the comments you made today, and I feel many more will be making the decision to put their child in Christian schools and leave public schools to their lack of teaching and morals, and required behavior of children. Let the public schools suffer for their lack, and I for one will be beaming on the education my daughter is receiving. May God bless us all! Sincerely, Janine More >>