Shock Therapy Dr. Laura. I was listening today to the phone call from the woman who met a man (telemarketer) over the phone. The woman clearly did not want to accept your advice and counsel. You called what you did "shock therapy" since you didn't have time to be compassionate. I have to take issue with you. Clearly, stroking her ego would not have changed her mind either. "Shock therapy" (tough love) is the only compassionate response to her situation. If more people had the guts to tell people the truth, fewer people would be able to get away with ruining their lives and the lives of those they (supposedly) love. Thank you for your (lack of??) compassion. Your devoted fan. Steve M. More >>

College Girl Gone Mild Dear Dr. Laura, Hello. My name is Tiffany and I my parents' 20 year-old college junior majoring in mass communication and my sister's big sister. I have listened to your program since age 11 along with my mother. My family and I value and agree with your opinions and morals. We all frequently asked each other "What would Dr. Laura say in this situation?" I am writing to you not only because idolize, admire and look up to you, but also because I was faced with an important decision this past week at the University I transferred to this fall semester. I thought you would be very proud of the decision I made and would like to hear about how much of positive impact listening to your show has made in my everyday life. I call the story: COLLEGE GIRL GONE MILD. Transferring from a local community college to a larger private university in my hometown meant meeting many new people and making many adjustments to my life. I commute to school daily from home, where I live with my mother, father and sister. Therefore, I thought it would be a good idea to go through rush and become a member of a sorority in order to be more involved and social on campus. I assumed that because the University held high academic standards that many sororities were strongly focused on academics. As I went through formal recruitment (rush week ... three evenings long) I briefly visited six different houses. They all seemed nice, normal and like "good girls". Little did I know that the Greek system prohibits sororities to speak of beer, boys, or bibles during formal recruitment. Rush week was merely a facade. Reality brutally knocked at the door the moment I became a pledge (an official new member). All of a sudden, the girls in my chosen house transformed into their true selves. The first day of activities with my sorority was absolutely unbearable! Only a few girls seemed to have their heads on straight, but the majority of them talked about one or more of the following subjects: getting drunk (getting "trashed"), shacking up, sleeping over with boyfriends and random guys, how they needed a cigarette, problems with their current boyfriends who had been recently arrested (but they "loveed" them too much to dump them), etc. I toughed it out through the day as I made my plan of action. I did not want people with those types of values in my life nor did I want to be associated with them at all. I would never choose any of those girls as friends. I went to the Greek advisor on campus and "de-pledged" (discontinued my pledgeship/membership) from the sorority. I told the advisor that the formal recruitment was very deceiving and the outcomes of joining did not come at all close to meeting my expectations. Then, I did the hardest part of all. I politely and graciously told the house, its 50 members, and my peers that I had made the decision to leave the Greek organization. I told the sorority house that I could no longer be a pledge because I had other obligations and personal reasons that would prevent me from continuing my membership. For those individuals who asked for further information I went on to say that I did not fit in because my morals are very diverse from the majority's. So there you have it! I did what I KNEW was right. People around campus asked me "Don't you feel embarrassed?" "Were you scared?" and "Aren't you worried?" I tell them "NO". I was not embarrassed, scared, or worried because I knew what I was doing, why I was doing it, and that it was right and moral! I know that there are probably many people who would have just "grinned and bared" the situation in order to bypass any fears and fit in with the crowd. I wish more people would reconsider "fitting in" because it feels so much better to stand out (in a good way that is)! I felt proud for taking a stand that many would never take. In fact, I have never been so happy with a decision in my life. I feel like myself-esteem level skyrocketed. I've had no second thoughts at all. I have felt no guilt ... because there is none to be had! By doing this, I feel like I have revealed to the world what kind of person I am and hopefully, I've encouraged others to take a stand. As someone once said "Those who stand for nothing, fall for anything." I know I stand for something and I will not fall for anything. I feel so honored and proud of myself for doing what I did ... those feelings are so much better than taking the easy way out. Thank you Dr. Laura for all you do. I am proud to own Ten Stupid#133; (for women), How Could You Do That?, and (in preparation for marriage in the DISTANT future) Ten Stupid#133;(for couples). I love your books and recommend them to everyone. So many people go through life without regards to morals or doing what is truly right. People, especially many I have met these past few weeks, often make their decisions by what feels best, is easiest or simply out of conformity. You've taught me the importance of making carefully thought out and morally upright decisions. It takes tremendous character, courage and conscience (gee ... what book that I get back from?!) to do what is right. America is blessed to have you to guide and assist people in doing the right thing. Sincerely, Tiffany More >>

Joining The Military Drug Use Dear Dr. Laura, I am my kids' dad. My wife turned me on to your program several years ago. I have to admit that when I first stared listening to your program that I did not agree with a lot of the things you said but then I started listening with an open mind and now most of what is said on your program makes sense to me. I was listening to you on the way home from work and you were talking with a young lady who said that she had a history with drugs and because of that history her parents pulled her out of college and put her in a rehab program. First off,. I want to congratulate her on going through the program and being clean and sober for 6 years. My comment is this, she mentioned that she had $30,000 in student loans and that she had considered joining the military. The military does offer college loan repayment programs for people with qualifying student loans. This conversation struck a chord, as I am in the military myself. Not only am I in the military (have been for l l yrs) but I am a recruiter. The question about using drugs is one of many questions that we ask people when they come in, for qualification purposes. Now, I do not know the qualifications for every branch but for my branch the only drug that you could have used, and still be qualified to get in, is limited use of Marijuana Keep in mind that past drug use is not the only thing that we inquire about. The reasoning behind it is because everyone that enlists receives background checks. Some branch's standards allow a lot more "history" than others. Even after attending a rehab center, although helping the individual turn their life around does prevent them from joining certain branches. My advice to the young lady is to, like you said, not to stop with that one recruiter. Please let her know that she should check with every branch. I am not sure of which branch she spoke with but she is correct in disclosing her past, because if she were to hide it and it came out later the consequences are far more severe. Not just for the recruiter but for her as well. I turn away several people, who only wish to serve their country because of such things like past drug use, law violations and dependency status. It breaks my heart when I turn them away however rules and regulations bind us. More >>

Blessed To Be God#146;s Contingency Plan Dr. Laura, I am writing this letter, not because I can #145;fix#146; my situation, but because I dispute that people are always #145;well meaning#146; when they give advice. I am married to the mother of nine children, many grandchildren. A few years ago one of the daughters provided us with a grandchild without benefit of marriage. She moved in with us for support as we went through the birth and adoption. Within a few months, she got back together with the sperm donor and started the process again. Despite our desire that this one also be put up for adoption with a good family, a lot of games were played, and we have her and my grandson living with us. Let me clarify that the primary concern is the welfare of my Grandson, whom I love very much. It was not our choice or desire to take on this responsibility, but I could not let him go without a #145;man#146; in his life. Let me clarify also that the sperm donor is not currently in the picture, having moved across the country to be with one of the other #145;mothers#146; of his six or seven other children. (That does not mean he will not show up later to claim #145;bragging rights.#146;) The end result is that we are blessed with a great grandchild and his perpetual teenage (actually thirties) mother in our home. I do enjoy all twenty some grandchildren, and especially this one. My heart breaks that he is not in a two-parent family, either natural or adoptive, but I am blessed to be God#146;s contingency plan. Of late, I have had a few individuals see me with my Grandson and approach me with a self-satisfying declaration that they are glad that they advised the mother to keep her son and let us #145;help#146; raise him. One woman from our church even volunteered that she had told my daughter that she would confront me with my responsibilities if I did not step up to the task. I do not think #145;stepping up to the task#146; was even an option with me, but I also do not shirk from asking these #145;friends#146; and family why they believed it was their responsibility to commit the next twenty years of our life to raising a grandchild. I do believe that their comments, combined with my daughter#146;s confidence in my character that helped persuade her to keep her son over placing him for adoption. It was sort of a backhanded compliment to my wife and I. I know these individuals want to believe that they had #145;the best for everyone#146; in mind, but I dispute their fantasy. All they wanted was to feel good for the mother because she did not have to give up a second child for adoption. They absolutely did not have the child#146;s best interest in mind. Because I have this responsibility, I decided to do some research to find out what to expect. Single mothers, as opposed to divorced mothers, rarely marry and provide a stable father for their children. The statistics I found indicate single mothers marry only about ten per cent of the time and 70 per cent of those marriages end in divorce within two years. The age group of my daughter is about six per cent and shrinks with age. A large per cent of single mothers end up living with a string of men without marriage. While God may be grooming a great father for my grandson, I can not plan on it. About 80 per cent of children raised by single moms produce children outside of marriage. Despite the example my wife and I provide, the example of his own parents is much more potent in his life. These are truths I tell those who believe they counseled my daughter with good advice. Another thing I point out to those who tell me families are supposed to come to each other#146;s aid. The first responsibility of family is to not put family in a position like my wife and I were placed. It is my grandson who is innocent in this activity, not my daughter. It does her a disservice to come to her rescue, but we have to put his needs above her lessons. (I often believe she counts on this.) My bible says that God will forgive us but it does not promise to remove the consequences of our actions. When we try to shield others from their consequences, we do not do them any favors, we only encourage additional bad behavior. I realize this letter is too long for your show but I wish you could relay these facts to your audience. I also request that you withhold my name. We have many friends and family who listen to your show and I would not want the contents of this letter to be incorrectly portrayed to any of my grandchildren. Sign me, Blessed to be God#146;s contingency plan More >>

Trying To Really Help People Dear Dr. Laura; I spent several years pursuing a doctorate degree in Counseling Psychology because I wanted to help people and make a difference in their lives. As you know, in California prospective psychologists must intern as registered psychological assistants under licensed psychologists for 3, 000 hours. My first supervisor, a male, grabbed me one day and shoved his tongue down my throat. I knew this was not only morally wrong, but unethical according to the American Psychological Association and the state board of psychology. Enter supervisor number two. He was even worse. He called me at home begging me to come "hold his psychological hand," told me sexual fantasies he had about me, and reminded me on numerous occasions that if I tried to report him to the board, he'd make sure I never got licensed. I spoke with an attorney I interviewed with more prospective supervisors, male and female, all who wanted a "silent kickback" under the table for supervising me. As a long time listener of yours, I frequently turn to you for advice and guidance in my life and the life of those I help. I am so disappointed to say that the group of people I worked so hard to align myself with don't have the same morals, integrity or degree of honesty that you have. When my supervision ended in January of 2003, I turned my back on the world of psychology and psychologists---most of whom left such a bad taste in my soul for the way they conduct themselves in a profession I thought was so noble. I read Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives and my eyes popped out of my head when I realized I did not need to attach myself to people "in power" and dance to their drums of perversion and immorality. These QUOTE "self realized and enlightened" CLOSED QUOTE individuals were more messed up than the people they claimed they were trying to help. I have left the web of hypocrisy and have taken myskills of truly helping people to start a community non profit DIAL START. My dream is to offer support, nurturing, resources (food, clothing, shelter) and encourage people to goforward in their lives and realize their dreams. I have taken my masters degree in community counseling and am trying to really help people. What I have learned from what I am doing is that I cannot live my life any differently from the way I advise my clients to live theirs- The moment I do that, I know I will be drawn back into the web of-hypocrisy that I left. Thank you, Dr. Laura . Your books, wit and wisdom have liberated me from being one of those "psychologists" who take people's money and then ask them, "How did you feel about that?" I am not saying all psychologists are clueless or bad at what they do, but I know I am not alone in my experience with them. Many people who come to me tell me they have tried traditional psychotherapy and got nothing out of it. As I minister to their needs, your words are there to strengthen me. Thank you for showing me that there is a way to help people without compromising my own soul. I just finished The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and recommend it to men and women I see. You are spot on about the women's movement and how it has wrecked relationships between men and women. Sadly, they sold us a bad bill of goods and the result is seen in the divorce rate and the sad faces of children whose families have been torn apart. Thank you so much again for showing me the light.Leslie B. Founder DIAL START Community and Pastoral Counseling More >>

Change of the Heart Dear Dr. Laura: After submitting the following letter to the editor of our local newspaper in the High Desert of Southern California, I thought that you and your readers might enjoy reading about a father's appreciation for his adopted daughter and the young woman who chose life for her, as opposed to snuffing it out. I titled my letter, "Change of Heart," and it is my hope and prayer that this letter does, indeed, see the publisher's ink -- not to mention your web site, if you please -- influencing all who come into contact with these words and heartfelt thoughts to choose a gentler, kinder alternative to abortion. My wife and I are always here for you, Dr. Laura, and you're definitely an inspiration and embodiment of courage, character and impeccable integrity. Keep fighting for what's right. What alternative is there, right? You're a blessing! Rick Change of the Heart Recently, I could not help but notice the plethora of arguments for and against abortion that were published in The Daily Press/Press Dispatch . No matter where one stood on the controversial topic, there were some logical points made on both sides of the debate. I applaud the newspaper and Freedom Communications (its parent company) for providing an open forum for airing questions, comments or concerns about a "woman's right to choose" and the "sanctity of human life" including a collection of heartfelt firsthand experiences. Regardless, however, of what one believes about abortion, none of us should be naiuml;ve enough to think that society's attitudes about the act of a woman voluntarily terminating her pregnancy could possibly be changed by passing any law, constitutional or otherwise. For, as the Emancipation Proclamation probably did little to change the matters of the heart, i.e., attitudes, where European-decent and African-decent southerners were concerned (and some still are), neither will any well-intentioned state or federal statute today accomplish anymore than further alienating one sect versus another. Plain and simple, if some interpret the law as perverse to begin with, then it's natural for them to rationalize illegal behavior as acceptable. That's just human nature. Yes, in some cases, the government, should legalize morality; but the real transformation must first take place inside the individual, where convictions are born for right or for wrong. That is where the real battle between good and evil is won or lost, not in the legislative halls or courtrooms. Everyone, then, must make up their own mind and take full responsibility for any action that follows, keeping in mind that no one is an island unto themself. In other words, whatever an individual does somehow, some way always touches the lives of others. Having said that, and my own opinions surrounding abortion, aside, I felt compelled to confess that I am the proud father of an adopted child - a child that might not have been if the young woman who cradled her in the womb viewed the movement inside as an "inconvenience." Rather, for whatever reason, she thought it necessary to tolerate the pain and discomfort of nine months of who-knows-what, all to give life to a little one who would one day make an empty house like ours a home. Other couples, too, who might also be challenged to bear children in the traditional biological sense, I'm sure share similar tales of appreciation. Neither my wife nor I could ever show enough gratitude or respect for the woman who chose to give life, almost five years ago, to our delightful daughter who will soon celebrate another birthday. So often women who carry a fetus, a life, inside them are told that there is a convenient way out of the mess they find themselves in. But, what they most likely lose sight of, or are never told, is this: whatever they decide affects two lives, not just one - the potential mother-to-be and the unborn. Also, more and more we hear of stories about women - and, in some cases, men, as well - who are either haunted or exonerated for the paths eventually taken after a woman learns she is with child. For those who choose what might seem to be the easy way out, perhaps it's the continuous "what-ifs" that fill their quiet moments and cause them to reflect on what could have been. As we all are quite aware of, festering regret can grow to a point where it is more agonizing than the root cause thereof. Thus, to the one who unselfishly cared for the tiny life inside her, I have only this to say: wherever you are; wherever your dreams have taken you in your journeys, rest soundly tonight, knowing that the baby girl you nurtured and birthed is safe, sound and happy. Thank you for never perceiving our gift from God as a bother or inconvenience. She is a never-ending source of joy, laughter and amazement. Let us hope and pray that others, through your example of courage and compassion, do, indeed, have a change of heart when it comes to abortion. You have shown a kinder, gentler alternative. May others follow your lead. RJR More >>

Want To See My _____? Dear Dr. Laura, You probably can#146;t read this letter on the air due to its language, but I wanted to share with you an experience my son had that just made my heart burst with pride. My son is 13, and recently he attended a Grad Nite celebration at an area theme park. Keep in mind the park was packed with other 8th graders from around the area. At one point, my son was in the arcade playing a video game. A girl walked up to him and said, #147;Do you want to see my tits?#148; My son ignored her, continuing to play his game. She asked again, #147;Do you want to see my tits?#148; My son continued to ignore her. Finally the girl said, #147;You#146;re ignoring me.#148; My son replied, #147;Yes, because you have no respect for yourself.#148; The girl stormed off in a huff. On the one hand, I am horrified that a young 13-14 year old girl thinks it#146;s appropriate to walk up to a strange boy and offer to flash him. Whether she actually meant to do this or whether it was some sort of set-up game so she could run giggling back to her friends, it disturbs me greatly. Yet, I am so proud that my 13-year-old son knows enough about character, quality and virtue to ignore such a crude and blatant offer. I may have stumbled along the way in my parenting, but somehow my son learned what to look for in a potential girlfriend, and I don#146;t think 13 is too young to learn that lesson. Love your show, and keep up the nagging! Wendy S. More >>

THEY TOLD ME IT COULDN#146;T BE DONE! Dear Dr. Laura,I listen to your show every day at lunch, and thought I would write in response to all those people who put their #147;careers#148; ahead of their children. I am an attorney and have been in practice for about twelve years. I have two children, now aged 12 and 10, boy and girl. I was married to their mother for ten years, and about four years ago, she decided she did not want to be married and did not want to be a mother anymore (I later found out she was not exactly faithful either.) Prior to that, she was a stay-at-home mom who was involved with her children, and participated in school activities and other #147;kid stuff.#148; I worked full-time to support the family, but still found time to coach baseball, soccer and take time off to attend school events (even during the day.) Once my ex-wife left us, I was constantly #147;pestered#148; by others to put the kids in daycare, and to concentrate on working. However, I did not consider this an option. I tried to continue working for my prior law firm who told me they were #147;family-friendly.#148; However, this simply meant they were willing to be #147;friendly#148; until I could find day care. Needless to say, the situation did not work out, since I felt my children (especially without a full time mother) needed a loving caring parent home with them. So, I left a very high paying job with the law firm, and went to work with as a partner in a small office, which allowed me more #147;flexibility#148; with my hours. It also amounted to about a fifty percent pay cut! However, I can be home after school when the kids need me, bring work home to work on, make their lunches and dinners and basically be there for them. Sometimes, I get tired of hearing #147;daddy, will you.........#148;, but I wouldn#146;t change my situation for the world! Amazingly, when we first went to court for the divorce, my ex-wife (and her attorney) wondered how I could leave a high paying job, and tried to convince the judge that I should be dumping the kids in daycare, making more money, simply so my ex would receive alimony, and so she would not have to pay me child support. After lengthy discussions, I finally agreed to forego the child support, and the matter was settled. Today, my practice is going well. I still work long days, but they are spent part-time in the office, and part-time at home. My days are long and my nights are short, and money is tight (no Jaguar for me, I just bought a used car and traded in my old one with 197,000 miles on it!) But, it is all worth it. My daughter, Taylor gave ME a Mother#146;s Day card this year, #147;to the best #147;mommy-daddy#148; in the world! I have all the time in the world to work hard, and make lots of money, but my children will always remember that I was the one who was there for them. So, when you get calls from people who claim they can#146;t #147;afford#148; to stay home, please tell them they #147;can#146;t afford not to!#148; Thank you for all you do. Very truly yours, RANDAL W. More >>

War Is An Ugly Thing, But Not The Ugliest Of Things Dear Dr. Laura and Staff, I was working as a waitress in a restaurant a few weeks ago when a young uniformed Marine came in for breakfast. It's a very small town and all the locals seemed to know and love this young man. During his time at the diner, I learned that he was to be deployed in the next few days. My heart hurt, for this small town hero is just 18 years old and his boyish looks and charm seemed such a sharp contrast to the perfectly kept uniform and Marine Corps. Instilled sense of pride. I wondered if he was a fair representation of our military forces. Are many of them, teenagers, putting off thoughts of college and girls and friends to serve in the United States Military? Is there truly a multitude of 18-young 20 somethings who are willing to lay their lives down defending this nation and her ideals? My heart was full of awe and pride and my eyes welled with tears because in that moment it seemed not all has been lost in raising this generation. I am so proud to be an American, and while I also believe war must be a last resort...it MUST be a resort. I love this nation and the principals it was built upon. I thank God for a president who is a man of prayer and who refuses to be intimidated by those who only seek to bully and destroy. It infuriates me to hear citizens of this great land express the desire for peace at any cost. They publicly criticize our leadership in this matter...spitting on the graves of the men who fought and died to give them the freedom to voice their opinions.(however asinine) I am saddened as many are, by the thought of the need to send America's youth off to battle. At the same time, who would we be to refuse to do so; knowing that what made America great is the price paid in blood by our uncles and fathers and grandfathers? As a woman, how could I hold an anti-war sign in my hands -ignoring that I am free because so many husbands and sons and brothers were lent by women who have come before me? I came across this quotation and wanted to pass it along to you along as the truth of it so moved my heart. "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself" -John Stuart Mill (1806-1873)Thank you for your time. Respectfully Sent, Loralee - mother of my two daughters More >>

Naming U.S. Vessels, Rifles, and Bombs Dear Governor Leavitt, I just heard on the radio that the Mayor of the City of Moab is upset about the name of the MOAB bomb. Residents of Moab do not want the bomb to use the same name as the City of Moab, even though M.O.A.B. is merely an acronym for; "Massive Ordnance Air Burst", and not the name of the city. I understand that Moab elected officials are contacting the Utah State Legislature to have the name of the bomb changed. Joette Langianese, Grand County Councilwoman, stated: "I don't want to see on the news that the MOAB was dropped on Iraq and killed thousands of people." Because I have become disgusted with Americans who enjoy the freedom of living in this blessed land but who are ashamed of the military and the weapons which defend that liberty, may I offer the following: In history; Lexington and Raleigh were U.S. Naval vessels used to fight the British during the Revolutionary War. Harpers Ferry and Springfield are the names of US military rifles used before and during the Civil War. The giant guns of Battleships Missouri and New Jersey defended the United States during World War II. Each weapon which bears the name of US cities, brings honor to those cities. These weapons are and were liberators and defenders of truth and right. Even more honored are individual citizens who's names grace US weapons such as the Harry S. Truman, Abraham Lincoln and George Washington Aircraft Carriers. If we applied the thinking of Councilwoman Langianese to citizens living during the Revolution, we might expect to hear a citizen of Lexington, Massachusetts, say something like; "I don't want to see in the paper that the LEXINGTON fired on a British Man-O-War and killed dozens of British Sailors." If Moab, a city in Southern Utah, is ashamed to have a U.S. bomb with the same name, then may I, as a resident of the City of Clearfield request that the Military rename the bomb: CLEARFIELD. Knowing that the CLEARFIELD bomb would be used to liberate the tortured and oppressed citizens of Iraq, it would be an honor to have the city where I live associated with this liberating weapon. Sincerely L. Lasater More >>