Power And Choice Dear Dr. Laura I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing Bad Childhood Good Life. I am a 47 year old Husband and Father of 3 wonderful children and up to now I have been living in my well of despair with no hope so it would seem of climbing out of it . My sessions with a wonderful MFT have helped a Great deal with my anger and depression but I was still In my well Until 2 words I have found in your book struck me POWER and CHOICE. The power to change my life by not reliving my childhood and The choice to make a difference in other lives as well as my own. Those 2 words seem to free my soul and lift me up on solid ground I can still hear my destructive inner voice coming from the well but I can chose whether or not I listen to it I plan to use this book to further my good journey on the road to a good life. Thank you With love Joseph More >>

Giving Other Wings Dear Dr. Laura, First and foremost you must know three things. I am my kids' mom, two boys, one 12 and the other 2. Second, I would probably be considered a liberal democrat and third that I was a child in foster care. I probably should have waited until I completed reading your book, but I felt the need to let you know this just after reading through chapter 5. You have shone the light for me in so many ways. First with your book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands which made me look at the err of my ways in my feminist ideals and how subsequently they had affected my married life. Secondly, you have impacted me with your new book that I anxiously awaited for on January 3rd. After listening to you for so many years, I knew that this book would have a profound effect on me and how I would continue to work through my past life struggles. You have given me strength to draw boundaries when I was so eager to please. You have allowed me the freedom to let others do their own work and not piling it on to my list of things to do. You have put into perspective many things that I with all my insights (and therapists) could not find a way to wrap my mind around it. For this I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I currently work with teenagers and young adults who are dealing with the same pain and desires for a loving family. I will strive to give them insights into themselves using your wisdom. And as the common quote says, help them to understand their roots and give them wings" Sincerely, Darcy More >>

How To Do The Right Thing Dr. Laura, I have listened to you for many years> After your new book comes out Bad Childhood, I am going to buy it read it. I am a father of three very wonderful boys who I am raising on my own without the help of their mother. Our marriage ended 8 months ago, after trying to work things out and trying to get over all the hurt she caused it was too late and I could not make it all better. It is better for me and the boys. They live with me full time. Like so many of your listeners, I had a very bad childhood with lot of pain and it got to the point that I ended up moving out at the age of 16, and have been on my own. My life has not been easy and I have gone down many broken roads, and made many mistakes. The one thing I did do right is raise my boys with love and understanding. I did not let my bad childhood come back on me and put my boys through all the hard times and pain I had gone through. I was able to build a good life, I have a great job as an Executive Chef, have a great education and can care for my boys. My life is hard from time to time, but I am able to get through most anything that is tossed at me. I would very much like for you to read this letter on air to show people that even if you had a bad childhood you can get over it and move on with life. I had to end my relationship with my mother many years ago, she passed away this past summer, it was hard on me. I have been through so much in my life and have been able to pick up my life and do good with it. Thank you for being a big help to so many people and thank you for your talk show. I am my kids father, mother, and truly agree with you and all your ways of thinking how to raise kids and what they need. I wish my ex- wife would have read you book on Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands> It may have saved our marriage. E. More >>

Thankful And Proud RE: Caller who resents her brother because her Mom helps him out more than her. Hi Dr. Laura, I had a comment about your caller because I have lived my life in the same situation. I am 3 years older than my brother. He is the baby of the family and treated my mother like crap while we were growing up. As adults my parents have basically thrown away tens of thousands of dollars on him over the years on his latest "business plan". He has never really had a job, has lived with them on and off and asks for money all the time. I have a very successful career, own my own home and am a divorced mother. Anytime I have ever had to ask my mother for help financially over the years (it's been 10 since I had to do that) she would make me feel very guilty about it like I was causing her a hardship. I resented it for years, I finally asked my mom why it was so hard for her to help me yet every time she turned around she was helping my brother. Her answer was, "it's easier to help someone who is so needy then to help someone who seems so self sufficient". It was NOT a very satisfying answer to say the least and I of course went into the whole thing about your only hurting him not helping him thing. Then I finally came to terms that my mom is the way she is and I'm never going to change her. She thinks I'm too harsh and that I see things very black and white. I love my mom, it took me 40 years but I have finally just accepted her as who she is and the truth is, it's her money, she can do whatever she wants with it. Now I look at it this way, I'm thankful I don't need her help and proud that I can take care myself. I would recommend your caller try and look at it that way, then you can just get on with your life and be happy... which is really what it's all about! Warmest regards, S., my daughter's mom. Ps, she says I am her hero, you can't ask for more than that! More >>

A Wake Up Call For Me Firstly, we have been listening to you for many years. We saw your show in Irvine, and enjoyed it very much. I purchased "Bad Childhood, Good Life" at the show, I read it this week, and it was like it was written for me. I have had an amazing life and thought I would like to write my memoirs, but don't know where to start. I had a terrible childhood, but at a very young age (I was 12), looked myself in the mirror and said I was going to be happy. My mother ended up in a mental institution, my father was the abuser, so I really didn't have either parent where I could fine some cozy spot. I married at age 19 (my childhood sweetheart) we met at U.S.Y. as teenagers. His parents and family became mine for which I am very grateful. We have been married nearly 46 years, and have two children. We came here from Chicago 28 years ago (Northern California) now in Southern California, my children were 13 11. I took a part time job as an insurance secretary and was offered an agency by our district manager 3 years later. I became very successful as a State Farm Agent and have been retired for 5 years to be part of our granddaughters' lives (my daughter is divorced and works full time). Reading the book has brought back so many memories and it is a wake up call. I am a people pleaser (which helped greatly in business) but my expectations are so high from everyone and am easily disappointed when people don't reciprocate. I know now (it was a light bulb moment), that I have to ask for what I want, people are NOT mind readers. I have had NO CONTACT with my parents (they are now deceased) because nothing I did was ever good enough. My mother was put in a mental institution when I was 19, (newly married), she had re-married (parents divorced when I was 14) the happiest day of my life, the beatings stopped when he left, he married the same week-end as the divorce (a very evil step-mother, who hated me). It's called self-preservation. I stopped seeing my mother, and my father, never looked back and really don't feel guilty about it. I just wish things could have been different. There is always a hole in your heart when you don't have a MOM, like when my daughter was born (our next door neighbor had a baby at the same time, her MOM was over all the time, like when I married (I cried that day because MOM was not there). She was never there for me, nor was my Father. I became a very good MOM, was always there for our children, and love being a Grandmother to our beautiful 2 granddaughters. They love being with us, and stay over all the time. We just have lots of fun. My unhappy childhood has made me a very STRONG person, I think I could endure anything. I have a wonderful, loving husband and this I am so GRATEFUL for. It's a wonderful feeling when one is so loved, and he truly makes me feel that way. I am very active in our local Synagogue. I am blessed. P. More >>

Life Has Been Pretty, Pretty Good I always liked you, after reading your latest book I love you! It's so easy to identify with the childhood parental problems you encountered. I too was the product of weak, ill-equipped, divorced parents. But like you I was determined to make something of myself and with the grace of God and a wonderful wife of 49 years(50 in Aug)that prayed for me for 25 years (I'm still a work in progress) life has been pretty, pretty good. I'm currently writing a memoir/novel and thanks to your advice will do my best not to trash my parents in it. Thanks to your book I'm convinced that inadvertently I learned a lot from them. Mainly what not to do. Thank you for your wonderful values...don't stop preaching them like a good Baptist preacher...which you do. You are a credit to your faith. God Bless you. If I had a dollar for every mistake I've made I'd be richer than Solomon. If I had a dollar from what I've learned from each mistake I'd be rich as Gates. Too bad it took so long. Oh well better late than never. R. More >>

You Don't Get Over It, You Get On With It Thank you for giving me the tools I needed to live my life free of my evil mother. I can't tell you how much it means to me. I've been thru so many self help programs to try to "heal" from the pain and yucky stuff that comes along with what I call an angry depressed mother, an alcoholic father, and 5 estranged siblings. I feel free to live my life and be a fabulous mother to my three children. Just knowing that the pain will never go away and that its okay, I don't have to be depressed, as saved my children and husbands an my life. Thank you for being strong enough to call crappy therapy crappy. I have heard many times that once you deal with your baggage and let it go life goes on. The mystery of letting your baggage go has eluded me for years. How do you do that? Then my wonderful new friend tells me read Dr. Laura's new book. As you helped me with The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands I thought, "Okay I'll give it a try." I was sick to death of hearing all the advice but never knowing how to get over it. You taught me that you don't get over it you get on with it. Respect yourself and your family. The guilt that kept me going back for more from my mother and the rest of my family is officially gone. I AM FREE !!!!! Then just when I thought life was going to be good, another revelation came my way. Yes, the whole you can't love others until you love yourself, I fell for it, hook line and sinker. Thank you for letting us all know that it again was another load of crap! I love people, I love doing nice things for people, I love being nice to people, and yet somehow my mom was always there calling me a goody two shoes and telling me that I was just being nice so I could get something. I carried that with me for 30 years. Nope, I am not a goody two shoes and I don't want anything but love. It feels good to be nice to people. I want you to know that that one concept makes my good life, amazing!!!! Everything beautiful inside of me is free to come out and Guess What? I can choose not to be depressed. Wow Wow Wow thank you so much for the final bit of advice I needed to get on with it. Keep up the good work. Stay strong we need people like you to help us do the right thing. N. More >>

Your Book Bad Childhood, Good Life I just wanted to say that your book, Bad Childhood Good Life is very good. I am as of now on chapter 6. I did have a bad or not so good childhood, hence the reason I am writing and the reason why I bought the book to begin with. It is very true that people resort to being the victim when their childhood wasn't great. I on the other had for some reason chose not to go that path. Thankfully. My dad was very mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive to my mom and myself. Having someone tell you that you disrespect them when you say that you love them will give that person an issue with saying those three little words, as I do. On the flip side to my enlightenment of how not to be my fiance is "the victim". He was adopted, adopted mother died at age 12, has two other adopted sisters, adopted dad married too close to the time of his mother's death (so he thinks), had twin boys, first fiancee cheated on him, and it's everybody else's fault why he or anything is the way it is. The victim, no one cares, no one loves me, it's because of my past. I hate it, and I don't know what to do. I hate being his mother and I hate being mad all the time. He acts just like my dad and it's not appealing. I told him that he should read your book and he said he would, but whose to say that it will sink in. We're going to go to Iraq this summer and to make situations worse we're supposed to get married, but I don't want to, especially like this. Thanks, A. More >>

Admitting I Had A Bad Childhood I've just finished the first chapter of your new book. As soon as I heard it was coming out, I knew I would buy it (I just loved the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands!). When it came time to buy the book, I hesitated a bit. Would that mean admitting I had had a bad childhood? I think more along the lines that I had a childhood during which some very bad, bad things happened. When I told a dear friend about that perspective, she looked soundly at me and said "you had a bad childhood." As a mother of three wonderful children, I know that is true. I would be devastated if I was raising my children in the home I was raised in. While I think God has brought me so far in healing old wounds and I think I have a healthy perspective, I'm excited to read the book to reinforce that growth, and to discover if there are still things I need to let go of. Thanks for writing this book. I'm sure I'll continue to email as I read it. I feel that God has gifted you with discernment, and I'm so glad you can use that gift so well. Sincerely, L. More >>

Brutal Advice From The Heart Hi Dr. Laura, I love listening to your show more than ever now that I am a stay at home mom of a 15mo old little girl. A recent show really helped me understand my problems with my mother. Only last night I was writing to her a letter in which I vented everything I thought she "did wrong" as mom. I don't plan on sending it to her, or you its to sad to see what a mom isn't capable of, but it sure helped me stop hurting so much once I saw it in black and white. I realized when she made no contact to us during the holidays, when she did it to my sister and her kids, that it hurt me so much that she could be so mean to my precious little girl that I decided to stop communication with her. I also once heard you tell a caller why would you want to submit your children to someone you hate? I thought hey, that's me. So as I listen, I learn a little more and more about her and me and I am so glad that I started to tune you in. Thank you. Listening to your show and the callers that you help, help me heal every day. Thanks for brutal advice, it sure does help to hear it from the heart. Sincerely, Heather's mom More >>