Advice To A Friend Who Is Missing Out On Life Dr. Laura, I have listened to you for a long time. This message came from a friend who is worrying and missing life. (I have a serious cancer, and so does her husband.) Hi your surgery success is the highlight of my month for certain...it has been a tough one. We have the stress of the store failing and losing half our income. My husband's PSA is moving back up and he will go back on some therapy soon, I am battling an unknown issue bladder, kidney, ovary???? It is now painful and we went to the Urologist Doc yesterday...I am scheduled for a series of tests, cancer scans etc. for the next 3 weeks...trying to get in for a pelvic ultrasound hopefully by tomorrow. The icing, which topped the week's events came this morning in an email from my little sister and only family, in Argentina...she has just been diagnosed with a brain tumor.Golly, this sounds like a bad pity party novel...I also had a close friend my age die Monday from a flesh eating bacteria.... they amputated her leg but it had gone to her kidneys and she only lasted hours. Her memorial is Saturday. Ok my Godly friend, put some perspective on this for me...I am talking to God and trying to understand, I keep telling myself this is "just life". My answer: Ok, this is easy, no kidding. You are trying to enjoy a teeter-totter all by yourself. Which half of the glass of water was the good half again? What are you doing looking at all these tomorrow issues and not looking at today? Even if you fall off a cliff, it is really cool on the way down! Go look outside and tell me what would make whatever you are looking at, a tree, a scene, a sky, truly any better? I know, if you didn't have these issues, they would be more beautiful. Well, no they wouldn't, they would look the same. It is us that obscures the beauty. I am not going to tell you these are not big deals, they are. So was paying the business bills, so were the kid battles, and so on... Life is full and we want it to be just right, me too. I have cancer, I don't want cancer, I really don't and don't want to die. I am just NOT going there and I have a lot to do with how I will live my life. I am not going to hide from my trials, they we keep finding me. I have to face them (here comes the important part) when it is THE TIME to do so. I am having a wonderful day and looking out at our backyard living space and I see nothing but trees and flowers and pool and fireplace and sky. I can curl up in a ball and panic about what is coming or what might be coming. That's like washing the plate with all the nice freshly cooked food still on it, not smart. Life is what happens while we are making other plans. So, go sit by your man and look at the beauty all around you and don't miss it. Enjoy his love and let tomorrow come when it does. J. More >>

Hot Babe Good Morning Dr. Laura, I was playing on my computer, while my husband watched his news, like he does every day. Anyway, he said "Hey Margie#133; Do you think that newscaster (women) is hot?" I turned and looked at the tv and saw this beautiful blond and said, "I don't know. I guess so," as I was frowning at him for asking me that question! When he looked at me, he said "NOOOOOOOOO...I don't mean in that way! I mean, she is wearing a turtleneck!" hahahaha. Dr. Laura, you are probably wondering if he really meant the other way, but, I know my Rich and he really thought she was overdressed for the summertime on the air! So, we had a good laugh. A couple of days later, he did tell one of his guy co-workers how he put his foot in his mouth and will watch how he phrases stuff from now on! Go ahead and use our names...we think it is pretty funny! Margie p.s. We just celebrated our 34th. Wedding anniversary and I am still his HOT BABE! More >>

The Train Birthday Party -- A Spectacular Show A few months ago a colleague of mine gave a birthday party for her 3 year old son. The theme of the party was "trains." This woman works full time because, as she puts it, "staying home with my kids is so boring." She and her husband are very wealthy. The money she earns goes for "fun stuff." Included in the "fun stuff" are elaborate birthday parties for her children i.e. luaus, circus themes complete with clowns etc. Suffice it to say that these parties cost hundreds of dollars and no less was the case with the train party. Tickets for twenty children for a train ride that runs through the canyon nearby, catered lunches at the end of the run, a bakery birthday cake in the shape of a train and toy train sets as party favors were provided for all. It was a spectacular show. In contrast, my daughter-in-law gave a birthday party for her 3 year old son, my grandson, with the same train theme. However, here ends the similarity. My daughter-in-law is a stay at home Mom. She has a teaching credential but doesn't plan on using it, except to enhance her parenting, until her children are up and out. Yes, sometimes she gets bogged down with the day to day duties of motherhood but she and my son are firm in their resolve that to do a decent job of parenting she needs to stay at home. They would not even think of having it any other way. As a result, my son works very hard to provide for them so this can happen. That is not to say, however, that they don't have to watch their "pennies," budget responsibly, prioritize and live simply, which they do. Now, back to the party. As each child arrived, my grandson took his little guest by the hand and escorted them to the backyard where they were given a little train conductor's hat - 10 for $10 at the Dollar Store. They played for a while and once everyone arrived, my daughter-in-law brought them in the house where she gathered them around her and read "The Little Engine That Could." After the story they were led to a craft table where they were each given a little flat piece of thin wood carved in the shape of a train engine with a magnet on the back for hanging on their fridge at home. These were purchased at a craft store - 20 for $10 - along with five 8 oz. jars of brightly colored paints and some paint brushes. The children were then allowed to paint their engines and they were delighted. This, along with the hats, were their party favors. When it came time for opening the birthday gifts, my grandson sat on a little bench where, as he opened each gift, the giver was asked to sit next the birthday boy so he could give the friend a hug and a "thank-you." The cake was homemade. My daughter-in-law got online and found directions for making a train shaped cake and she stayed up until 1 a.m. putting it together. It was a masterpiece. This party too, was a spectacular show - a show of love, devotion, commitment, selflessness and honor of a mother for, and to, her child. Lovingly, P. More >>

This Too Shall Pass I heard the caller who thought life was hard and didn't want to live. You called her a spoiled brat and you were right on. I have multiple sclerosis and thank God it is relapsing-remitting rather than progressive. Each day I thank God for giving me this precious gift called life. Is each day easy? Of course not. But I thank God for giving me life and making me rich. Not monetarily but with the amount of good health I do have, the fact that my friends and family are living and healthy, that I have food in my tummy and a roof over my head. My Dad recently passed away and there were a few things that he said that couldn't be more true. "Some people would kick and scream if you hung them with a new rope" was one. But one of the biggest things that he would tell me when I had a bad day was, "This too shall pass". And it always did. But just as "This too shall pass" covers all the trials and tribulations of life, "This too shall pass" also refers to the good things in life and life itself. So the next time you are having a bad day, tell yourself "This too shall pass". And when you are moaning and groaning over the fact that you woke up to a brand new day, remember "This too shall pass". I miss my Dad so much and I cherish those things that he shared with me. Life is what you make of it. Cherish it and breathe it in deeply like the sweet smell of a rose because "This too shall pass". D. More >>

The Tortoise and the Vulture Dear Dr. Laura, I had written before but I was moved today by one call in particular. I'm writing to commend you about the way you handled the caller who was frustrated with her daily coping skills. She seemed somewhat naive and selfish. She was complaining about the doom and gloom of her life and the way the world is (in her opinion). Your sentiments were absolutely correct. What a spoiled brat! I have Cerebral Palsy and every inch of my traveled road in life has been difficult, but nonetheless, I love living. I love stopping to smell the roses. Everything I am able to do is slower, yet I function. I am married to a wonderful man that loves me and helps me without question. I do the same for him without regard to how hard it may be for me to move. The way I see it, I have a hard time moving my legs, but so what? I can work. (I work at home) I can't run, but I can walk - even if in a precarious way. I don't look at life in the same manner as many others (thank heavens) but I enjoy what I have been blessed with, minus any regrets. I can't walk or stand for too long, but I do that which I'm capable. I'm happy with what I know, including the difficulties and physical discomforts. Thank you for all that you do. Sincerely, D. More >>

The Importance of Seat Belts The letter about child car seats took me back and gave me shivers and then came your commentary regarding the 50th Anniversary of the three point seat belt... My husband and 3 year old son Daniel were driving to Lake Tahoe in January, 26 years ago. My son was safely secured in an industrial strength car seat. They hit some black ice, the car spun off the road, turned over twice and landed upside down and totaled. They both crawled out the broken window without injury. The punch line to this story is that literally just minutes before Daniel said, "Daddy you need to put on your seatbelt". And he did. J. More >>

Plant Some Roses You Can Smell Later Hey Dr. Laura. My mom has listened to you since she discovered your show 10 years ago when she became a single mom with FOUR little kids. Since then I have taken to my own desire to gain wisdom about relationships. I listen to your show in the morning and so far have read Proper Care Feeding of Marriage, 10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships, and am working on 10 Stupid Things Men Do To Mess Up Their Lives. I was listening to your show and a 19 year old girl called in to see if she was being nitpicky that her boyfriend had lied about being on a computer. This greatly interested me because I recently broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half. We were fighting a lot over things the other one did that we didn't like. Overall, we are both too immature for a life long relationship together. Something you said is something that many people don't get. You told the caller that she was not mature because she couldn't see life without her boyfriend. She couldn't imagine living, breathing, eating, sleeping, driving, and everything else that she couldn't do without having him. He was a safety net. I have recently been liberated from that thinking, mostly. I am happy with myself, with being by myself, hanging out with my friends, working on my car, making plans and doing what I feel like, all by myself. It is very important that one loves themselves before trying to share it with another person. How can you share something with another person when you are not happy with it, and expect it to be an awesome fun thing you both can enjoy. SO! I wanted to say thanks for your honesty with people and helping them to wake up to life and plant some roses they can smell later. Keep up the good, necessary, and significant moral help to society. A loyal fan J. More >>

Guardian Ad Litem - Volunteer Hi Dr. Laura, I have been listening to you for years. This is my first email to you, prompted by a call you received today from a female Deputy Sheriff from Los Angeles. She said that 90% of her routine calls involve single moms with neglected and/or abused children in the home. I have never heard you mention what a Guardian Ad Litem - Volunteer does for the safety and wellbeing of children, throughout the country. I'm sure you are familiar with the Guardian's Ad Litem program, but in case your listeners have not, we are appointed by the County Judicial Court to work with the Case Workers (average 65 cases each) and protect the rights and general wellbeing of children assigned to us. We represent them in court and provide information on the children to the Judge. Guardian's Ad Litem - Volunteers are the only people required to be in court when Parental Rights hearings take place, which may result in parents losing their rights. I think a word of praise would do wonders to bolster this program and encourage others to join this worthwhile cause. Thanks for what you do on a daily basis. H. B. Guardian Ad Litem More >>

Celebrating What I've Learned Dear Dr. Laura I think you have a wonderful program and it has become the highlight of my work week. I've listened to you for many years. I work at home and I look forward to being my kids' mom. My husband and I have been married for four years and we have a wonderful relationship. I am physically challenged with mild Cerebral palsy, but I give others what I can in an unselfish manner. I have read all of your books. Your insight has lead me to challenge myself and to grow. I have written the following things in celebration of what you have taught me. I write my thoughts in a journal every day and wanted to share this with you. If you are going through hell, keep going. *The first line is from Winston Churchill. If you aren't always happy, keep trying to find reasons to smile. If you fall, get up and let the dust settle. If you can't move forward in your life, get in your car and don't look back. If you have disagreements with someone, so what? Call them and make up. If you can't express your feelings when they should be, keep a journal. If you have a broken heart, it will still beat just the same. Find measures to mend it. Some gifts are simple because they're accepted with both hands. Others are more complex because we have to have an open heart to fully comprehend what we're receiving. The heart is more open than our eyes. The eyes are occasionally blind. When relationships end or change, we are never fully aware of God's purpose or logic. Don't ask "what if" or "why". We may never know the answer. Try to accept it. That's all we can do. I have been able to overcome a physical challenge by managing with my deficits. It is what it is. I keep going.. I don't go backwards to manipulate things to be the way I'd like them to be. Looking back with regret is wasting time. Time shouldn't be squandered, but savored. I've never believed in closure because things we encounter are always tucked someplace in the back of our minds. There is instead, truth, strength and resiliency. The past is who we WERE, not who we ARE or who we WILL BECOME. The past is our greatest teacher. If we pay attention, we will learn from it rather than crumble. Always find time to smile, for it could be your last. Find time to help, rather than preach. Make time to travel, because it could be the last journey. Don't quarrel and wreak havoc over foolish things. If we're cut with silence, we get over it. If we're cut with vengeful words, we may bleed forever. Choose words carefully, as they cannot be erased. War should be restricted to the battlefield. Let our men and women in uniform handle the fighting. It's acceptable to say "I don't know" sometimes but it's not okay to say "I won't try" or "I can't"...find a way. Excuses pacify others while courage manifests itself via personal growth and character. Thank you for your time and words or wisdom reminding us all to "do the right thing" Dr. Laura. Have a wonderful day! D. More >>

Nara-Non Helps Families Hi Dr Laura, I really like your show and listen to you daily on my way home from work. As I was driving home today, I heard a mother call in, wanting to know what to do to help her addicted son. You gave her very good advice, "she cannot help him, he has to help himself, call him once a week and don't give him any money!" I wanted you to tell her about Nara-non. This is a group meeting for friends and relatives of addicted love ones....you see, my son is a recovering addict. I know what desperation that mother feels. Nara-non family group is adapted from Narcotics Anonymous and uses Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions. By members sharing their experiences, strength and hope at weekly meetings, others also gain experience, strength, and hope.. You could say I am really messed up...divorced from an abusive man, who happens to be the father of my 3 children. However, through counseling, classes, meditation and the grace of God...we are all recovering. The most helpful thing I did was attend Nara-non! Check out the web site... www.naranon.org . I know I never heard of this until my son was in rehab... a lot of families are hurting...this helps! thank you for your show, E. More >>