Still Using The Daycare Even After Death Lancaster police file arrest warrants after 2-year-old dies Dr. Laura- The part of this story that horrified me the most was that local radio reported today that the daycare remains open pending the investigation and children were being dropped off there this morning. Keep fighting the good fight. I am a stay-at-home mom to my 6 month old daughter because of you. -Bobbi More >>

Why Not Just Pick Them Up Friday Night? Dear Dr. Laura: I overheard a conversation last night between two #147;thirty-somethings#148; with their two year olds in tow. It was obvious that both had had their two year olds in the same day care facility at one time. One asked the other, #147;did she like the new day care?#148; #147;Why yes#133;they provide juice, diapers, lunch and snacks.#148; She thrust her two arms out and laughingly said #147;now I just have to drop her off.#148; I immediately thought, #147;one more way to become uninvolved with your child.#148; What next Dr. Laura, a mini-motel next to the day care so you don#146;t really have to pick the kid up until Friday night? Just think, no boring bath time, no boring story-telling, no bad dream comforting and no breakfast-making until the weekend. What is this country coming to? Keep up the fight Dr. Laura#133;we still have a long way to go. Dee More >>

Karate Dr. Laura Thank you for suggesting Karate to the mother today for her son. My son was the smallest, weakest, and most shy little boy at age 8. He was invited over to a boy#146;s house in the neighborhood and beaten up when he got there. I enrolled my son in Karate and he built strength and self-esteem. He is now 22, 180 lbs and a U.S. Marine. He learned to walk away from trouble when he had to and stand up and fight when it was necessary to protect himself or someone who could not protect themselves. Tell that Mom Karate was a life saver for me and my son. Thank you Dr. Laura. Charlene in Texas More >>

True Marriages Dear Jeanne's Husband, Hearing your inspired letter read by Dr. Laura helped gel some thoughts in my heart. I think I know why so many can throw their marriages away like "yesterday's garbage." Their marriages are yesterday's garbage. No matter what words are spoken, what traditions are used, marriages conceived by unbridled lust die in unmitigated disappointment. Marriages undertaken to fulfill one's needs simply multiply unmet needs, soon ending in abject moral poverty. Marriage vows spoken as lies, are blinding to the power and beauty of love's truth. You and Jeanne lived and testified to true marriages -- vows and a lifestyle undertaken to promote the well-being of another and self in an ever expanding circle of influence. Paraphrasing Victor Frankl; "The past is the only reality because 'now' is already past and tomorrow does not yet exist." The past that you and Jeanne created is true and real, worth having lived. How much more beautiful is your past than those whose pasts are littered with wounded, broken children, bitter disappointments, frenzied careers where stuff always takes priority over family yet never satisfies the soul. Because you and Jeanne knew that only God truly satisfies and you submitted yourselves to His rule, together you three created a living treasure. I am so happy for you. In the times of grieving the days you were not given with Jeanne, remember the days you were. As the Psalmist says, "Bless the Lord, my soul; all my being bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, my soul; do not forget all the gifts of God." Psalm 103:1 My prayers are with you and your daughter, may the blessing of your past, the enduring gift of God's love, be a light to your futures. Jeani B. More >>

Bachelor Parties Dear Dr. Laura, I was recently married to a wonderful woman, but before our wedding, I had a bachelor party. I believe Bachelor parties are supposed to be a way for one#146;s friends to #147;send off#148; a man from his single life to become a husband. For my bachelor party I was explicitly clear with my buddies what the ground rules were: I would have no Booze, no Broads and no Drugs at my Bachelor events. I explained that I valued their friendship, and if they disrespected me and my future wife by asking me to partake in any of the above, the friendship was dead. Instead, we rented a couple jeeps, drove out to Death Valley (not during the summer) and camped while exploring the backcountry. It was awesome, we had a lot of fun, did silly stuff, and had lasting memories we can cherish. My friends respected my set limits. There are hundreds of activities a group of men can do for a night or two instead of going to a cheesy strip club or going out for a night of carousing. Money shouldn#146;t be an excuse; with the money they save by not trying to slip into some other woman#146;s g-string, they could go camping, fishing, hiking, rent an RV, Boat, etc. Thank you Dr. Laura #150; Keep up the good work! Dave More >>

Normal Boy Behavior Dear Dr. Laura, I was listening to your show this morning, and heard the mother call in about her small son being put on the bleachers to finish work during recess! Yeow! It brought back a lot of memories of my own son (who is now almost 27) when he was a small boy - FULL of energy and a bit of the devil - he found it hard, as well, to sit still during kindergarten class, so his teacher had him stand during class for three days! By the time he was 5, he was reading "Hardy Boy" books, and found it hard to sit still while she was teaching the "ABC's - We have always been very supportive of our children's teachers - we have four - one son, and three daughters, now 26, 25, 21, and 18 - We also tried to instill in them that they were not always going to get along with everyone, so.... there would be times that they would simply have to suck it up and respect the situation - However, making a child (particularly boys, being the mother of both genders), sit still, not exercise, and be left out of activities, has always seemed so unfair as well as unproductive - they will find another way to let out that steam - and it may not always be so desirable! My son continued to play sports throughout grade school - and football and baseball in high school - he even continued to play baseball in college- and it was a wonderful outlet! I must tell you that "that unruly" boy went on to graduate from Princeton University with honors, and with honors from the University of Michigan Law School - and now has been happily married for three years and is practicing law in Chicago. People are so quick to medicate, stifle and discourage a normal boy's behavior - yes, there are exceptions, and hopefully those are dealt with properly, to help that child - our son was NOT hyperactive - simply a normal, healthy, young boy full of energy -they are BORN with it! Thank you for listening - and by the way, I was a stay at home Mom for 22 years - married to the SAME man for 30 years - and finally went back to work, part-time in a veterinarian's office when my youngest went to high school - and I TRULY believe that for THAT reason, my daughters, as well, have now gone on to graduate from Michigan State University (and now working in advertising) - One is now a senior at University of Michigan and will continue on to law school, and my baby starts Michigan State University in the Fall in journalism - and I have to tell you, they are great kids and never forgot that I was home (even when they weren't SO sure that they wanted me there!) I would not have changed a thing over those 22 years - and have to say that even on our worse day I would not have wanted to be anywhere else! Thank you for your time! More >>

Baby Mathew's Legacy Dear Dr. Laura, Our family has suffered a great loss with the death of our infant son, Matthew. He was born April 29, 2003 and only lived 19 days, shortly after his birth he was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. We chose not to have any prenatal testing because we would not terminate any pregnancy. Even if we had known something was wrong we could not have prepared ourselves for the roller coaster of emotions we soon felt ourselves going through. Joe and I have been married for 19 years and have 3 children, Ben (16 yrs old, Jackie (14), and Allie (12). We discussed how tragedies like this can tear families apart, and we did not want this to happen to us. We have a great respect for you and all the wonderful things you do to make this world a better place. We wrote the following words and spoke at our son#146;s funeral. Several people told us they were comforted by what we said. If you feel it can be of any comfort or help to others who are having difficulties, please share our thoughts with them. Thank you for all you do, Joe and Marcia Matthew Nicholas Was born April 29, 2003. Shortly after his birth, he was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. The outlook was grim, his life expectancy was only a few days to less than a year. The family#146;s ultimate goal was to bring Matthew home from the hospital and surround him with love and care. His family enjoyed 11 wonderful days with Matt at home. Matt died May 18, 2003 in the loving arms of his mother, surrounded by his father, brothers and sisters. The following are the thoughts expressed by his parents at his Funeral Mass May 22, 2003. This cannot be happening was the only reaction we had the day our world was turned upside down. It was just three long weeks ago we had just heard the seriousness of Matthew#146;s condition. We fell into each other#146;s arms crying, the doctors must be wrong, we cannot be going through this. We cannot make it through. Our world was turned upside down. WE NOW CALL THAT DAY HELL DAY! The news just kept getting worse. Late at night we were driving home numb, hearts aching, and sore from the emotional battering we had taken. Lying in bed exhausted but unable to sleep we began to talk about the future, the near future, and how grim it seemed. Slowly as we prayed together the fear and numbness turned to resolve, we could make it, we thought about the scripture, #147;With God all things are possible.#148; We talked about how in Matthew#146;s apparently short life we wanted him to have a legacy. We had named him Matthew, which means a gift from God, that is how we saw him that night, that is how we see him today, and that is how we will always see him. A Gift from God. Two years ago Father Nick, Matthew Nicholas#146; namesake, had advised us on having another baby. He said at that time we must trust in God and the right answer will come. It did. We hate the outcome of what has happened, but these things happen. This is a broken world; there is pain, anguish, suffering, and tragedy, as these are the things of life. However, there is also beauty, love, compassion, and caring, these are the things of God. We had to turn our eyes to God, he does not cause these bad things to happen and HE helps us through them. We prayed for a miracle but had to be realistic. Early on in all of this a close friend said, #147;Miracles will happen, we just don#146;t know what they are now.#148; We soon saw the miracles begin. We saw God begin to manifest Himself in this story. People came, word got out of our tragedy, and people came. Family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers, God worked through all types of people, and with them came food, gifts, cards in the mail, flowers, dog sitting, grass cutting, flower planting, banners, rides, shopping, laundry, baby blankets, et cetera. Even more importantly came love, support, kind words, phone calls, visits to the hospital and the house, and most importantly prayers. We felt those prayers; we believe we felt every one of those prayers. We can#146;t tell you how many times we hit the wall and felt we couldn#146;t go on, or even get out of bed in the morning. How many times we woke up at night, the night is dark and lonely and fear seemed much worse, and we could not go on. From somewhere came a strength that helped us through the next minute, hour, or day. Those were your prayers, that was God in action. As each of you reached out to us, you touched us in ways you could not imagine. As days went by we realized we were being carried through this time. We know we have seen God through the people he sent to be around us. As we look around this church we feel His Presence through you, the people who have done his work and lifted us up with your support and prayer. You and God are why we stand before you today, not with anger, not with bitterness, not as victims, but rather as fortunate people. We stand before you with; GRATITUDE for being Matthew#146;s parents. GRATITUDE for being the parents of Ben, Jackie, and Allie, who are the strongest, most awesome children and parent could ever dream of having. GRATITUDE for our parents, your role modeling of great marriages, what it is to be a family, strength, unconditional love, unselfish giving of your time and energy. GRATITUDE for our brothers and sisters and their spouses for giving of their time, support, phone calls, food, and love. GRATITUDE for our nieces and nephews who have shown a love and support to us and to their cousins, which increase our faith in today#146;s youth. GRATITUDE for all our friends for all that you have done, and how you reached out to us each in your own special way. GRATITUDE for our children#146;s friends who have supported them and continue to bring the joy of friendship into our home. GRATITUDE for Father Nick and Father Mark who have become strong spiritual advisors to both our children and us. They have helped us deal with ethical and medical issues, helping us to understand God#146;s role in this tragedy and our place in God#146;s universe. GRATITUDE to our employees who have really carried the ball in our absence and took away so many pressures from work during this difficult time. GRATITUDE for the Midwives who helped bring Matthew into our lives against great odds with love, care, and compassion. GRATITUDE to all the Doctors, Nurses, and Medical Staff who helped us bring Matthew home. GRATITUDE to Visiting Nurse Hospice who guided us through Matthew#146;s final days and reinforced our decision to bring him home to die. How can a child who lived only nineteen days have a legacy? We see Matt#146;s life as a stone thrown into a still pool of water. The initial splash is short, but the ripples continue to have long lasting effects. Our family is changed. We cannot help but see the world differently. We feel strengthened in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We feel strengthened in our love for our children and for all of you. Matthew showed us, even with his flawed body, that every life is precious and has purpose. Each time we hug our children, each time we reach out to others in their difficult time, each time we turn to God for strength, we will do it differently because of Matt. We know Matthew is in a better place, and we hope to keep his little spirit alive as we remember all the kindness, compassion, faith, hope, and love his short life inspired. We believe if Matthew#146;s life can win one heart for Christ it will have been glorious. Matthew#146;s mother followed with these thoughts: To Our Dear Sweet Matthew, We are filled with joy that God had chosen us to be your parents. It is a privilege to have brought you into this world and to have shared our love and our life with you. We were only able to hold you in our arms for such a short time, but we are comforted in the knowledge that you are now in the loving arms of Jesus. We are so proud of you Matthew and we hope that we can make you proud of us. We will love and cherish you all the days of our life. TILL WE MEET AGAIN More >>

The Power To Change Good Morning Dr. Laura, Sometimes when I am listening, I don#146;t understand the direction the caller is going in. The story is told and there doesn#146;t seem to be a question. At times, I have noticed this happens to you, too. Today when this happened, you simply stated #150; I didn#146;t follow what you were saying #150; and asked the caller to simplify. Other times you have asked, #147;So what is your question for me?#148; These seem to be good phrases to get the caller to pinpoint what the caller needs help with. I like the positive asset search you did with a caller that admitted that something was her fault. You remarked that since it is your fault, this gives you the power to change. This was a neat way to turn a gloomy outlook into a bright one. Have a good weekend. With His love, Nicole. More >>

Who Needs This?! Dear Dr. Laura, I have been a faithful listener for nearly ten years, but lately you have absolutely been heavy on my heart. Thank you seems like such a monstrously inadequately expression for all I feel toward you and all you have given me. What I really want to say is you#146;ve enriched my life immeasurably, touched me in the deepest ways and changed me forever. I have always had a strong inner moral-compass, but I am a better wife, friend, daughter, aunt and sister because of you. This giving, I know, has made you a target for so many, at great personal cost to yourself. I am truly moved at your willingness to shoulder such a heavy burden, given so unjustly. Despite the fact you obviously know how to enjoy life and don#146;t need to work, you continue to get up every morning and give of yourself over and over and over again. Selflessly giving to others, teaching us, helping us and reasoning with us out of your great wisdom, instinct, intuition and insight. In your position, most of us by now would have said, #147; Who needs this??! #148; I#146;m sure your heart has been broken dozens of times and be more-than-a-little battle scarred. For your determination, grit, courage and selfless giving, you have my profound gratitude, admiration and respect. I pray daily and deeply that God will continue to come to your aid to bring you comfort, refreshment and respite from the crush of the battle. You are in my heart and in my prayers Dr. Laura. I love you. May God Bless and Keep You. Shari G.P.S. Your keen insight and wisdom are a constant source of encouragement and goading for me, and in the struggles I face in my life, your voice inside my head (figuratively, of course#133;) is always close enough for me to hear. Thank you for taking all of us on your journey with you and for helping us along on ours. More >>

He Was Selfish When You Met Him Dear Dr. Laura, I#146;m a regular listener to your show and I find that my values usually are the same as yours when it comes to marriage, religion and family and other core values. I usually listen to your show during my lunch hour, in the Los Angeles market on AM 640, KFI. Today, I heard a young woman say she was in love with her boyfriend of six months and was pretty sure he was going to propose marriage on her upcoming birthday. Her dilemma was, her family (father, aunt and uncle) didn#146;t approve of him because they said he talked down to them. Basically it sounded as if they found him to be arrogant. You advised her to not accept his proposal for at least a year because, #1 #150; they have not known each other long enough, and #2 #150; her family may have a point. Let me say, I can relate to her family. One of my closest friends married a man whom we (her friends and family) told her was arrogant and selfish. At the time, he was her #147;knight in shining armor#148; simply because he was a step up from her ex, a man who really treated her poorly. Where as her husband was not like her ex in many ways, his selfishness and arrogance has seriously affected their marriage of five years. In the beginning, their marriage was very good. They paid off debt, bought a house, finished their education and found better jobs. About two years into the marriage, the Real Man showed up. He takes vacations by himself, sometimes without clearing the expense with her. He buys expensive #147;toys#148; without consulting her, causing her to have to rearrange their budget. He#146;ll stop on the way home from work and get himself dinner and not bring anything home for her. When she talked to him once about saving for their future and that they needed to save more money, he told her he wasn#146;t worried about HIS future because he would be okay. When discussing this problem with her one day, I said to her #147;what did you expect? He was selfish when you met him!#148; She said, #147;I didn#146;t think he#146;d treat me like this because he treated me so well when we were dating.#148; She saw what she needed to see in him in order to be okay with marrying him at the time. I say all this to say that if your caller#146;s boyfriend is showing signs of arrogance now, it will probably manifest itself in ways that will harm their relationship later. It would be in her best interest to wait and see how he treats her, and the people in his life, before marrying him. Take care and have a great day! More >>