Making Smart Choices In Life Dear Dr. Laura, I have had two experiences this week I think you could appreciate. Let me start by telling you I#146;ll be married a year in November, I#146;m 32 years old, and right now we#146;re working on making our first kidlet. I#146;ve told my husband since we started dating that I will not have children unless I can stay home. He was always a little skeptical about the possibility, but willing to concede that it is important. Recently we have been saving money and paying off debt, and he#146;s seen that we can live on less income. This past weekend I went to a class at a local hospital called "Maybe a Baby". It was for couples contemplating having a child, and for those already expecting. The theme was preparation-financial, physical and emotional. After going over some general things about verifying that you have adequate health insurance, the Certified Nurse Midwife who was teaching the class made a statement that brought tears to my eyes. She said we should all start planning now to figure out how one of us could stay home with the baby. She pointed out how heart wrenching it is for new mothers to leave their babies, not to mention the fact that no one will care for and love your child as much as Mommy and Daddy. She also urged any of the women who were still in school to finish before they start making babies. I was ecstatic to hear a healthcare professional bring this up in a class for would-be parents. I wanted to stand up and throw my arms around her. This morning I got out of the shower after reflecting some more on this, to find my husband watching the morning news. He had just seen a recent story about a couple that used a Nanny Cam and caught their child being abused in their home. My husband turned to me and said, #147;I just realized that I won#146;t be able to live with myself if I can#146;t make sure that you stay home with our children.#148; Of course, I fell in love with him all over again. I hope that more women in my generation are starting to turn the tide of farming out the kids to strangers so they can make money for more things. I was a daycare kid from the age of six weeks old until I was 7, when I became a latchkey kid. I later worked in the childcare industry for 5 years. I#146;ve seen enough to know I#146;d rather not have children than to have to put them in one of those places. Thank you for all the work you do, and for helping me make some smart choices in my life. Sincerely, Cammy Phoenix, AZ More >>

How to Contact Your Congressional Representatives To contact your Congressional Representatives, call one of the following switchboard numbers, indicate to the operator yourzip code, and they will, in turn give you appropriate names and contact #'s. For House of Reps call 202-225-3121 For Senators call 202-224-3121 OR Look under government agencies in your local phone book OR (internet) www.senate.gov www.house.gov Then go to "member offices"; from there you'll find an alphabeticallisting of Senators or Representatives. Be certain to post your government official's names and numbers for the nexttime we have a CALL TO ACTION to support and/or block important legislation. More >>

He's Doing Things The Doctors Thought Would Never Happen Dr. Laura I respect your strength to stand for sound morals in this world that is so confused. I thank my husband who works hard for our family so I can be a stay at home mom for our children. I just heard a caller on the show whose wife and he had made the decision to abort their child#151;My heart aches for what they are going through. We also were "informed" the best decision for our baby would be to abort our son, so we wouldn't have to deal with decisions later on in life, and that if we continued the pregnancy our son would only live 4 minutes in the delivery room or be severely deformed and handicapped. Our faith in God could not let us take their approach and my husband, who was so strong for us during that time explained they should not bring abortion up again. We decided to give him every opportunity to live and were prepared to rely on God to help us through. God drew us closer to him and to each other through these 4 months, the hardest days of our lives. We anticipated the worst day of our lives and God worked a miracle there before the doctor's eyes. Our son breathed, cried, and ate right there after delivery. Things doctors thought would never happen. Our son has a very rare condition called arthrogyposis. He can not move his arms and has limited use of his legs. He has learned how to use other muscles to compensate He is the brightest, happiest baby we have ever seen! He is the light of our lives, and the joy of everyone who touches his life. His smile lights up the room. Many people have been our support through that time, we are adjusting our lives to help meet his needs. Our son is 11 months now and has a big sister who is 2 years old. My husband often tells people who are amazed how well we accepted these new challenges, he feels honored God chose us to care for a special little boy who we need more than he needs us. I cannot send the pretense all is a bed of roses, we still have emotional days wondering what lies ahead of our son and how he will accept life's challenges, but we are committed to giving him all we can. I am sure this is no comfort for the poor family who is grieving their baby. I just feel moved for others who are facing these decisions to step up to the bat and accept what life gives you. Give these children a chance at life, your will not regret your decision. You will be amazed how well you adapt to new responsibilities and the joy it will bring your life. Thanks for your time. Heather K. More >>

Dear Dr. Laura, Recently, while driving with my husband and 8 year old daughter, we were listening to your program. When Jordan (our daughter) said, #147;I know what I want to do when I grow up, I want to be Dr. Laura#146;s sidekick.#148; When we asked her why, she said, #147;Well mom, I know that living with a man is wrong if you are not married; I know that sucking a baby into a sink is killing it; and I know that if you make a mistake and have sex before you are married and get pregnant, that you should give the baby up for adoption to two loving parents.#148; Well that was a real Dr. Laura moment. Jordan#146;s Mom More >>

Dr. Laura, I was amazed at the guy who called you #147;a religious nut#148; on yesterday#146;s program. He was living a life style that he admitted he would not approve of for his son or daughter, (if there was nothing wrong with what he is doing I wonder why) completely self-centered and incredulous that someone would infer that married parents would change anything. We have truly come full circle. Suggesting that an intact, committed family is best for the kids (and the parents) is the view of a #147;religious nut#148;. Living together, having children out of wedlock and putting yourself first at the expense of others is #147;normal#148;. How sad. How much the #147;normal#148; people miss out on! I am proud to say I am not normal in that sense, ordinary, never rising above my own circumstances. By the way, The American Heritage dictionary defines #147;nut#148; as #147;an enthusiast#148;. I guess that makes everyone a #147;nut#148; over something. How much better to be an enthusiast for the message, #147;Love Your Neighbor as Yourself#148; than for #147;Do Your Own Thing.#148; Don A. More >>

Amy Dickinson of Time Magazine writes about Dr. Laura's new Book Parenthood By Proxy : "You have to hand it to Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who has built an impressive career as the hectoring moral lightning rod of American family life, telling people what they don't want to hear about how they conduct themselves and especially how they raise their kids.... Dr. Laura's latest book, Parenthood by Proxy, argues that parents should devote themselves to rearing their children, rather than farming the job out to nannies and teachers. At least one parent should stay at home full time, even if that means interrupting a career. Anything less, Schlessinger says, is selfish and neglectful." Read the whole article . More >>

Shacking Up I have been listening to you for about 2 years. And 2 years ago I thought you were wrong about shacking up. At the time, my boyfriend and I had been together about 4 years. We had our problems, like anyone does. At least that's what I thought. When I heard you talk about how men really see the women they are 'shacking up' with, I thought NO WAY 'My boyfriend looks at me like a wife, we just aren't married! That Dr. Laura missed it on this one!' My HUSBAND and I have now been married for 9 months. We were together for a total of 6 years before we married and living together for about 5 1/2 years.Since we've been married, my girlfriends ask me all the time in this gossipy way - "What's married life like?" Like I am supposed to say we stopped having sex and we fight all the time! But what I say is the truth - "since we got married my once very untrusting husband (not because of anything I did!), suddenly trusts me. Even for me to leave town over night for business or to see a dear friend (something I was unable to do for the past 6 years). My once very jealous husband now doesn't worry about the fact I work with mostly men...if he sees an old picture of me with my ex he no longer gets fired up! And here is the best part...my husband...the guy who "never wanted kids" suddenly had a change of heart and wants a baby SOON And I get to be a stay at home mom!! So...Dr. Laura... You were right. I shall never doubt you again! Let me just say - given our history and everything we have become - I wouldn't change anything about our past even if I could because I wouldn't want to change who we are now. BUT - I can tell you if I am ever single in the future I will NEVER SHACK UP EVER EVER AGAIN! L. More >>

Angry? Try Giving A Hug I recently heard you suggest to a caller that she hug her husband when she was angry with him. Tonight I had the opportunity to try out this suggestion. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We have a good marriage and yet lately have been fighting due to a lot of external tension and pressures. It was clear to me that my husband was taking out his stress on me and everyone around him. I wanted to scream, "You are being a jerk!" and yet I said with the sweetest voice I could, "Do you need a hug?" After I saw the shock on his face and a look of confusion, his eyes softened and he said, "Yeah" in his sweetest voice. He even had tears and asked why I would hug him when I was so upset with him. I did admit that it was your suggestion and he was so impressed you might even get a thank you note from him. It really worked! It was so incredibly hard to muster up the strength to hug him instead of scream at him and yet I'm so glad I did. I'm so glad I was listening to you that day. You really do learn something every day. Many thanks, C. More >>

Things I Have Wanted To Say The following is an email I sent my wife: "Dear C, I have listened to the audio book on the Proper Care Feeding of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She touches on things that I already strongly agree with, but she also said many things that I never fully realized before, things I also agree with. For instance, I cannot control you, your thoughts, or your feelings. I know in the past I have tried to make you feel a certain way about me, or treat me a certain way. When I didn't get the results I was hoping for, I would get hurt or upset, and then I would do something to hurt or upset you in return. This only made things worse. According to the book, I only have control over my own feelings and actions, so the right thing for me to do is to treat you lovingly and with respect, and not to try to make you treat me the way I want to be treated. Also, I should not wait for you to treat me a certain way before I am willing to do so, that if you are a decent person, you will recognize my efforts, and you will be motivated to put forth your own effort. So from now on I promise to treat you better and with more respect, because...that's all I can do! Another thing I need to work on is listening to what you have to say, even when you are criticizing me (perhaps, especially when you are criticizing me), to not interrupt you while you are speaking, and to not get all defensive and try to justify my words or my actions. Even if I feel that I am right and you are wrong, the simple fact that you are complaining means that I have done something (or haven't done something) that has upset or hurt you. I realize that now, and I am sorry. After you have finished speaking, I need to find some truth about what you have said, and I need to make every effort to fix it, or at least not to do it again. Being married isn't about being right all of the time! I need to stop being selfish. I know in the past, when I was not feeling accepted, loved, or appreciated, I would try to compensate for the emptiness inside by rewarding myself, either by going out and buying myself something I wanted or by taking the time to do something I wanted to do. I would justify this by telling myself that this was something I deserved for all of my hard work and effort, and for providing for my family, and if you weren't going to make me feel accepted, loved, and appreciated, I would just take it upon myself to do so. I am able to see now how this was selfish behavior. After all, none of these things made me feel any better about myself, they only resulted in me spending more time away from my family. I need to give more of myself to my family, to make sure that their needs and expectations are met. I need to be a good husband and father, and provide more for my family than just financial stability, and maybe then I will be worthy of my family's love, appreciation, and acceptance, and maybe then I won't feel so empty inside. Also, I need to watch my words. I know that when I am feeling emotional, frustrated, or hurt, I sometimes say things in the heat of the moment that I really don't mean, or that I will later regret saying. Words are one thing that, once spoken, can never be taken back, and sometimes the damage done by these words can never be undone. We have both experienced this first hand. I know I have said things to you that have cut you so deeply that your wounds may never fully heal, or may heal, but will leave behind nasty scars as constant reminders of the pain that I once caused you. I realize now that some of the things I have said have only driven us further apart. I apologize for the ugly things that I have sometimes said to you, and I understand if you are unable to ever forgive me for saying those things. I only hope that you can still be with me in spite of the pain. It will be my burden to live with, knowing that I have hurt the one that I love, and my commitment to never do it again. I must choose my words more wisely, and I must realize that sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I don't want this marriage to end badly. I want to keep my family in tact. Maybe you have done all you can to try and save our marriage, and maybe it wasn't enough, but at least you have given it your all. I really do appreciate that. I don't think I have reached that point yet. I think I still have more to give, and I don't want to have to live with the regret that I could have, should have done more. That's why I desperately want to try one last time to make this marriage work, to keep my family together under one roof. Leave everything out on the table. Then if we still can't save our marriage, at least we can end it peacefully, with no regrets, and knowing in our hearts that there was nothing else we could do and that there were no other alternatives. love, c." More >>

Attitude Can Make A Difference in "Stepping" Dear Dr. Laura, After listening to yet another stepmother complaining about her stepchildren, I felt compelled to write you. I don#146;t understand what is wrong with these women. As the #147;assistant#148; mom to two special stepchildren, I realize that these kids mean everything in the world to my husband, and after 8 years of marriage, they mean everything in the world to me. My stepson was in trouble with drugs and the lay for the first 3-4 years of our marriage, and there were times I was frustrated, angry, and disappointed with him, but I always loved him and cared for him. When my husband and I married, we married a family together, not just the two of us. I have two children of my own, and my husband has embraced them and loved them too. When we talk about #147;our#148; kids, we talk about all 4 of them! Dr. Laura, we both get frustrated with #147;our#148; children, we are disappointed sometimes with their decisions, or their behavior, but it just wouldn#146;t occur to either of us that we could #147;opt out#148; in our roles as parents to ALL of these children. We accepted the responsibility for our blended family when we married, and we#146;ve also reaped the joy that comes from seeing these kids grow into wise and good human beings. Our son has straightened up his act and is now a total delight and pleasure to us, but the road wasn#146;t easy. Our younger kids (my bio kids) are challenging right now, but we get great satisfaction in teaching them good values. The kids enjoy each other, and people who know us say that they can#146;t figure out whose kids are whose! We just smile and say, #147;they#146;re ours.#148; My husband and I are not unique people, not saints by any means, but we are clear headed about what is the right thing to do in this situation. Tell these whiny stepmothers to grow up and act like godly women with how they think about their stepchildren. They#146;ll reap great rewards if they do. Sincerely, Anita B. More >>