Before I became a step-parent, I wish I would have known my soon-to-be ex-husband would NEVER place healthy boundaries with the mother of his child. I wish I would have realized he would never see us as a team. I wish I would have known I would always be the "third" person in his life. I wish I would have known he would always consider his son as "his", not "ours". I wish I would have known that little boy would "always" have loyalties to his mother who in turn used him as a tool to manipulate and still does today. I wish I would have known my husband would never think I would love or care for his son like my own. 

I think a step-parent puts so much time and effort into wanting to make the relationship work that oftentimes they get nothing in return because that stepchild will always pick their bio-parent over the step-parent. The issues with bio-mom/stepson ultimately is what was the demise of my marriage. And I have two young children with my husband. 

Now three children are hurt.  What a mess we adults created.  

Vickie