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Subject: |
Being My Husband's Girlfriend Feels Fake |
| Date: |
2009-10-06
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Being My Husband's Girlfriend Feels Fake
Dear Dr. Laura,
Thank you for expressing to your female listeners the importance of being a good girlfriend. Quite frankly most of us guys know this is an area where we will only make it worse if we bring it up to our wives. Unfortunately my wife is not exactly a big fan of yours because she believes you are too biased towards men. She is a wonderful stay at home mother of three boys (ages 10, 8, and 6), a great wife, but unfortunately a very poor girlfriend.
About a year ago during a safe conversation, I asked my wife how often she initiated intimacy in the last year and during the 12 years we've been married. She gave an accurate answer of once in the last year and maybe 15 times during the 12 years. She continues to say that she feels like a "fake" if she acts sexually but doesn't "feel" like it, kind of like its lying. Even currently she believes I am a good boyfriend who plans regular date nights, is masculine, athletic, kind, thoughtful, and I can't remember what else. Once she is turned on she almost always ends up having multiple orgasms and thinks it's great, only to lie there while it's my turn and she cracks her knuckles and spaces out thinking about things she needs to do.
I am man who has a reputation for being a strong, principled servant/leader, one who is a good father, sweet husband, and a man of integrity. But this morning I sit..... Again, overwhelmed with guilt from another late night chatting with fake women. I don't care about the pictures, my wife looks better than those digitally altered women anyway, but being wanted.... That's the poison. So here I sit, unable to look in the mirror, scared to death that someday my son's will find out I'm a fake, scared that someday I might do something irreparable, scared to death of this awful monster within me.
While I would never tell my wife about the chatting specifically, I have also learned to stay quiet about my needs in general. I would only hear a fiery response reminding me of how wet behind the ears I was when we were first married, how it would be easier if we could take beach vacations like other women, drive new Suburbans, shop without worrying about the budget. So I think when she wakes up I'll smile and say "Good morning sweetie, how did you sleep last night?
I wonder if this is how she feels when she says it feels.... fake.
J
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