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Subject: |
It's Time To Move On From My Friend |
| Date: |
2009-10-06
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It's Time To Move On From My Friend
I just listened to your conversation with the woman that wanted to know if she should support or defend her husband or her parents over inviting the husband's irresponsible sister on a extended family outing. I think your answer clarified a dilemma I have with a long-time "friend."
I have known this friend for almost forty years. She has so many good points, as all friends do, but I have come to the conclusion that I must let go. I don't agree with her lifestyle, and one incident recently made me extremely discouraged regarding our friendship, but I haven't known what to say or how to approach her about what happened.
She has been through numerous divorces, cannot and will not manage money, and has lost her job recently as have many others in our country. She also has started an on-line "relationship" with someone far away. Recently, she called to tell me she was flying to meet this person in a city quite far from home. When I asked why she didn't demand for him to come and meet her in familiar surroundings, she said it would be more fun to go there. When I stated that she didn't really know him (even though they had been corresponding for 6 whole months!!) she said her plane ticket could be changed and if the situation wasn't okay, she would come home. And, she really didn't know if the trip would really happen, even though she was leaving the next day. Not to mention she doesn't have the money to pay for such and trip gee, I wonder who is paying for what? I asked her to let me or someone know when she was leaving, where she would be, and when she would be back.
Instead of calling me, she called my adult daughter because she "didn't want a lecture" from me. My daughter asked exactly the same things I asked her - she certainly didn't get what she needed there. It has been over a week since she returned and except for a very brief e-mail to say she was home, I haven't heard from her, which included ignoring my birthday. I think she's afraid to call me, and she should be. I think it's time to pull back.
The times I listened to her woes and encouraged her when she made the right moves in life-style changes have all been undone with this last act. And, I think I am done. I will have the opportunity to tell her how discouraged I am if and when she calls. Otherwise, it is just done. I want the best for her, but she doesn't want the best for herself. My support is worthless with no self-respect on her part it's time to move on.
Thanks for the wisdom you give us each day.
A Listener
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