 
| |
Subject: |
Shining The Light On Dirty Garbage |
| Date: |
2009-11-02
|
|
Shining The Light On Dirty Garbage
Dear Dr. Laura,
I have never called in to you before, but you have helped me through one of the hardest times of my life. Thanks to you I can say with full confidence that I AM my kid's mom!
My in-laws have always been alcoholics, and their behavior towards my husband and I had always been unhealthy, controlling, and distressing. Having a drunk for a father-in-law was disappointing, but something I learned to deal with in my somewhat infrequent relationship with him.
After the birth of my daughter, I experienced a feeling I had never had before in my life: I KNEW, I just knew, what was right for my little girl, without anyone advising me. I knew that my child was ill equipped to deal with her grandparents' horrible behavior the way I had been able to, and by leaving her with them I would be placing her in danger of physical and emotional harm.
I never questioned what I needed to do, and my husband, knowing his parents, was more than willing to go along with the "rules". No overnighters, no time alone with the drunks, no way. No alcoholic and his enabler wife were going to put MY BABY at risk, no way.
Unfortunately, I did not receive much support from any other family members, especially my husband's family. I was accused of being dramatic, a "helicopter-parent", and was seen as being the bitch who "stole" my husband away from his family. Undeterred, I continued protecting my daughter, despite the guilt that began to plague me every day.
I sought counseling from an expert in alcoholism in the hopes of understanding more about the family dynamics and, perhaps, to assuage my guilty feelings. The more I learned about the way alcoholics and enablers worked, the more I KNEW I had made the right choice concerning the welfare of my little girl. But, as you frequently point out, "feelings" can sometimes take precedence over knowledge, and I continued to feel guilt. I wished for my relationship with my in-laws to be happy and fulfilling.
That's where you come in Dr. Laura. I listen to you every afternoon and began to pick up on some "common sense" in snippets here and there. The stories were not always identical to mine, but similar in one way or another. I began to grab a notebook and write down some of your phrases that made so much sense, and were so simple I often wondered how I had not come up with them myself. Here are a few:
"He's a DRUNK! He's a DRUNK! What do you expect to change???"
"Don't fight with a pig. You'll get dirty and they love it."
"You could not put a gun to my head and force me to leave my kid with someone dangerous."
"When someone is doing something wrong, it's not impolite to tell them it's wrong, it's
necessary."
"Would you give up your child in exchange for a perfect relationship with your father?"
For so long I had been feeling guilty for doing what was best for my child!!!! As my counselor put it, "No one likes to have a light shone on their dirty garage."
Back
|
|
