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Subject: |
Institutionalized Day Care |
| Date: |
2009-11-02
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Institutionalized Day Care
Dr. Laura,
This is from my own Facebook blog. I posted it the other day after a conversation my wife (who stays at home to raise our 3 children and also happens to be named Laura!) and I had on the topic of large-group daycare. The post was as follows:
Were you a "daycare" kid or an "at home" kid? Does it make a difference? Today I'm going to discuss a theory that I recently developed (thank you Laura, my inspiration) that has no scientific foundation or basis other than my own rationale - so don't worry it's solid. Should anyone know of research that has been done on the topic, please feel free to cite it.
Most "traditional" American families (i.e. 2 parents, 2.4 children, 1.6 pets) have to make the difficult and very important decision about daycare. Does one of the potential money-earners stay home to raise their children or will the kids be sent to a daycare facility? Today's topic doesn't concentrate so much on the "right or wrong" aspect of daycare, but rather the ultimate result with regards to the child's emotional development and, therefore, the effect on society.
Try to remember a time when you got in trouble as a child. Now, I'm not talking about trouble for not making your bed or for calling your sister a "poopy-head". I mean something significant - like getting caught cheating on a test, getting in a fight or caught for stealing. Take a moment and think of something like that. I'll wait...
Now, try to remember how that made you feel. Do you remember being more upset that you got caught? Was your first concern about what would happen? Or maybe... your first concern was what someone ELSE was going to think when they found out? We're all taught at an early age WHAT things are right and wrong - and many times we're even told WHY, but how and why do we (some of us) develop our sense of caring? Everyone knows it's wrong to throw trash on the ground, but some just don't care. We all know it's wrong to cheat on a spouse, but some don't care. We all know it's wrong to kill another person, but some just don't CARE. I theorize that there is a STRONG connection between parental influence and moral compass. Children that spend more time during their formative years with a positive parental influence develop a stronger connection with that person: The stronger that connection, the more sacred the bond and the more likely the child is to want to PLEASE the adult. To explain the theory further, here is a real-world example (sorry for those that don't know or never had the pleasure of learning under Mr. Jerry Rice):
Shelbyville High School
Teacher: Jerry Rice
Subject: Spanish
Mr. Rice (Señor) had, without a doubt, the most controlled and loyal student following I have ever seen. Students were ALWAYS in their seats with subject matter ready to go by the bell. No one spoke out of turn and everyone tried to have their homework done. Señor rarely smiled, but when he did we loved it. He worked us bell to bell and we loved it. He gave us homework EVERY stinking night (un día sin tarea es un día sin sol) and we loved him even more. Everyone raised their hand to answer every question no matter what - but remember what would happen if you didn't have the assignment done and he called on you? Holy moly, the man would shun you... at least a day or two. He wouldn't call on you even if you had your hand up. He would practically ignore your existence... and it made you feel like CRAP! Then, when he decided it was time, he'd call on you again and, almost without fail, would say, "Welcome back." The sense of relief and belonging that would rush back in at that moment was immeasurable. Our rationale for being on time, doing the work, behaving... it wasn't generated by fear of detention or lower scores. It was because we genuinely CARED what he thought of us. It was about not disappointing HIM.
Children that spend more time with their mothers and/or fathers as a child (ages 1-5) are more likely to develop a stronger bond with that parent and, therefore, make a stronger correlation between an inappropriate action and the "emotional" consequences. For these children it's not about being grounded and missing the party. It's about not having to rebuild a foundation of trust with a parent or other authority figure. That tie... that desire to curry favor with those key individuals becomes a habit that carries over into our adult lives and STAYS WITH US FOREVER. I may no longer worry that Mr. Rice, in particular, would be upset to find me pulled over for a DUI, but somehow, in the back of my mind, the morality-based fear still exists. It wouldn't actually be too tough to spend a night in jail. I mean, shoot, anyone ever been camping? Couldn't be much worse. Paying a fine doesn't hurt. It's the aftermath - the public scrutiny, the KNOWING that everyone would know that keeps me from getting behind the wheel.
So what about people that don't have that? What if mom and dad were just people that woke us up and put us to bed? Fed us and took us to soccer games? What if they were just like the rest of the people in our lives? Would we develop that same sense of moral behavior? Maybe. But I bet if someone did a study of amoral crimes and whether the felons had stay-at-home parents or went to day care, you'd find an overwhelming number would be either daycare or had deadbeat felon parents.
So, does sending your kids to daycare mean they'll be bad people? Not necessarily. Does it mean staying at home with them will make them good people? Not necessarily. But does working and letting someone else raise your children make you less of a parent? No, it just makes you a parent less of the time. And that... well, that stays with us forever.
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