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Subject: |
Sometimes It Hurts To Have A Spine |
| Date: |
2010-03-18
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Sometimes It Hurts To Have A Spine
Dear Dr. Laura.
I have listened to you for many years and believe you have helped me be a better mom to my three children and a better wife to my husband of nearly 30 years. You helped me develop a spine. But having a spine sometimes hurts, doesn't it?
Listening to you helped me handle my oldest daughter's teenage pregnancy, and gave me the strength to help her give her son a family through adoption. My daughter and grandson are both doing well seven years after. It was so hard to let him go but we knew he deserved a better life than my daughter was prepared to offer him. But it still hurts.
Lately, that having-a-spine-caused-pain is back due to my youngest daughter. She and her fiance planned a July 4th wedding this year, and although we think they're too young, we believed his service in the military matured him enough to handle marriage to our daughter, and so we helped plan a wedding for them. They agreed to get married in our church, and other details were done with their input and agreement. The young man is due to transfer to a closer base this month. My daughter dropped the bomb that she intended to move in with him before the wedding because she was too tired of texting and talking on the phone. After much prayer I sent a gentle email to them both (he is based 4000 miles away and the time difference made a conference call impossible) telling them that their future was worth the sacrifice of a few months, and that giving in now would make a mockery of their wedding day. I also told them that if they still chose to live together that her dad and I could not pay for the wedding.
Well, they decided to get married the day after he transfers, even though our family and friends can't be there, and even though we will lose all the deposits. I am told that she doesn't need family because we've never supported her. She does need us and we do support her, but not when she's doing something wrong. Someday she'll realize this. I could give in so that I can see my daughter walk down the aisle, but I won't give in to her immature tantrum. To throw away my principles because it is breaking my heart would be the wrong message to all my kids. So for now my heart is broken but I know I am being the best mom I can be at the moment. I love her and wish her the best.
S.
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