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Subject: |
I Need to "Un-Friend" Her! |
| Date: |
2009-10-13
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I Need to "Un-Friend" Her!
Dr. L: Well we're taking Bebe for a walk and solving all the problems for the universe. So what's the next problem?
Kimberly: Okay, from Marla:
"I've gotten into a deeper friendship with someone who started out as an acquaintance, and the more I've found out about her, the more I don't want to go further down the friendship path. She wants to become better friends and keeps asking 'what's wrong?' when I politely decline to spend more time with her. How do I "un-friend" someone gracefully?"
Dr. L: Well, you know one of the things about being a friend or caring about other people is giving them information that they can use to improve, get better, change, grow, whatever. So when we're having trouble with somebody, it's always kind of scary and makes us nervous to imagine telling them, "You know what? When we eat and you just spit out all the food like you're a fly...[because that's how they, you know, digest]...I don't want to go out to dinner with you". I mean, we feel very uncomfortable and kind of stupid and we figure they're going to get angry and say bad things back to us. But the reality is, there are nice ways to say, "You know I was thinking about us being friends but I don't know, in some ways, I'm a little uncomfortable. We're not a match. You're very interested in jumping out of airplanes and I'm very interested in sitting there and eating popcorn and watching movies." So you give some clarity, without it being a judgment (so to speak), just saying "it's a difference -- I'm not that comfortable". But in essence, you're giving that person information that they can use to get better. I mean that's one of the things we're supposed to do. We're supposed to help each other a bit. You know, like, I would try to help you with your hair but it's perfect. But if it weren't perfect, I would help you. And I'm Dr. Laura.
Kimberly: And I'm Kimberly Neill.
Dr. L: And we'll be back again, and again, and again. Meanwhile, I'm taking the dog for a walk.
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