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Subject: |
Parenting a Grown-Up Child |
| Date: |
2009-12-08
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Parenting a Grown-Up Child
Hi, I'm Dr. Laura and our YouTube channel question for today is from Nancy:
"I have an only child, who is an adult. I've always worked on being the best mom I can, which for a grown daughter out on her own means something different than having a little one at home. What's the best way to be a good parent to a grown-up child?"
Oh, good question. One is to not act like they're still eight [years old] because they get testy. The other is to act like you're their best buddy. They have friends but they still need a mother. So being loving and kind, and compassionate and sometimes buttoning your lip. [Makes a lock and key motion by her mouth]
I find myself doing that with my son. He'll do or say something and I'll so want to make a comment about it and I don't. Sometimes I ask a question, "Oh, so you're going to do 'that' and 'that' and 'that'? Oh, you think you can do 'that' and 'that' and 'that' and still do 'that'? Wow." And then sometimes they think about it themselves and go "well, maybe that is a lot to do" and then do that. (I'm being vague because I don't want to tell anything about my kid.) [Laughs] But you get what I'm saying.
You can ask questions, you can use the Socratic method asking questions, but don't dictate anymore, don't complain and whine. The best way to have them call often is when they call and it's a pleasant experience. Then they'll want to call more. Now, do you say [in a whiny voice], "You don't call me and now I'm so sad?" And sometimes it's nice just to text them that you're thinking of them, and they don't have to respond each time. Do not use your kids as the "be all and end all" of your life either. That's what your spouse and friends are for. Okay? Okay. Now, you do what I tell you or I'll put you in your room without supper.
I'm Dr. Laura. Until next time. And I'll still be Dr. Laura next time, but you'll be back.
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