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Subject: |
Role Reversal: Dad Stays at Home, Mom Works |
| Date: |
2010-02-23
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Role Reversal: Dad Stays at Home, Mom Works
I'm Dr. Laura. Welcome to our YouTube channel and we've got a letter here from Karen:
"If a mom works, and the dad stays home with the children, does this have any psychological effect on the kids with respect to their relationships later in life? You talk a lot about stay-at-home moms, but I don't recall hearing much about what happens when the roles are reversed. Is it better for boys if the dad stays home, or does it matter?"
Well, this is one that gets very sensitive because, in general (that means there are exceptions everywhere, okay?) but in general, when the moms are working and the dads are at home, the moms (the women, the wives) tend to change their feelings somewhat about their husbands. They tend not to see them as their heroes, the warrior, the man, the caretaker, the provider, the protector. And those feelings are really very significant. And I have found, over the years, that there often is more marital strife when the roles are reversed. Whether you're a feminist or not, whether you like it or not, "them's just the facts".
Now, it often works very well. And when it works very well, and when it...okay, when it works very well, it's good for the kids. When it doesn't work very well, it's not good for the kids. So the point is not: are the roles reversed and does it hurt the children, the point is: are the roles reversed and are their parents [holds up hands and makes a sound and argumentative gesture] about it. Is dad being treated with less respect? Is mom coming home sort of bitter that she's not with the kids and feeling like since she earns the money, she's the boss? It's this kind of negativity and dissension that hurts the kids. But the families where there is role reversal, it doesn't seem to matter for the future for the kids.
The boys could see this and still decide they want to be the person that goes out to work. So the real issue is how do mom and dad treat each other. Do they show each other love, patience, and compassion and schmooziness? Or not? That's what makes the difference for the kids, not who's bringing home the bacon, or who's frying it...whatever that is.
I'm Dr. Laura. See you next time.
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