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Subject: |
Getting A Second Wind At Romance |
| Date: |
2009-02-09
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Getting A Second Wind
At Romance
By Emily Sue Harvey
www.renewalstories.com
How many of us know that male and female ways of saying "I love you"
can vary as widely as grilled steak to scrambled eggs? And both
approaches are exquisitely profound. And how many know that as the
years pass and the children marry and leave, romance can be even
hotter? Hah! You didn’t expect that, did you?
It's true. Romance can be just as exciting after you get your second
wind. How to do that? I asked my husband, Lee, which memories of my
love offerings through the years have really stuck. At the same time,
as a love exercise, I replayed those moments when his tributes to me
caused the moon and stars to glow brighter. How many of us know that it
is this gender-uniqueness that gives romance sizzle and endless
delights?
The phenomenon is universal...and timeless. Despite cultural
distinctions, boiled down to man/woman affairs, romance is a delicious
gift. One that needs, from time to time, to be cultivated and nurtured.
How to Get A Second Wind at Romance:
Masculine Ways to Say I Love You:
- BE THE PROTECTOR:
Nothing says to a woman "you are loved" like her man's protective
stance. He is her rescuer by taking charge when things get rough. Like
car trouble and a busted water pipe. And, in my case, helping balance
the checkbook. Lee’s mind is more mathematical than mine is and he's my
walking calculator (while I'm his spell checker). At other times,
during tragedies and loss, his presence is like that of a golden
knight. Those strong arms and rumbling voice do magic to lift my
wounded spirit. All these add up to a dynamic role: hero.
- BE WILLING TO CHANGE:
My spouse grew up in an alcoholic home where chaos reigned. For years,
he fought his demons of mistrust and anger. Because his love for me was
so strong, he sought help in conquering those demons. Through
counseling and therapy, he emerged a man's man who knows who he is and
isn't threatened by anybody or anything. A man who can submit to such
scrutiny and humility is, in my book, a real hunk.
- VALIDATE HER:
Daily, my spouse let's me know that I'm important to him. That I am not
a threat to his sense of self and masculinity. That my love offerings
to him don't go unnoticed. He thanks me for every caring gesture. This
morning, as I went about tidying up the kitchen, he sat down at the
table and read from Proverbs 31, prefacing it with, "this is you," and
went on to extol the virtues of the virtuous woman. I grinned when
instead of the wife sitting at her spinning wheel, he had her sitting
at her 'computer.' Ahh. Modern day life. He tells me daily how
"beautiful" I am and how lucky he is that I chose him. Several times a
day, in fact. What woman can resist such affirmations?
- TOUCH OFTEN:
How many of us women know that his touch is like no other? We need that
masculine stroke, gentle yet territorial and protective. It's the one
that wakes up and finely tunes our sexuality. Makes us think "what a
man!" Ahhh. Need I say more?
Feminine Ways to Say I Love You:
- NURTURE:
Surprise! Sexual overtures did not lead Lee's parade of memorable
love-gestures references. Rather, he expressed appreciation for the
nurturing role I play in his life. In particular, he enjoys the nice,
clean home I provide for him. So all that mundane cleaning activity is
not in vain, huh? My taking care to prepare his favorite foods gives
him pleasure, as does his always having clean clothing to wear.
- ENCOURAGE:
I was surprised when Lee told me I played a big role in the formation
of his ethics. That my encouragement and validation, through the years,
helped shape his ideals. I try to daily thank him for who he is and
what he is in my life. Too, I express my joy that he chose me. I am
humbled by the fact that this has such an impact on his life. I, too,
have tried to change with time and circumstances. To be adjustable is a
blessing, not only to my spouse, but to myself as well.
- BE HIS PARTNER:
Another surprise: my taking an active role as his teammate is high on
Lee's accolades totem. That I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him in
life, facing and fighting the same challenges is gratifying and
supportive to him. The financial arena is one in which teamwork and
common goals are essential, one we work at. Each partner is equal in
power. We don't have the same strengths but somehow, mystically, in the
final analysis and resolution, they meld and blend until we don't know
where one ends and the other begins.
- SEXUALITY AND GROOMING:
Aha. Here it comes. I was delighted to know that my grooming habits had
not gone unappreciated. My care to keep myself clean, fresh-smelling,
and attractive paid great dividends. Yep. It really, really did. It
goes hand in hand with being sexually appealing, from both mine and his
end of the romance. He, too, treasures my touch. Yes, he really, really
does. After all, this is the bottom line in a passionate relationship.
Isn't love fantastic? Romance can be renewed all throughout life. Yes,
indeed, it can. All that's needed sometimes is that second wind to
spark it back to life!
Emily Sue Harvey writes to make a difference. Her upbeat stories
have
appeared in dozens of anthologies including Chicken Soup for the
Soul,
Chocolate for Women, From Eulogy to Joy, A Father's Embrace, True
Story, Compassionate Friends Magazine, and Woman's World. Emily Sue
served as president of Southeastern Writers Association in 2008-2009.
Peter Miller's NY Literary and Film Agency represent Emily Sue. Her
first novel, Song of Renewal, published by Story Plant, will be
released in the spring of 2009. For more information visit
www.renewalstories.com.
Permission granted for use on
DrLaura.com.
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