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Subject: |
The Key to Successful Relationships: Put Yourself First |
| Date: |
2009-04-13
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The Key to Successful
Relationships:
Put Yourself First
By Winn Claybaugh
Author of Be Nice (Or Else!)
www.beniceorelse.com
Before you can have successful relationships with others, you must
master your relationship with yourself. Here's a radical challenge:
Make it a goal to fall back in love with yourself. When I say that to a
roomful of people in my seminars, I usually hear lots of nervous
giggles. Even the thought of “falling in love with me” seems extreme,
and many people reject the idea. But before you can offer others the
gifts of happiness, joy, purpose, and fulfillment, you have to own them
yourself.
I once had the honor of knowing a wonderful woman named Noel DeCaprio.
A successful spa owner, Noel was heralded as a mentor and leader within
her industry. She’d been featured and interviewed in magazines and on
television for her wisdom, and many people looked to her for coaching,
business ideas, and her “you can do it” approach.
Noel experienced a 14-year battle with breast cancer, which eventually
took her life in December 1998. Six months before her passing, I
interviewed Noel for an audiotape to raise money for breast cancer
research. In that interview, she said that after her double mastectomy
and months of chemotherapy, she looked in the mirror and hated herself.
Noel was wise enough to know she had to find a way to fall back in love
with herself, and she did it by making bathing a ritual. Every day,
she’d spend hours in the ritual of bathing. She focused on the bath
salts, candles, oils, creams, and aromas. She spent time visiting
little boutiques that sold such items, having them gift wrapped even
though she was buying them for herself. She put so much time into
something she’d never had time for before—something that seemed so
selfish and narcissistic—that eventually she realized she was back in
love with herself. And when that happened, Noel told her family,
friends, and staff, “Tell everyone I have cancer! I’m out of the
closet, and I want everyone to know so I can help as many people as I
can.”
How Noel went on to raise money and awareness for cancer was
unbelievable. But let me ask you: Could she have accomplished so much,
and benefited so many people, had she not fallen back in love with
herself?
Once you solidify your relationship with yourself, you’re ready to move
on to your relationships with others. People often think relationships
mean that “one and only” person in their life, but every person you
contact is a relationship that requires your commitment. If you drive
in traffic, you have a relationship with everyone on the freeway. If
you drive down the freeway screaming, “Get out of my way!” it’s going
to be very difficult for you to walk into work and say, “Hi, happy to
serve you.” If you verbally abuse waiters, waitresses, or bank tellers,
it’s going to be very difficult for you to have a successful, intimate
relationship with a spouse or partner.
Remember that every relationship offers you the opportunity to grow and
learn. If you assume that everyone is doing their best—just as you
are—and choose to give people a break, you’ll find yourself developing
the warm, wonderful, nice relationships you desire.
Winn Claybaugh is the author of Be Nice (Or Else!) and “one of the
best motivational speakers in the country,” according to CNN’s Larry
King. A business owner for over 25 years with over 8,000 people in his
organization, Winn is the co-owner of hair care giant Paul Mitchell’s
school division. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build their
brands and create successful working cultures. His clients include
Southwest Airlines, the Irvine Company, Vidal Sassoon, Entertainment
Tonight, Mattel, For Rent
magazine, Structure/Limited/Express, and others. Winn is a frequent
guest on national radio and a regular contributor to online
publications. Visit www.BeNiceOrElse.com to sign up for his free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) newsletter.. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com
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