| |
Subject: |
Help Wanted: Mother |
| Date: |
2009-05-11
|
|
Real Life Support for Moms
Help Wanted: Mother
Classified ads for all you do
By Melissa Stanton
www.lifesupportformoms.com
Here’s a sampling
of the job postings that would be needed to cover all you do for the
children—and significant other adult—in your household.
NANNY: Patient, loving woman
who requires limited sleep and adult interaction needed to care for
child(ren) up to 24/7/365. Other duties include all those listed
following this ad, as well as many not described herewith.
HOUSEKEEPER: Responsibilities
include cleaning and tidying a family home several times daily. Must be
available nights, weekends and overtime, and be willing to clean and
tidy the same areas over and over and over again.
CHAUFFEUR: Driver needed to
transport child(ren) to all activities beyond the domicile, including
but not limited to school, sports, medical appointments, therapies,
entertainment venues. Applicant must be skilled in defensive driving
tactics and able to operate a vehicle safely regardless of the behavior
of her passengers. Having extra-long arms is useful in this position,
but not essential.
CHEF: Passable cooking and meal
preparation skills needed for short-order establishment serving three
full meals and filling dozens of beverage and snack orders per day, for
both sit-down and To Go diners. The chef is also responsible for
procuring and restocking meal supplies, serving the meals, all
dishwashing as well as the full cleaning of both the kitchen and
multiple dining areas.
DOCTOR/NURSE: Health and first
aid provider needed for pediatric and adult patients in a home-based
environment. Responsibilities include making diagnosis, providing
medical transportation, emergency care, administering treatments,
medications and overall patient assistance, particularly as relates to
bodily functions.
DENTAL HYGIENIST: Assistance
needed in daily pediatric dental cleaning, teething-related pain
management and occasional teeth-pulling.
TEACHER/COACH: Instructor
wanted for child(ren) age newborn to adult for lessons related to
academics, athletics and overall life skills. Position involves both
one-on-one instruction and classes of mixed-age pupils.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Compassionate,
wise and tolerant person needed to listen to the problems and concerns
of young and aged household members.
WARDROBE MANAGER: Fashion- and
bargain-savvy individual needed to acquire, alter, organize and
maintain clothing and footwear for all members of a household, for all
seasons.
DRESSER: Individual wanted to
ensure that appropriate clothing is worn by all household members.
Wrestling skills are useful, but can be developed.
LAUNDRESS: Help needed to clean
and maintain various wardrobe collections.
CONSIERGE: Resourceful,
problem-solving, people-person needed to fulfill the various desires of
household members, including but not limited to arranging entertainment
activities, making dining and traveling reservations, procuring gifts
and meeting other needs as expressed.
EXECUTIVE SECRETARY: Organized
person sought to handle all correspondence and interaction between the
household and the outside world. Position involves extensive filing and
record-keeping.
MONEY MANAGER/ACCOUNTANT:
Financially competent person needed to record account receivables,
supervise cash flow, track and pay invoices, and manage savings and
investments.
TECHNOLOGY SPECIALIST:
Computer- and electronics-savvy person needed to address home theatre,
computer and Internet related problems encountered by household members.
BUILDING SUPERINTENDENT/GENERAL
CONTRACTOR: Manager sought to keep domicile in working order by
arranging for trade technicians (plumbers, electricians, etc.) to both
fix and maintain household systems and appliances.
HANDYMAN: Skilled person needed
to perform small household repairs on an as-needed basis.
INSURANCE SPECIALIST: Expert,
dogged representative needed to manage insurance policies, file and
track insurance claims, and challenge insurance denials when they occur.
ADVOCATE: Protector and
supporter required to represent and/or speak for household members
either unable or unwilling to do so for themselves.
ENTERTAINER: Positive, upbeat
person sought to keep household members happy. Applicant must possess
diverse talents and be able to work with a variety of audiences and in
a variety of situations.
"ESCORT": Attractive,
enthusiastic, service-oriented woman needed, immediately, for intimate
adult encounters. Creativity and experience required. (Though not too
much experience.)
When you're a mother, you're a multi-talented person. Maybe you should
update your résumé.
Melissa Stanton is the author
of The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide:
Field-tested strategies for staying smart, sane, and connected while
caring for your kids. Visit her blog via www.lifesupportformoms.com.
Copyright © 2009 Melissa Stanton.
Content provided by Net Connect Publicity. Permission
granted for use
on DrLaura.com.
Back
|
|
