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Subject: |
Stop Playing the Blame Game |
| Date: |
2009-05-18
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Stop Playing the Blame
Game
by Jill Cooper
http://www.LivingOnADime.com/
It
is as old as time and is one of the first "sins" Adam and Eve
committed: The blame game. Do you remember in the Garden of
Eden when God had first asked Adam what he had done and if he had eaten
of the tree of life? He didn't say, "Yes I did. I'm sorry and will not
do it again." No he basically said, "It's your fault because you gave
me this woman and it's her fault because she made me do it." Oh Adam,
my hero! NOT!
I wouldn't consider him a real man's
man... or a real woman's man either. He doesn't accept any
responsibility for the situation at all, and then to make matters
worse, he places all the blame on the woman that God gave him. The same
woman he was that he was supposed to love and protect.
Now wives, before you get too puffed
up what did Eve do? She begged, pleaded, whined, nagged and
pouted until she convinced Adam to do something that he as the head of
the house didn't feel comfortable with. When God asked her what she had
done she then proceeded to blame the serpent. She didn't say, "I was
wrong. I should have listen to what my husband had to say and let him
lead me," but blamed the whole mess on a silly snake.
I'm laughing as I write this because
the perfect example of what I am talking about right now is probably
happening in each reader's mind. Any wife who is reading
this can hardly wait for her husband to read this so he can get his act
together and any husband who is reading this is thinking, "I can hardly
wait for my wife to read this." Why? Because after all these years, the
blame game is still going on and they can't wait for the other person
to get his or her act together because it is all the other person's
fault.
Let me start with the husbands because
they are supposed to be the leaders in the family and guide their
family in the right way by their actions and attitude. (Don't worry:
I'll get to the wives next.) A man is not only supposed to protect his
wife physically but also emotionally, spiritually and with regard to
her good name. When he criticizes and blames her even for little things
that happen in his life, he is not protecting her good name. Even if it
means that he looks bad in a situation standing up for his wife he
should still be willing to do it.
Husbands, one of the worst things a
"man" can do is to criticize and to blame his wife for things that
upset him and aren't going right in his life. I put the
word man in quotes because there is nothing manly about a husband who
does this. Let me show you what I am talking about.
My newlywed son had run over to meet
our new neighbor one day. When he got back he was in shock.
He said the man had spent the whole time saying awful things about his
wife; she didn't keep the house clean, she was the reason they were in
financial trouble (he was saying all this with his new truck sitting in
the driveway), she didn't deal with the kids the way she should and his
whole life was miserable because of her. He said, "My wife is 'high
maintenance'". That was the first time I had ever heard that phrase and
to this day I still cringe when I hear it.
That man may have thought by putting
his wife in bad light it would make him look better and we
would think more highly of him, but it didn't. It only made him seem
like a weak fool.
Husbands you are your wife's
protector. That not only means her physical protection but her
emotional, too. It is your job to protect her from all
negative things that could harm her, including yourself. When you play
the blame game, you are not only not protecting her but you are often
her attacker, making things even worse. If you saw someone verbally or
physically attacking your wife on the street, how would you react? You
would probably be all over them. But you are doing the same thing daily
by blaming her for every little thing that goes wrong.
You are responsible for your wife's
good name, too, and every time you criticize or blame her, you are
tarnishing it. I'm not just talking about the big
things, but also a general attitude of negativity.
For example, you are late meeting some
friends because you wife didn't put the car keys away. In
order to make yourself look good (you probably don't realize that is
why you are doing it) you tell them you are late because your wife
didn't put the car keys up. Instead, you should have said, "Sorry we
are late but I didn't round up the car keys ahead of time and had to
take time to find them." Do you see the difference?
All the same things I just said about
the husbands also apply to wives. You should always strive
to protect your husband's name. In Proverbs 31 it says that a wise
woman's husband is well respected in the town and part of that is
because his wife has not gone around bad mouthing him. It also says
that she does good to him and not evil. Are all of your words and
actions done for your husband's good and to make him look good or do
you blame him?
How many things that are wrong in your
life do you blame on your husband? Is the reason your house
isn't clean because your husband doesn't help or is it really because
you spent most of the day running around shopping, on the internet, on
the phone or even at too many school or church activities? Are all of
your money problems his fault? Remember, when one of you is having
problems, the other needs to lovingly help.
Instead of spending all of your time
and energy pointing out each others faults and placing blame, put
your heads together and find a solution to the problem. Talk, plan and
work together. That's why it's called team work. If two horses are
pulling a wagon, how far do you think they will get if each horse is
fighting the other and trying to go its own way?
Another type of blame that is rampant
is blaming others. Not only do we blame each other,
but we blame everyone and everything for our miserable lot in life. We
blame the government for everything from the pot holes made by the last
ice storm to our not being able to pay our mortgages. We blame our out
of control anger and negative emotions on our parents. We blame the
fact we can't get jobs on the "fact" that we are too old, too young,
the wrong skin color, the wrong sex, don't have enough education or
have too much education -- We overlook the fact that other people with
those same attributes somehow seem to manage to get jobs just fine.
It is so much easier to make excuses
and blame everyone for our circumstances. We come up with
every excuse under the sun to explain why we can't fix something. Why
do we think we are a special generation? People have always had
difficult circumstances. The successful ones just took responsibility
and dealt with them, whether it was fair or unfair, whether it was
their fault or someone else's. Placing blame is just a lazy,
irresponsible way to live your life.
Here's one last thing to
consider: We often blame others when we are caught doing
something wrong. Let me give you some examples. Say you can't pay your
mortgage. Do you blame the bank because they lent you more money than
you could afford. Isn't the real reason for the problem that you
shouldn't have borrowed more than you could afford, but you wanted that
nice house. You did something wrong and you are caught in a mess so you
blame the bank.
What about losing your job and blaming
your company for your financial mess? But you say, "I
couldn't help getting fired so I did nothing wrong." Think it through.
While you had a job, did you just spend and charge, not giving one
thought to what would happen if you lost your job? Who really is
wrong-- your company for firing you, or you for not spending and taking
care of your money wisely when you had it and a job?
Does it really matter who is to blame?
What difference does it really make? Will it solve anything
by blaming anyone? Aren't you just wasting time and energy by doing so?
Think how much more you could accomplish in your life if, instead of
using your mind like a broken record, going over and over why someone
or something else is to blame, you used your mind to start thinking of
the solution to the problem.
Jill Cooper is a frugal living
expert and the co-editor of http://www.LivingOnADime.com/. As a divorced mother of two, Jill
Cooper started her own home business without any capital and paid off
$35,000 debt in 5 years on $1,000 a month income. Permission
granted for use
on DrLaura.com.
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