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Subject: |
Teaching Your Children Values Through Volunteerism |
| Date: |
2009-07-20
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Teaching Your Children
Values Through Volunteerism
Erik A. Fisher, Ph.D., aka Dr. E…
www.ErikFisher.com
In today's society, so many of us feel that children are growing up
with unhealthy values and unproductive attitudes. Children and teens
are sometimes viewed as self-centered, seldom thinking about others in
their family or community. While there are many factors that contribute
to their behaviors and beliefs, there may be ways to guide and affect
their belief systems and develop a closer relationship in the process.
Often children develop a self-centered view toward the world either
through observation and/or lack of exposure to helping to others. As
parents and caretakers of children, have we ever really looked at
ourselves of being a source of unproductive, self-centered modeling. In
the formative years of our children's lives, we are the most important
model to them, and whether we realize it or not they see and hear
almost everything we do.
Work, Work, Work
As we feel we have to scramble to make ends meet we may feel that time
to do anything else is compromised that much more.
Between the responsibilities at work and home, many parents feel that
time for themselves is almost non-existent. We may not want to look so
closely at ourselves, but have we asked ourselves how our children see
us spending our time when we are at home? They may see us at home
resting, watching television, cleaning, cooking, helping them with
homework, shopping, playing sports…We may believe that we sacrifice and
volunteer much of our time for our children by driving them to games,
friends houses, movies; working our fingers to the bone to make sure
that they have food, clothes, and a roof over their head… But we still
need to recognize that all of these efforts also serve our own purpose
at some level, and frankly our children often expect this of us. Our
children do not realize that we are volunteering our time to them many
times.
When was the last time that we volunteered our time to people in need?
Even more, when was the last time we, as a family, volunteered our time
to people in need? For many of us the answer to the first question may
be "a long time", and the answer to the second question may be "never".
On the other hand, sometimes we feel that we ARE the people in need,
and in some ways we may be; however, if all that we expect is to be
given to when we are in need, what are our children learning. They say
that if you give a man a fish he will eat for a day, but if you teach
him how to fish, he will eat for a lifetime. Giving back to others is
teaching the man to fish. It creates a cycle of giving and receiving,
and frankly, what got us into the mess we are in now was more taking
than giving and excessive entitlement that seemed to be taught from the
top down.
United We Stand
The family unit has the ability to be a very strong cohesive team, but
the members of the family have to learn to work as a team first.
Volunteering, as a family, can teach many positive lessons. When we
contribute our time and effort, it helps us to feel better about
ourselves, teaches a stronger work ethic, contributes to learning about
the world around us, results in us meeting different people and forming
different relationships, and provides confidence-building experiences
in a variety of different job tasks.
If, as a parent, you feel that you work hard enough at what you do,
then you have to be very careful of the message you are sending your
child. If you spent only three hours on a Saturday morning once a month
with your kids cleaning up a shelter or planting flowers, or commit
part of your day around Thanksgiving or Christmas to feed people at a
shelter or church, it still sends a positive message that your children
will value the rest of their lives.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to find different barriers, obstacles, or
excuses that prevent us from feeling the richness of giving our time
freely to others. It doesn't matter how much or how little money your
family makes, the time of day that you can volunteer, where you live,
if you can walk or talk… there are always ways to find time to
volunteer. If you find yourself finding reasons to not volunteer your
time, then pay attention to the messages your children might be
receiving.
Parents are often looking for ways to spend quality time with their
children. Giving our time freely to others, as a family can be one of
the richest forms of quality time. Even more, volunteering is free. If
you are looking for ways to volunteer your time, contact some of these
sources: Animal Shelters, Churches, Homeless and Battered Women's
Shelters, After School programs, Meals on Wheels, Nursing Homes,
Hospitals… In terms of thinking of what to do to volunteer, talk to
your children and ask them what they would like to do. They may have
great ideas on unique ways to volunteer time. When you listen to your
children and include them on decisions, they feel more valued. Always
remember that our children are a gift to us and the time we spend with
them is priceless.
About the author: Erik Fisher, PhD, aka Dr. E…, is a licensed
psychologist and author of two books whose work has been featured
on CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at www.ErikFisher.com. Permission granted for use on
DrLaura.com.
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