Confrontations are absolutely necessary. When problems arise, you have to resolve them. You can't let things fester and then blow up at someone – that's not fair.
However, most people go about confrontations all wrong. They either scream and yell a lot, or they are so terrified of not being liked that they don't stand up for themselves. A healthy confrontation is voicing a disagreement or problem with the intent of resolving it and making you and the other person better for it.
Here are three things to consider before confronting someone:
1. Don't do it when you're in a nutcase mood.
2. Make sure your anger has to do with them. A lot of times we blow up at people because of our own baggage rather than something they have actually done.
3. Think about what you want them to do. You need to tell the person what you want to have happen, NOT what you don't want to have happen. For example, telling your spouse, "When you come home, I don't want you to walk through the door and ignore me," is backwards. Instead say, "When you come home, I yearn for you to greet me." Confrontations are essentially positive manipulations. If someone at work always leaves their dirty cup in the sink, you can either rip them apart by saying they're a slob and you’re tired of it, or you can get a communal dish rack and tell them, "I realize there really wasn't a good way for everyone to do their dishes, so I got this rack. Now when people wash their cups, there's a nice rack for everyone to put their cups on." The person is more likely going to put their cup on that brand new rack.
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