On yesterday's show there was some joking about you having your own ten commandments for listeners. Here's my draft:
Dr. Laura's Ten More Commandments
1. I am the show host thou called. Thou shalt maintain good caller etiquette, turning down listening devices before getting on the air, asking questions instead of rambling aimlessly, not asking for legal, medical, or religious advice. Thou shall not do calls backwards nor up the ante. Thou shalt not tell me what other advice has been given to thou, nor claim to have already done what I advise. Thou shalt answer the questions I ask and not evade with "I don't know". Thou shalt complete sentences, then listen to me and not talk over me. Thou shalt not dismiss my advice by saying "I feel", "even if", "I just", nor appeal to fear.
2. Thou shalt heed the original Ten Commandments. Go forth and find my Ten Commandments book.
3. Thou shalt choose wisely, not someone too young nor too old, not someone still married or with minor children, not someone who abuses people or substances, or has personality disorders or severely deficient character, nor any other red flags. Thou shalt get pre-marital counseling from a licensed marriage and family therapist for six months.
4. Thou shalt treat kindly, loving your wife with attentive devotion and being her boyfriend or being your husband's girlfriend, not treating your husband like he is a girlfriend. Thou shalt not turn down a perfectly good orgasm from your husband. Thou shalt also treat others kindly, not turning asunder husband and wife.
5. Thou shalt not abort your babies, nor raise them out of wedlock, nor let others raise them except by closed adoption. Thou shalt not take from your children nor be a burden on them. Thou shalt let them spread their wings at age 18. Thou shalt not divorce while having minor children unless thou art in danger or the children art in danger.
6. Thou shalt not allow a lady to pay for a date, open her own door, pull out her own chair, or stand when you are seated, nor shalt thou turn women into unpaid whores. Thou shalt not date a marriage-seeking lady unless thou art prepared and willing to support a wife and children.
7. Thou shalt exercise and eat right, and not shun sound medical care, so it may go well with thou. If thou art fat, thou shalt not fault others for saying so, but shalt instead eat less and move more.
8. Thou shalt stand between evil and the innocent, including defending thyself.
9. Thou shalt avoid toxic people regardless of relation, not clinging to delusions of being able to change anyone else.
10. Thou shalt let good and willing grandparents babysit the children, yea verily often, and not murmur when a grandmother shares old movies and treats with the younglings past their bedtimes.