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Dr. Laura Blog
Fathers DO Matter
05/13/2010
IconThis is from one of my listeners (whose name is not given in order to protect her privacy): I've been hearing a lot lately about egg donations, surrogacy, and intentional single mothers, and I don't know if you were aware that it had gone this far!  Don't get me wrong, egg donation put me through school with no debt.  Over the past 4 years, I have donated my eggs to 4 different families, going through a total of 7 different surgeries in order to do so.  I know that at least 3 of these donations resulted in the birth of a child that was a miracle and a dream come true for the parents of these children, and I am grateful to have taken part in this dream. Recently, my agency contacted me again.  They had another donation for me.  I was thrilled because my husband and I are planning on starting our own family, and we were going to start trying in the next few months.  The donation would end in $10,000 in our pockets, which I thought would be a nice little nest egg or college account for the child we are planning.  Well, the agency sent over the contracts for me to sign, and luckily, I read them thoroughly.  The recipient was not the expected married couple with unfortunate infertility problems, but a single woman who, after having conquered the corporate world, realized it was too late to get married and make a baby on her own!  My heart sunk.  How could I intentionally give life to a child knowing it would not have a father? Then the thought crept in:  this woman is going to do it anyway, so I might as well be the one to profit from it, right?  As I was talking to my husband about my concerns, I realized, 'How can I donate part of myself to this woman and still expect my husband to believe that I think he is an asset to raising our children? How can I force another baby to grow up in daycare with no masculine influence, and still show my husband that he is a hero for wanting me to stay home with our kids while he supports us?'  I couldn't. I let the agency know:  I will not be available to do this donation, as I believe a child deserves both a mother and a father.  And I hope that my "passing" on the opportunity will make the potential "mother" reconsider her options and buy a puppy.  I may have lost ten thousand dollars, but as my husband said, I still have my morals, and that's worth more to our children than a college account.
Tags: Family, Family/Relationships - Children, Family/Relationships - Family, Men's Point of View, Parenting, Relationships, Relatives
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