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Email of the Day
Finally We're Both On the Same Page
09/07/2011
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I have been married for nearly four years - for the second time.

In reading your books I have learned I was not a very good wife to my first husband and I was hell bent on wanting him to be all about me. I married the second time to a man who was strong, courageous, and take charge. Little did I know I would have to resign as the alpha of the household. For the first year we battled it out back and forth. Who had the more important career, who made the most money, and who got to make all of the decisions? Then something devastating, but what I now view as a blessing, happened. I lost my very well paying job while I was 5 months pregnant.

I have never really had to live for other people then myself. It will sound ridiculous to some, but to find yourself in different shoes and suddenly without a nice title, nice office, and fat paycheck is a very scary and humbling thing. During this time of being pregnant and unemployed I was a tyrant. I did not enjoy my pregnancy or my "vacation". I spent all of my time in worry, with massive anger and anxiety.

When our daughter was born and I was now in my 30's, something hit me like a ton of bricks. I was meant to be a mother and a wife. I got your books and although I had to contribute financially by working when she was only a few months old, I traded careers for something that was less stressful and allowed more time at home. After about a year of working and trying to keep it all together I made the decision to quit work in Jan 2010 and take my experience and skill set to work from home for myself and my family. I became a much better wife, my 10 year old son's grade improved drastically and for the first time EVER I actually enjoyed giving these gifts to my family and did not see them as a "chore".

Although, I was doing my part, my spouse was not with me. He was still stuck in the old us and had carried so much emotional baggage in our marriage from his previous marriage. After a year and several long months of giving it all I had, I was exhausted. I decided I needed a backup plan. I went back to work fulltime but was blessed with an opportunity to work from home and the flexibility of being there for my kids. I made plans to divorce and was encouraged and supported in this decision by many friends and family members. When my spouse received the letter from my attorney, an interesting thing happened. My husband who had been cold and hateful to me for the past two years while I lovingly and dutifully served him and our family came back to get me. He is now a different person and I am right in sync with him taking your advice and honoring him and our children in every way possible. We are rebuilding our marriage and are committed to keeping our family together.

A.

Tags: career, divorce, Job, Marriage, SAHM stay at home mom, Social Issues, Stay-at-Home Mom
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