My husband and I have been together for over 30 years. I was a stay-at-home mom to three children, and my husband traveled too much during their formative years, so he wasn't a physical presence that much in our home.
Our son became a drug addict. On the first try at rehab, we were new at it and did all the wrong things. My husband was an enabler thinking that was actually helping our son. I educated myself better, so by the second try, we sent him to rehab for 90 days and told him he would never come back to live in our home again. We gave him the pink slip on his life and told him not to see us until he was clean and sober for a year.
He is 30 years old now. He figured out his life on his own terms, now works with addicts, and is engaged to a wonderful woman who understands him. We have our entire family back, and we're stronger than ever. There were many rocky days when he'd call and complain and I channeled my inner Dr. Laura and said "Sorry to hear that. Hope you can work that out."
Parents need to hear your tough love direction. It truly works.