When there's a problem in your marriage, you can't turn a blind eye or sweep it under the rug. Ignoring issues only makes them build and doesn’t change anything. Communication is key.
So how do you approach your spouse with a problem? Here’s what you do:
1. Consider your timing. Don't bring up something important when your spouse is exhausted or has just walked in the door after a hard day.
2. Have a discussion, not a confrontation. Don’t start by blaming, nagging or threatening.
3. Begin with "Sweetie" or "Honey". Prefacing anything you say with the words "Sweetie" or "Honey" makes it very difficult for you to follow it up with something ratty. (As you know, "F-you" and "Sweetie" aren’t usually used together in the same sentence).
4. After "Sweetie/Honey," say "I’ve been noticing that," and then state the problem. By "noticing" something, you’re describing behavior instead of condemning.
5. After stating the problem, end with, "I was just wondering if we could talk about it or work on it together to make it better." In doing so, you’re suggesting that "WE" can talk about it, not "ME" yell at "YOU". Finally, by using the words "make it better," you’re emphasizing the idea of "WE" making it better as opposed to "I" making "YOU" bend.