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Letters From Listeners
I Owe You a Huge Apology
I Owe You a Huge Apology
11/15/2011

I listened to you faithfully for all the years I was a stay-at home mom raising my daughter. However, I always felt that you were unsympathetic and insensitive to the struggles of adults who were victims of child abuse. I guess I was so sensitive because of my own history of being a child victim, I was not ready to take in your message of empowerment and healing through strength.

My Story: My step-grandfather was a classic pedophile. His choice of victim: girls under the age of 12. Because I was a family member I was an easy target. I suffered for years as a victim of child rape. Dr. Laura, lots of people knew. My injuries were so severe I often would require emergency room treatment after an over-night visit with Grandma and Grandpa. The ER docs knew about me, my parents knew about me (coming home in the middle of the night hemorrhaging vaginally and needing medical care clued them in), aunts knew, uncles knew, I even told my mother's best friend because I really liked her and thought she would save me. She didn't. No one did. I only learned of other victims when the monster died and I was at Shiva. Women who had lived in the neighborhood as children came just because they wanted to be sure he was dead. We started to talk and our stories were eerily similar.

I did some things right raising my daughter. I lived 800 miles away from my bio family and never visited my grandparents when I saw my parents. My daughter never was in my grandparents' presence. I was a pretty good mom, thanks to you and some amazing psychotherapy. I couldn't save my marriage though. I was too damaged for the intimacy a man needs. It was too much to over come.

In the present, I am no longer a victim. I am thriving and so is my daughter. She graduates in the spring with a double degree in mathematics and physics and is entering a PhD program in the fall for physics. I'm back in the workforce finally using my M.S degrees in biochemistry and toxicology. I do cancer research. I love it. My daughter is a young woman I am truly proud to have stayed home and raised to adulthood. She has a fine moral compass and is a decent human being: More important than her physics gifts in my opinion.

Notice I use the term child victim and not the politically correct term "survivor". As a child I was a victim. As an adult I am doing so much more than just "surviving". The term "survivor" is really an insult. I am thriving. I now understand your teachings all those years about being a permanent victim. It was said out of love and compassion. Not out of ridicule and insensitivity.

Again I'm sorry.

R.

Tags: Abuse, Child Abuse, Family/Relationships - Family, Relationships, Relatives, Response to a Call, Social Issues
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