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Learning the Hard Way
Learning the Hard Way
11/02/2012

A year ago, I called you to talk about a decision I had to make. You advised that I should not work in my father's company, and I stay away from my parents' marital issues (they were continually bringing us children into it).  I did not take your advice and here is a synopsis of how the year went:

I had some fantastic career opportunities in the company, but overall, it was a waste of psychological energy and a waste of my children's days. My children had a tutor and a nanny (who worked alongside me when I worked from home, or took care of them when I traveled), but I was sad not to be their full-time mom. The kids found other moms in the neighborhood who were stay-at-home moms, and who had time to do crafts and cookies in the afternoon. This particularly broke my heart.

My husband started helping around the house, and he now has more respect for my capabilities, but I certainly was less focused on him. He became my teammate, and I no longer placed him first. While it worked "fine" for a year, it is not healthy for a marriage in the long term to have both partners running after full-time careers. It's fine if you don't think much of marriage, but if marriage is to be anything more than a roommate situation, one partner must be primarily focused on the home and the marriage.

And as for my parents: they're still in the same mess they were in a year ago. All advice and hours of listening have gone nowhere.

Yesterday I quit my job, much to the frustration of my father and my employees. I am thrilled about making a success of our marriage and our home. Financially we are taking a serious hit, but that too will be an adventure...

You were right; sorry it took me so long to realize it. I pride myself on paying attention to lessons learned by others instead of learning the hard way, but I didn't do that here.

Marian

Tags: Adult Child-Parent, Career, Family/Relationships - Adult Child/Parent, Follow up on a Call, Job, Life lessons, Marriage, Parenting, Read On-Air, Regarding Dr. Laura, Relationships, Response to a Call, SAHM stay-at-home mom
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