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Love at First Sight
Love at First Sight
10/08/2012

How many movies have you seen where a man sees a woman across a room filled with people dancing and he thinks, "That's it, I'm in love." 

I believe that men are a lot more likely to say, "I fell in love at first sight," and women to say, "Gee, he's really hot."  Guys are visual - "I fell in love at first sight."  They fall in love with what they see and what they feel right after seeing it.  If a man sees a woman who he finds attractive and he feels she is sexually interested in him, he'll think he's fallen in love right then and there. 

However, no matter what he thinks, at this point he is not in love.  "Over 90 percent of a man's decision at this stage is purely based on visual cues. Some men get super glued on boobs, others on booties and others on legs, etc. Physical features and bouncy behavior that suggests youth, health and vitality... It's just pure sexual chemistry. At this stage, you are still dispensable and interchangeable. You're still just another woman in the pack, and he is still very much attracted to several other women at the same time."

A lot of people call into my show saying, "Oh my gosh, I've been seeing him/her for three weeks and we're totally in love," but my answer is always the same: "No you're not."  There could be a romantic or sexual attraction, but that's all.  This is just the fantasy stage - you think he or she is what you fantasize you want.  It's the stage where you're wearing rose-colored glasses and ignoring things.  I can't tell you how many times I've told callers, "You ignored these things, didn't you?," and after denying it several times, they eventually say, "Well, yes, but I didn't know they were going to be this bad.  I saw what I wanted to see." 

If you've got a guy who wants to do the settling down process by shacking up, humping out of wedlock, and making babies without any commitment, then I've got a news flash for you: he's not in love with you.  No man in love with a woman does that.  When a man is in love, he stakes his claim.  All throughout the animal kingdom, males make it clear who is their woman.  Men enforce it by giving their woman a ring, a ceremony, and a commitment of fidelity.

So, for all you silly girls out there thinking that a guy who wants to hook up or shack up is in love with you, you are so unbelievably wrong.

Tags: Dating, Marriage, Men's Point of View, Relationships, Sex, Women's Point of View
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