A traumatic experience that rerouted my life happened while I was in my late 20s. On our way to celebrate our engagement, my fiancé and I were hit head on by a reckless driver, and over the next 2 hours, as I watched the first responders try to cut him from the vehicle and save his life, I witnessed the death of the person I'd intended to spend the rest of my life loving and adoring.
I'm a strong-willed, independent woman. And so it took me 18 months to figure out that I needed some help. I could barely leave my apartment or be around other people. I wasn't able to sleep because of the recurring nightmares. My moment of clarity occurred while I was standing on the corner, waiting to cross the street and got cat-called by someone in a passing car. Perhaps I should have been flattered, but I was ready to drag that person from the car and beat them senseless, it made me so angry. Yes, all 115 pounds of me. I realized at that moment I wasn't sure I trusted myself and that wasn't OK. I immediately called the University counseling service when I reached my office that day.
A wonderful MD/PhD who specialized in PTSD with war veterans turned out to be the help I needed. He worked with me for 2 years and helped me get things under control. It has taken many more years to regain most of what I'd call a "normal" life. It took a very long time to get OK with getting attached to someone again, but I eventually married a wonderful man whom I adore and we have enjoyed many adventures together.
I'd be lying if I said there are no challenging remnants of my experience. It's hard to be a passenger in a car. I still have anxiety at times about leaving my house even for the day, but it doesn't keep me from leaving anymore! That's huge. I don't have children - partly because I was in my late 30s when my husband and I married, but also because the idea of losing a child scared me witless. But I'm a great aunt to my niece and nephew.
On the flip side, there is not a day that passes I don't consciously enjoy the sunshine, the rain, the flowers or a good book. I am also keenly aware each day that every experience I have with each person is a gift.
Yes, the way I see the world and my priorities are certainly different - more time for just "being" instead of go-go-go all the time. I may have another 45 years on this blue planet, or I may have 45 days. Either way, I plan to enjoy them.
Sue
