My mother died when I was 7 and my dad married again when I was 9. My stepmother already had a younger child who she naturally preferred. I had six siblings, so my stepmother was overwhelmed. My dad was a drunk and his role was merely to bring home a paycheck. Therefore, I was raised in a pretty emotionally sterile (cold) environment. Think Cinderella with out the prince.
I didn't realize my stepmother was damaged goods until I became an adult and had children of my own and knew there were things about the way I was raised I would not and did not subject my own children to. As an adult she has continued to treat me as an unwanted relative and of course I tried for many years to be better/give more to be accepted by her. Nothing I did was ever enough. Finally after I started to listen to you and could see myself in some of your callers, I finally figured it out. Without going into a lot of detail, you helped me by allowing me to step back and take a look at the way I was treated in a more objective way. It wasn't me, it wasn't anything I did or didn't do. There was nothing I could do to change her behavior towards me. The only thing in my power was to dispassionately step back and make a decision to either accept the relationship with severe limitations or to cut it off. I decided to just take myself emotionally out of it and to just ignore all the intended slights, little games and barbs she sent my way. It took me a while to train myself, but I finally did and I am more at peace with myself than ever before. I am no longer upset by her drama and my family loves me enough that I no longer need to seek her approval or acceptance.
Thank you Dr. Laura.
S.
