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Relationships
Want to Feel More Connected in Your Relationship?  5 Simple Tips in Choosing Yourself First
Want to Feel More Connected in Your Relationship? 5 Simple Tips in Choosing Yourself First
08/14/2018

By Jennifer Embery
www.jenniferembery.com


Have you wondered why you don't seem to be a priority to others?  Do you feel like you give more than you get? Are you totally over being exhausted in relationships?

You can change all of that. It's simple. Maybe not easy, but simple.

Think about flying. When the oxygen masks come down, you're supposed to put that mask on yourself before helping anyone else. There's a reason for that. If you pass out from oxygen deprivation, you can't help anyone.  

Translate that into regular day-to-day life. If you're exhausted, you can't do everything that's expected of you; forget anything you just want to do.

There's no way to avoid feeling negative and sometimes resentful of others when we run ourselves ragged. That is a definite recipe for relationship disaster. No matter who the relationship is with - everyone suffers.

So - what to do? Put your own oxygen mask on first - every single day.  

  1. Believe you deserve to give your body and mind the rest needed to feel good: As women, we feel like we always need to be producing.  We don't.  Some of our best, creative, amazing results come from downtime.  Breaks allow us to slow down, see different perspectives, and come up with different ideas and solutions.  Think about what you would tell your best friend or favorite relative if they told you they didn't deserve a break.  Then believe you deserve the same or better because you do.

  2. Start small:  Big change is a shock to the system and our brains often reject it.  Try baby steps.  When you find yourself in moments of calm, take a breath and relax for 5 minutes.  If you're choosing between doing the dinner dishes and going to bed at a reasonable hour, hit the sack.  Dishes will be there tomorrow and you'll be more rested. 

  3. Develop an awareness in the moment of decision: We often say yes without even thinking.  It's faster, easier, familiar, who else will do it?  Whatever the reason, yes comes quick.  Start to pay attention in those moments.  Try saying no when you're only saying yes out of habit.  I found a bracelet that had one word on it:  Pause.  I wore it while developing this habit and now if something isn't an absolute yes, it's probably going to be a no.

  4. Decision-making trick:  Something I was taught and now share with every woman I work with is to decide if doing something feels heavy or light.  Heavy means whatever you're considering is probably coming from an obligatory spot and you don't really want to do it.  Light means it's something you do want to do and for good reasons.  It's not about difficult and easy.  Sometimes difficult things still feel light.  It's about the emotions that surround the task.  If something feels heavy - reconsider why or how you might do it.  Decide intentionally.  

  5. Fill your own cup first and always:  If you need something, you deserve to make it happen.  If you wait until you've satisfied everyone else's needs to focus on your own, you're going to be running on empty continually.  Go back to tip #1.  

How do these tips create better relationships?  

We teach people how to treat us. Often, people take for granted that what we're doing is what we want to do. If we're always taking care of others, they assume that's a choice we've made. If we take care of ourselves, people take note.  

At first, they may just tolerate it but eventually, they will encourage it because the benefits become very clear. When you see yourself as valuable enough to care for, so will others.

When we're happier, well-rested, more satisfied - everyone benefits. Relationships get stronger.  

So what are you waiting for? Start now. Go do one thing that makes you feel better.  



Jennifer Embery, after 20+ years as a leader in corporate America, made the transition to her life on purpose. She is a speaker, life coach, and writer who helps women over 40 determine what they want to do and how to do it. Click here to sign up for your complimentary strategy session.  For more info visit www.jenniferembery.com. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.
Tags: Attitude, Behavior, Mental Health, Relationships, Values
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