Why does it seem so difficult to get over someone, even if you know that he or she was bad for you? Here are four of the biggest reasons:
1. You refuse to let go. Even if the relationship was crappy, you were emotionally invested. You were dependent on it, needy of it, and filled by it in some way. It was a huge part of your identity and security. However, you can’t swim to the other side of the pool unless you let go of the side you’re on.
2. You would rather have the devil you know. Whatever is familiar, even if it’s horrible, is more comfortable than anticipating the unfamiliar. That’s why it feels easier and more secure to stay in a rotten situation.
3. You won’t take off the rose-colored glasses. You allow a few nice moments or characteristics to minimize all the bad.
4. You want closure. You think that if only he or she would explain what happened, then you could let go. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. You would find a way to argue with it, deny it, or manipulate it. Basically, you would do just about anything but use it to move on.
If you have been hanging on to an ex, I strongly recommend that you go into therapy because at some point, it’s no longer about the relationship - it’s about your neediness. We are all needy, but you have to address that neediness in a healthy way.