Dr. Laura Blog

Why do you end up in the same dead-end relationships over and over again? Here’s why...

• You ignore past behavior. When you don’t consider a person’s past behavior, you give up an opportunity to be clairvoyant about future behavior.

• You don’t ask questions. Do they have any bankruptcies, parole violations, or illegitimate kids? Are they abusing drugs or alcohol? What are their family interactions like? Many people don’t want to ask questions - they’d rather go headlong into the good feelings and the good sex. However, asking questions will determine whether or not this is actually a relationship.

• You pick somebody broken thinking you’ll fix or change them. If someone hasn’t matured beyond their parent-child dependencies, what you see is what you get and it’s not going to change. If you marry a smoker, expect a lifetime of living with a smoker. Lasting changes only occur because the other person wants to change for themselves, in which case, wait until it actually happens and sustains itself for three quarters of a year.

• You don’t share values. If you don’t share a compatible value system (i.e. spending money, raising kids, respecting one another, family, friends, and neighbors), there will be non-negotiable conflict.

• You are lonely. Being lonely is never a good reason to choose anybody.

• You just love the feeling of falling in love. You think that because you feel all kinds of horny, mushy, and excited that the relationship is meaningful. However, it’s not even the appetizer for the dinner. All it is, is the promise of the appetizer for the dinner.