There are many reasons why some men will put their mom, dad, and the rest of their family above their spouse. But once you’re married, it's a little late to deal with this issue. Sam Parker makes great points about this in his article, “My Husband Lets His Family Disrespect Me And Always Chooses Them Over Us.”
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1. If an adult son has a strong attachment to his mother and lacks autonomy, we call that a ‘momma's boy.’
Women should wait at least two years to make sure they’re not committing to a momma's boy.
If you're dating a guy and you see the signs, you're crazy to think marriage will fix him. Fix him in advance for two years and then date after the two years - four years total. Then see if he wants daily contact with his mom and his family. That’s a no-no.
2. If he's constantly choosing mom over dating you and your plans together, that’s a no-no.
"[He may have] trouble making decisions without his mom, and in turn, might expect you to baby him as well,” Parker writes. That’s another no-no.
3. If he's still living with his mother, that's a no-no.
“A recent study conducted by the Pew Research Center, for the first time on record, men between the ages of 18 and 34 for are more likely to live with a parent, 35 percent, than with a spouse, 28 percent,” Parker writes.
An extended living arrangement enforces very strong dependencies on parents. This makes it difficult to switch priorities from ‘my parents took care of me yesterday’ to ‘I’m taking care of my spouse now.'
4. Don't build anything if the two of you are going to have to become dependent children again. If your husband refuses to even consider the concept of not living geographically near his parents, that’s a no-no.
I’ve gotten too many calls where the husband and wife tell me, “We're building an entirely new house from the ground up with little kids! So, we're going to have to spend a year living with his mommy and daddy.” No-no.
Don't ignore this stuff
Once you're married, it’s difficult for this to change. I'm perfectly okay with you having the fantasy of changing this man. Maybe you believe there's something so spectacular and special about you that he will give up all the intense interactions, dependencies, and expectations between him and his family.
Take care of that before you get married. Why wait until you have a kid? That's when I hear, “But I can’t get out.”
Of course, you can get out. But then you messed up a third party. I'm not big on that.
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