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Marriage
05/13/2010
IconThe feministas came out of their skins when I published my best seller, "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands." Their main point of rage was their notion that taking care of one's man emotionally and physically was demeaning.One reader, Vicky, wrote this week: "Last December, we invited potential friends to our Christmas party.' During the evening, I gave my husband a fresh drink when I saw that his was getting low.' At one point, the man we invited noticed and commented that he'd go thirsty if he waited for his wife to bring him a drink.' The wife, in turn, bluntly let me know that's because she wasn't a doormat.' I responded that I never thought I was a doormat just because I enjoyed taking care of my man, and the conversation moved on.' But, I have to admit, that comment ate at me for a long time.' Was I being na've?' Was my husband taking advantage of me? Over the months since, every time I hear my husband tell a friend that I take better care of him than he deserves, I let that comment "go" a little bit more.' I've now let it go completely. You see, we ran into that couple this past weekend.' We'd heard rumors that they were divorcing (because the husband had had an affair).' The wife confirmed the rumors, but stated that they were trying to work it out. I'm doubtful they will work anything out.' She's the ultimate "feminazi," and he will have to do all the changing and groveling for it to "work out." Bottom line:' She's on her way to divorce, and I'm celebrating my 7 year wedding anniversary today with a man who worships me and I absolutely adore after all these years.' Doormat?' I think not! More >>

Tags: BudgetFinancesMarriage
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Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconToday, I'm turning my blog over to Lisa, a listener who wrote me the following email: I called [your radio show] today to ask you about making dinner for my husband every night, and how I could get him to take a part in it.' Your response was "make dinner every night."' When I got off the phone, I thought:' 'I don't want to make dinner every night.' I was one of those women [who] swore I would never not agree with you.' Boy, it's a little harder when you are the one getting advice!' I have to admit, I was a bit ticked.' I called you so you could tell me to have him make dinner, not for me to still be "stuck" with the responsibility. As I sit here typing, I am laughing at myself.' Silly, silly me!' I had an epiphany.' My epiphany came from you saying 'We CHOOSE every day what we do,' and I thought 'Okay, then I will CHOOSE to do dinner every night' as a way of saying 'thank you' to my hubby, who has always worked so hard to provide me a home, a safe place, and a caring heart.' This wasn't an acceptance of defeat [like] I had lost some battle. What I had accomplished was CHOOSING my marriage .' Not to pat myself on the back or to receive accolades for making dinner every night, but to CHOOSE the role of serving and loving my hubby in this area (i.e., food).' Sometimes, roles are fun, adventurous, sexy and admired, and sometimes, those roles are the 'make the dinner late, dust the house and clean the toilets when I'm so tired' kind of roles. I got really excited [about making] a fabulous meal, knowing that even without a 'thank you,' I would be CHOOSING to do this for him.' I didn't need a thank you, because I was seeing it as an accountability point.' I chose my marriage, I chose to be a wife, I choose to work full time, I choose, I choose, I choose.' The one thing I wasn't choosing was being accountable for those choices.' With choices come responsibility. Countless friends and family have shown me the 'don't take that path' way of being married.' I don't want to give 50% -- I want to give 150% so that no woman will take that role away from me.' I want to create a place that will be the only home he'll ever come home to, the only lips he'll ever kiss, the only laundromat he'll ever take his clothes to....and while I'm at it, I might as well make some darn good dinners, even if it's spaghetti with red sauce every night! Thank you again for who you inspire women to become! Thankfully, Lisa More >>

Tags: MarriagePersonal ResponsibilitySAHM stay at home momValues
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Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconSue Shellenbarger writes a column for The Wall Street Journal that generally sends me up any available wall. The column is entitled "Home & Family," and I keep up with it if only to counter its content.She recently answered a reader's question ( 4/30/08 ) that had to do with a divorced father wanting to take his 10 year old son to his native Australia for 10 days, but his ex-wife is fighting the plan. The father contends that life lessons of such a vacation trump school. He's going to court for the right to take him, and asks Shellenbarger what she thinks.First of all, there are laws which prohibit one parent from taking a child out of the country without the express permission of the other. The reason is obvious: child-stealing. Secondly, having divorced parents at war with each other over a child hurts the child as he or she feels divided loyalties and tremendous anxiety. Thirdly, taking a child out of school for a protracted trip teaches the child that education is less of a priority than personal desires for fun. This father could arrange a summer trip when no school is missed. My guess is that this is a major power play.Shellenbarger not only doesn't deal with any of these issues, but she focuses on the whim of the child: if he would be comfortable with the trip; if he would see it as an adventure....in other words, just considering what the kid wants. What?? Of course the kid wants to be out of school and hanging out with dingos and kangaroos! "The ideal route would be for you and your ex-wife to set aside your personal feelings and focus on what he truly wants," contributes a New Jersey Marriage and Family Therapist. "[It] depends on your son's openness to the experience. Try to give him a free and honest choice, unfettered by feelings of loyalty to either of you or fear of letting you down." Is she kidding? How can a ten year old do that? And why put the burden on the child? Aren't the parents supposed to want and do what is best for the child? This is more of the "if it feels good it is good" school of thought - an experiment whose failure doesn't seem to curtail its perpetuation. More >>

Tags: DivorceFamily/Relationships - ChildrenInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMarriageParenting
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05/13/2010
IconEven as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride. - Ron Taffe;'''''''''''''''' Author More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconOver a decade ago, as a guest on the Donahue television show, while I was attempting to explain the concepts of "Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" (my current book at the time) to a pre-arranged hostile audience, I was inundated with bitter challenges on the issue of day care, which, interestingly, wasn't even an issue in the book.Fed up with the nonsense, I took control from Donahue (no simple task) and challenged the audience members to stand up if, after dying and coming back a second time, they would actually choose to be raised by a nanny, baby-sitter, or day care center.' Funny thing....nobody got up.As I have pointed out numerous times here, in my book "Stupid Things Parents Do To Mess Up Their Kids," and on my radio program, adults have become so self-serving that the well-being and appropriate needs of children have been ferociously ignored or dismissed.' I've recently read national reports demonstrating that parents - even before they have children - are fighting for spots in day care centers!' I figure, if they can plan that far ahead, they certainly can plan to have a parent at home, or to wait to have children until they are able and willing to do the right thing for their family.I have been thoroughly amazed at how the injuries, abuse, and deaths of children in day care centers has left many attending families angry - but angry with the authorities for closing them down!' Can you imagine that?State auditors reviewing the California Department of Social Services compared the addresses of the state's licensed facilities (including foster family homes and day care centers) with the state's database of registered sex offenders, and found that the addresses of 49 sex offenders matched those of 46 child care facilities.' It should go without saying that convicted sex offenders shouldn't be employed in a facility for children.Nonetheless, of the 46 address matches, 25 were in Los Angeles, 8 in the Central California Valley, 7 in the San Francisco Bay area, 4 in San Diego, and 1 each in San Bernardino and Sacramento.' The verification process is under way - children are being interviewed, and some licenses are being suspended.' This "match up" procedure will surely miss the folks who got jobs under assumed names just to be nearer to children.It would seem that some people go to great lengths to be close to our kids...maybe we should be holding our kids even closer. More >>

Tags: AbuseChild AbuseMarriageSexSexuality
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