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Men's Point of View
IconI sent the following letter to my wife: I was listening to Dr Laura today and I feel I have to put something down I heard her say or I am going to go nuts. I am a guy, Guys, whether women like it or not, are fixers and view their role in the world as protectors and fixers. I know you don't want to be fixed and I have been really trying hard to stay out of your way but listen to what I feel, it might help you to understand my own frustrations. More >>

Tags: Datinghusband's girlfriendMen's Point of ViewRead On-AirRelationshipsResponse To A CallSexSocial IssuesWomen's Point of View
IconAfter almost 30 years of following the popular phrase "be yourself and people will like you", I have finally realized that's a complete lie. What precipitated my complete change of view is that I went to a get together at a park. More >>

Tags: AttitudeBad Childhood - Good LifeBad Childhood-Good LifeCommitmentDatingFriendshipshappinessHealthMen's Point of ViewselfishSocial Issues
IconComplaints about back and shoulder pain are increasingly common. Parents have every right to be concerned about how heavy their child's backpack is. In fact, overweight backpacks have been getting so much attention that April was declared National Backpack Safety Month by the Congress of Chiropractic State Associations.  More >>

Tags: Adult Child-ParentchildrenEat Less-Move MoreFamily/Relationships - Adult Child/ParentFamily/Relationships - ChildrenFamily/Relationships - FamilyFamily/Relationships - TeensMen's Point of ViewMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingRelationshipsRelativesTeensWeight
IconMy wife and I went through some serious head bashing several years ago regarding finances. We solved the problem by separating our finances and 'keeping our noses out of each others business.' More >>

Tags: AttitudeBudgetfinancesHealthMarriageMen's Point of ViewpurposeRead On-Air
Icon.. I am gay... my partner and I have a business, and we necessarily hire young guys who are not real organized in their lives to work here... More >>

Tags: Character, Courage, ConscienceCharacter-Courage-ConscienceDatingMen's Point of ViewRead On-AirResponse To A CommentValues
Icon...I used to think it was my husband's job to be sweet and sexy, and if he didn't do everything I wanted when I wanted, I would become whiney and bitchy, no doubt prompting him to think "Why the hell did I marry her!" More >>

Tags: feministaMarriageMen's Point of ViewRead On-AirSexSocial IssuesValuesWomen's Point of View
IconThe other night my husband got home at about midnight from a guys' Bible study. When he walked through the door I asked him how it was. He didn't even tell me about what they were studying. More >>

Tags: MarriageMen's Point of ViewRead On-AirResponse To A Comment

How to Answer theDreaded Questions
When you Go Home for the Holidays

By The Love Goddess

"I'm going to be asked by my aunt--yetagain--why I'm not married," and am tired of answering thequestion with "Because I haven't met anyone yet. Because the look onher face when I say that is, like, triumphant. 'Oh dear.' she says,shaking her head 'I guess, well,--and here she smiles--no one's reallygood enough. Such a shame. How old are you now?'"
'My brothers are going to tease meabout gaining weight. I need a quick answer that doesn't humiliate me.Help!
'My mother will put down myboyfriend--a fabulous carpenter just starting out--with little snydecomments like, 'And what do you do again, dear?

Okay darling earth girls; time to get smart--now, beforeChristmas. Answers to stupid questions require planning ahead,lest they make you so mad you lose your cool. Here are threetried-and-true ways to five answers to the world's most obnoxiousquestions. Note that they share a theme, and that it's the theme you'reto remember.

1. ANYONE WHO ASKS YOU WHY YOU'RE NOT MARRIED DESERVES A BLOW-OFFANSWER.--AS GOOFY AND INSINCERE AS YOU CAN MAKE IT. Don't takethe question or the person seriously, as it's not a sincere questionbut rather one designed to make you uncomfortable (for, after all, whatanswer can you give that doesn't require an intimate, honestexchange?). So, unless you're prepared to level the person and start afight, evade the question with a breezy, even goofy answer--it deflectsthe hostility and you come out looking cheerful and unfazed.

2. To hone this skill, try anticipating the questioner's real point,and offer the answer she or he wants to hear. "I guess no one's goodenough for me, Aunt Jane" is very good, as it saves her the trouble ofimplying just that. 'No one would ever marry me because I'm fartoo stupid is another good one. Whatever you suspect the hidden agendais.

3. Disarm the questioner with something more interesting than thequestion. "I came close to marrying Fred Auntie, but he got worriedwhen he discovered how rich I am." At least she'll do a double take.You? Rich? How and when? Huh? An excellent answer. Thenturn and pour yourself a drink--and don't join her again.

The theme here is to disarm the rude questioner in any way you can. Thegoofier the answer, the better. "Gosh, Grandpa, I DO want toget married and have found just the right guy....but my psychic told me not to get marrieduntil February of 2011. So I'm waiting. " (Grandpa won't knowwhether to ask about the psychic or the reasoning for the month ofFebruary, or why he didn't know you were engaged--by which point you'llhave dashed out of the room.) Your "psychic" could also be yourguru, or your priest or your Groom's mother. Anybody who hasn'tbeen introduced to the family, nor heard of at all, will do. You wantto sound like it's all taken care of--by some lunatic no one knows.

For a roomful of family friends who all seem to be asking the samequestion and can't shut up, try. "Oh, you haven't heard, UncleBill. I AM married! I just haven't announced it yet! You're thefirst to know--so keep it a secret for me for now, okay?" Bill willwant to know when you're going to tell everyone. Just say, "Soon! Verysoon!"

Same for your boyfriend, the neophyte carpenter. Have him tell yourmother he's working on a chest of drawers for the queen of England. Andtell your brothers that the reason you've gained weight is that you'reon the girls' basketball team and are taking steroids till you reachthe proper strength.


And then walk away and find someone to talk to who loves you just theway you are.

Dalma Heyn, M.S.W., Founder of The Love Goddess, is the author ofseveral bestselling books on marriage and relationships. Dalma is awidely read columnist and sought-after speaker. She hasappeare--without her wings--on national talk shows including Oprah, The View, Charlie Rose, GoodMorning America, and Larry King Live. For more information visitwww.thelovegoddess.com or www.dalmaheyn.net. Permission granted foruse onDrLaura.com

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Tags: DatingMarriageMen's Point of ViewMorals, Ethics, ValuesRegarding Dr. LauraRelationshipsWomen's Point of View

Tax Time Identity TheftPrevention Tips
By John Sileo

This past week, I have beenhelping a gentleman recover from the theft of all of his taxrecords. Before it is all over, this gentleman will have spendhundreds of hours and thousands of dollars simply preventing anyfurther fraudulent use of his identity. That doesn't account for anydamages already done to his finances, criminal record, medical recordsor social security benefits. There is very little that is more damagingand dangerous to your identity than losing your tax records.

After all, tax records generally contain the most sensitive personallyidentifying information that you own, including Social Security Numbers(for you, your spouse and maybe even your kids), names, addresses,employers, net worth, etc. Because of this high concentration ofsensitive data, tax time is like an all-you-can-eat buffet for identitythieves. Here are some of the dishes on which they greedily feed:
  • Tax documents exposed onyour desk (home and work)
  • Private information thatsits unprotected in your tax-preparer's office
  • Improperly mailed, emailedand digitally transmitted or filed records
  • Photocopiers with harddrives that store a digital copy of your tax forms
  • Copies of sensitivedocuments that get thrown out without being shredded
  • Improperly stored and lockeddocuments once your return is filed
  • Tax-time scams that takeadvantage of our propensity to do whatever the IRS says (even if it'snot really the IRS asking)
TopTips for Tax Time Identity Theft Protection: Safe Preparation.Your greatest risk of identity theft during tax season comes from yourtax preparer (if you use one) either because they are dishonest (lesslikely) or because they are careless with your sensitive documents(more likely). Just walk into a tax-preparers office on April 1 and askyourself how easy it would be to walk off with a few client folderscontaining mounds of profitable identity. The devil is in thedisorganization.

Effective Solutions:
  • Choose your preparer wisely.How well do you know the person and company preparing your taxes? Didthey come personally recommended, or could they be earning cash on theside by selling your personal information. Do they have an establishedrecord and are they recommended by the Better Business Bureau?
  • Interview your preparerbefore you turn over sensitive information. Ask them exactly how theyprotect your privacy (do they have a privacy policy?). Are they meetingwith you in a room full of client files, or do they take you to aneutral, data-free, conference room or office? Do they leave files outon their desk for the cleaning service to access at night, or do theylock your documents in a filing cabinet or behind a secure office door?Do they protect their computers with everything listed in the nextsection?
  • Asking professional taxpreparers these questions sends them a message that you are watching!Identity thieves tend to stay away from people they know are activelymonitoring for fraud. Remember, losing your identity inside of theiraccounting or bookkeeping business poses a tremendous legal liabilityto their livelihood.
SecureComputers. Last year, more than 80 million Americans filed theirtax returns electronically. To prevent electronic identity theft, youmust take the necessary steps to protect your computer, network andwireless connection. Additionally, your tax preparer should be workingonly on a secured computer, network and internet connection. Hire aprofessional to implement the following security measures:
  • Strong alpha-numericpasswords that keep strangers out of your system
  • Anti-virus and anti-spywaresoftware configured with automatic updates
  • Encrypted hard drives orfolders (especially for your tax preparer)
  • Automatic operating systemupdates and security patches
  • An encrypted wirelessnetwork protection
  • A firewall between yourcomputer and the internet
  • Remove all file-sharingprograms from your computer (limewire, napster, etc.)
Private information should betransmitted by phone using your cell or land line (don't use cordlessphones). In addition, never email your private information to anyoneunless you are totally confident that you are using encrypted email.This is a rarity, so don't assume you have it. In a pinch, you canemail password protected PDF documents, though these are relativelyeasy to hack. Stop Falling for IRSScams. We have a heightened response mechanism during taxseason; we don't want to raise any red flags with the IRS, so we tendto give our personal information without much thought. We are primed tobe socially engineered. Here's how to combat the problem:
  • Make your default answer,"No". When someone asks for your Social Security Number or otheridentifying information, refuse until you are completely comfortablethat they are legitimate. Verify their credentials by calling them backon a published number for the IRS.
  • If someone promises you (byphone, fax, mail, or in person) to drastically reduce your tax bill orspeed up your tax return, don't believe them until you have done yourhomework (call the IRS directly if you have to). These schemes flourishwhen the government issues economic stimulus checks and IRS refunds.
  • If anyone asks you forinformation in order to send you your check, they are scamming for youridentity. The IRS already knows where you live (and where to send yourrebate)! By the way, the IRS will NEVER email you for any reason (e.g.,promising a refund, requesting information, threatening you).
  • To learn more about IRSscams, visit the only legitimate IRS website, which is www.irs.gov. Ifyou are hit by an IRS scam, contact the IRS's Taxpayer Advocate Serviceat www.irs.gov/advocate.
MailSafely. A good deal of identity theft takes place while taxdocuments or supporting material are being sent through the mail. Ifyou are sending your tax return through the mail, follow these steps:
  • Walk the envelope inside ofthe post office and hand it to an employee. Too much mail is stolen outof the blue USPS mailboxes and driveway mailboxes that we use foreverything else to make them safe.
  • Send your return bycertified mail so that you know it has arrived safely. This sends amessage to each mail carrier that they had better provide extraprotection to the document they are carrying.
  • Consider filingelectronically so that you take mail out of the equation. Make surethat you have a well-protected computer (discussed above).
Shredand Store Safely. Any copies of tax documents that you no longerneed can be shredded using a confetti shredder. Store all tax records,documents and related materials in a secure fire safe. I recommendspending the extra money to have your safe bolted into your home sothat a thief can't walk away with your entire identity portfolio. Makesure that your tax provider appropriately destroys and locks up anylingering pieces of your identity as well. Tax returns provide more ofyour private information in a single place than almost any otherdocument in our lives. Don't waste your tax refund recovering from thiscrime.

About the author: John Sileobecame America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp;Expert after he lost his business and more than $300,000 toidentity theft and data breach. His clients include the Department ofDefense, Pfizer and the FDIC. To further bulletproof yourself and yourbusiness, visit John's blog at Sileo.com. To book John atyour next event, visit
www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com. Permissiongranted foruse onDrLaura.com

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Tags: DatingMarriageMen's Point of ViewMorals, Ethics, ValuesRelationshipsWomen's Point of View

Your iPhone 4: Is itSafe?
By John Sileo

While the new features keep the iPhone at the forefront of technology,they also cause some privacy concerns.

One concern that carries over from previous iPhone models is the Always-on iPhone Apps that trackyour every move through the GPS navigation system. Back in April, Applebegan allowing location-tracking applications to run in thebackground. So, for example, companies like FourSquare, Yelp, andFacebook can continuously track your location, providing automaticnotifications to your friends when you are less than 1/2 mileaway from them, if you allow them.

For example, I just had a highly confidential client meeting at theclient's corporate headquarters. To the uninitiated, that meansthat the company I was visiting is probably having data theft issues(and has brought me in to help). If the media finds out that they arehaving these issues before the company has had a chance to start thedamage control process, their stock will drop far faster than if theyhave prepared for the news to go public. If Facebook or FourSquare isbroadcasting my whereabouts, my followers already know which company ishaving the problem, their competitors know it (if they are following myGPS broadcasts), and the media sits and waits for me to enter thebuilding. Luckily, I'm not well-know enough for anyone to care, butjust in case, I don't broadcast my whereabouts. Other, far moreinfluential people, do so without thinking twice about it. Which goesto show you that there are ways to utilize all of the cool newtechnology without letting it control you. With the right knowledge,you can take control of how your information is utilized.

Apple does realize the privacy concerns with location tracking andgives users a way to control how much information is shared. Whenyou open an app, the top bar will show a little arrow in the right-handcorner, indicating location awareness (pictured to the right). Therewill also be a dashboard where you can toggle location-trackingpermissions on and off for different apps. Regardless, this means thatmore companies will have access you your location than before. Ihaven't spent a lot of time thinking through the negative implicationsof location tracking, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be aware thatit is going on in the background so that we can make decisions from aposition of power.

High-definition video is a second tool that will be used by data spies.What could be easier than for an identity thief to pretend they are onthe phone as they are actually filming you typing in your ATM PIN infront of them? Why does iPhone 4 change the game? Because Hi-definitionmeans that they can stand further away and still get high quality videowith which to read your data. A simple sweep of an office desk, aclient file, etc. with high definition video gives me all of thedocuments I need to learn more about your company. Think of it as a spycamera that provides thousands of pictures a minute and is hidden asthe most ubiquitous device on the planet - a cell phone. Powerful toolboth for good and bad.

About the author: Tofurther bulletproof yourself and your business, visit John's blog at www.Sileo.com. Tobook John at your next event, visit www.ThinkLikeaSpy.com.John Sileo became America's leading Identity Theft Speaker amp; Expertafter he lost his business and more than $300,000 to identity theft anddata breach. His clients include the Department of Defense, Pfizer andthe FDIC. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com.

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