Dr. Laura
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Tags: Family/Relationships - TeensFather's DayMen's Point of ViewMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingSexTeens
IconThe most important part of having "rights" is taking "responsibility" for those rights.' This is a concept many activist groups don't "get," as evidenced by their angry utterances and actions.' For these people (feminists, for example), their actions are irrelevant - they believe they should be able to say and do whatever they please.' It's the other people who have to toe the line.Here's an example:' colleges in the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh said that female students would be banned from wearing jeans and other "western" clothes in order to halt sexual harassment by male classmates. "Girls who choose to wear jeans will be expelled from the college," Meeta Jamal, principal of the Dayanand girls' college in Kanpur city told Agence France-Presse (AFP). "This will be the only way to stop crime against women." Okay - so, jeans, shorts, tight blouses and mini-skirts on campus are being banned in a growing number of their colleges in an attempt to crack down on "EVE-teasing" (as sexual harassment is known in India).' But, of course, these "oh so mature" and wise girls between the ages of 17 and 20 say that these rules punish innocent females rather than tackling the men who talk "smack" to them..Let's look at this in a very pragmatic way.' Two girls are walking down the street, passing a group of young men.' Each girl is on the opposite side of the street.' One girl has on a tight-cropped top and low-cut jeans.' The girl on the other side of the street is wearing a pretty, but modest, dress.' Which side of the street are the guys going to pay attention to?' Which girl are they going to approach?' Which girl are they going to "tease" to see if they can "hook up?"' The answer is easy.Which girl is showing off her "wares?"' Which girl is acting in a provocative manner?' Which girl is using clothing and body language to possibly advertise her, ahem, "social" availability?' Which girl looks as though sex is on her mind?' The answer is easy.It is completely unreasonable for a provocatively-dressed woman to get any when guys hoot and whistle.' If clothing is just another form of "self-expression," well, we all know what sexy clothes are expressing.' Modest clothes are expressing nothing close to a "come-hither" attitude.A female at work has her boobs popping out of her top and a fellow worker says "nice boobs."' He's considered "bad," but she isn't?' Isn't foisting your sexuality on someone else harassment?' Women can provoke men, but men can't react?' That is the silly thinking of most feminists.Young men in a classroom can't pay attention to the blackboard and the teacher's words when he has in front of him the sight of a girl's lower back and upper butt, because she's wearing very low cut jeans.' Young men on a campus can't even remember which building to go into when a young woman walks by with her soft belly jutting out beneath her short top over her low-cut jeans.This is where responsibility comes in.' If you don't want that kind of attention, don't invite it! When I read the many of the comments posted in response to this story on Breitbart.com , I was not surprised at the naive and utterly stupid remarks about women having their rights to dress and behave any way they want (i.e., no responsibility), and men should control their verbal and emotional reactions (i.e., responsibility all on the men).And then I got to this comment...a nugget of gold in the compost heap: When I entered high school, it was the first year when girls were allowed to wear pants.' Since then, of course, clothing standards have dropped to the point where girls are wearing next to nothing on top of low-cut, tight jeans, or short-shorts. In high school, I would have screamed my head off that it was unfair to tell us what to wear.' Now that we've had 30 years of half-dressed high fashion, and I've become older and wiser, I understand why modesty makes sense.' Our schools, especially here in California, are a complete disaster.' There are many reasons for it, but requiring that girls dress modestly and that boys dress respectfully is a good start.' Considering that hormones are bubbling like volcanoes, particularly in teenage boys, simple steps like this would make a difference.' I remember the days when people dressed up nicely just to go to the movies!' I'm not advocating this, but I would even be for school kids wearing uniforms.' It puts them in a different frame of mind.' Trying to get kids to sit still, pay attention and get an education is not only difficult, but as we see from our dismal failure in the last 20 to 30 years, is imperative for the future of this country.' Looking back, it does amaze me how much my opinion has changed.' It is said that the devil is in the details, and I must concur.' The small things that I thought didn't matter at all turn out to be very important, not only in and of themselves, but they are the blocks on which other decisions/behavior are built.' It's really hard to see this when you're 15 or even 25, but as have accumulated experience in life, it has become very clear. More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - TeensParentingSexSexualityTeens
IconAs I was walking through my kitchen to my office, my husband was having his morning cereal, watching Fox News.' They were in the midst of a perky promo for 'what's coming up next,' concerning a school district that was using financial rewards to motivate students to get good grades.' I kept walking... and only heard one bit more about the subject:' 'It's working.'That promo stuck in my mind because of those last words:' 'It's working.''If tantalizing children with money, money, money actually makes them get good grades, because they pay more attention in class, put more effort into their homework, are more invested in studying for exams and working on reports and projects, well, that means that a lot of kids aren't living up to their potential.Why would MONEY make the difference, and not the appreciation of their parents, the respect of their peers, the approval from their teachers, or the mere burst of pride in doing well?' The answer is simple:' kids these days are not raised to care about appreciation, respect, approval and pride...period!' They are brought up to care about celebrity, extravagance, notoriety, freakish attention (think reality shows), infamy as a positive experience, and extreme non-conformity to traditional values.What happens to these kids when the money isn't there, but there is still the expectation of profound effort and commitment?' Certainly teachers, police, firefighters, those in the military, and small shop owners (to name just a few) aren't putting out their best efforts for the financial reward.' A police officer who 'collars' a serious bad guy gets a lot of thumps on the back, a night of some beers with fellow colleagues, and a notch toward an eventual promotion in rank.' Mostly, he has pride in doing his job well.'These children are not being moved in that direction at all by this 'money reward for grades' idea (except, maybe, for the beer).Schools have been eliminating accolades such as high honors at graduation (e.g., valedictorian) so as not to hurt the self-esteem of those who won't or can't rise to that occasion.' Yet, they want to give money, money, money to those who do.' What is THAT message?' No one's feelings are going to be hurt because they didn't get the money, money, money.' Ugh.I think we should go back to showing respect for the children who do perform well: for example, point systems that offer monthly 'perks' like not having to take a few quizzes because their grades are above a B+, or earning a class trip to the zoo, aquarium, or museum or something else that acknowledges their efforts without minimizing the meaning by throwing coins at them. More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingValues
IconI can't believe how many emails I got from those of you who watch that program, Jon & Kate Plus 8 .' It's a reality TV show, and they're breaking up because he had an affair?' Because she seems to be really mean to him, people have written suggesting I get involved.' NO WAY.'When I was young, there was a show on PBS, An American Family , that was the same sort of thing.' Cameras were there 24 hours a day, and the family fell apart.' Strangers were there, the family was performing for television, and there were stresses and strains with the celebrity part of it - there shouldn't even be a celebrity part.' I just think these things are disgusting displays.Then there was the Jim Carrey movie, The Truman Show , which was about his life being a television show, and he not knowing it.' I remember at the time that people said, "Isn't this a disgusting thing to do to a person?"' Well, now, people volunteer for it!' So, I have no respect for these parents.' I have no respect for any of the people who do this "reality" stuff.'My heart goes out to the kids.' Is it humane to children to let their parents exploit them in a television program when their images and intimacies are exposed to everyone for all time when they have no say or control?' Is it in the children's best interests to be USED as entertainment by two parents so self-absorbed that they put money and celebrity in front of their children's privacy?' It's like putting your children in a circus freak show strip and having a barker yelling: "Come in, come in and see what happens to children when their parents use them for your entertainment... It's exciting, it's damaging, but you won't be able to take your eyes off 'em.' Watch 'em wiggle. Watch 'em cry. Watch 'em squirm.' It's so much fun...bring popcorn and beer and come watch the show." To me, there should be a law that you can't use kids on TV like this.' It's one thing when they're acting, but it's another thing when they're being exploited.' I'm surprised that nobody stepped in and said "This is the exploitation of minor children," although late last week the Pennsylvania Department of Labor said it was looking into whether the show is complying with the state's child labor law.' But I'm not going to get involved.' There are other show-biz types who have a habit of doing that.' I'm not one of them.Here's one of the letters that came into me, and seemed to have the most in-depth information: I was once a fan of Jon & Kate Plus 8.' I loved watching these children, and seeing them grow. [note: I think it's exploitation]. Only the longer I watched the show, the more disturbed I became with Kate's treatment of her husband.' I'd turn off the TV feeling deflated rather than uplifted. Episode after episode, she'd berate and belittle him:' about his weight, his intelligence, and his parenting.' He'd take responsibility for his mistakes, while she'd excuse hers.' I remember one specific episode where he'd taken the day off to help her at home.' Having noticed one of the kids acting up, he put them in a "timeout."' She went over and said "Daddy's being mean," and let them go back and play.' It broke my heart to see his authority continuously undermined in front of his own children. Recently, at the end of their last season, Jon mentioned he wasn't up for another season, explaining how he hates how he can't go out in public and 'just be Jon.'' Instead, he's 'Jon & Kate Plus 8.'' Translation:' he's the guy on TV who is whipped by his self-centered wife. Weeks later, all of the scandal broke.' Kate, in a People Magazine interview, said that Jon felt cancelling the show would make him happy, but she didn't think anything would, so she would do what she felt was right for her family.' What is right for her family is not a television show, but two parents who love each other. He wanted to cancel the show so the world would no longer see his dirty laundry, his controlling wife, and constant failures.' It may not make him happy, but it would make his life bearable.' What would make him happy is having a wife who cares for him.' I just wish that someone would reach out to that woman and give her a hard shake, before she damages the lives of 8 little ones, and her husband.' It seems silly to be caught up in the lives of ten reality show strangers, but I've learned a little something from it.' I gained a better understanding of the Dr. Laura saying:' "Do you want this woman/man to be the mother/father of your 87 children?' Thanks for being a version of reality that I can rely on. I like that last sentence.' What do we call "entertainment?"' The shows where they have people competing to cook, make clothes, and all that other stuff are such mean shows.' Hostility?' Competitive venom?' I can't understand why we call this "entertainment."' The population that enjoys sitting there with popcorn and a beer, watching people be mean, be diminished, and be demoralized is scaring me. More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMarriageParentingReality TV
IconA 66-year-old British woman (yup - 66! ), unmarried (of course), went to the Ukraine and paid doctors over there to impregnate her with fertilized eggs.' The eggs were donated, as was the sperm, but the uterus - zapped with a regimen of necessary hormones - was hers.She is due to give birth by Caesarean section next month.' Wow.' What a medical miracle!' We have the technological know-how to allow a woman almost 70 years old to "make a baby" for her very own self!' Personally, I would have suggested a shih-tzu for her case of loneliness instead - she and the dog might live the same number of blissful years together.What about the child?' What about being born to a woman who could be your great-grandmother and statistically will not live to see you finish puberty or high school?' Well, that doesn't seem to matter - it's all about what the adult wants and not about how children pay the price.Yes, I know - parents of any age can die from cancer or car accidents, and, of course, that's true.' But this woman's chances of dying before her child reaches adulthood are pretty clear.' And with no daddy in the picture, what does this child do for family?The so-called "Octomom," Nadya Suleman, also wanted what she wanted, and now many children suffer not being able to get to a teat because there are too many competitors, and they have no dad to comfort them, either.I'm so proud (yeah, right) of women who have taken on the mantle of "I am woman, hear me roar."' They serve to make the example of how low women and humanity can go in diminishing the needs of children because of their own wants.' Shameful! More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParentingPersonal Responsibility
IconPolice authorities are on a nation-wide search for a mother and her 13-year-old cancer-stricken son who fled after refusing chemotherapy that doctors say could save the boy's life.' The two left their Minnesota home after a doctor's appointment and X-ray showed his tumor had grown.' A court has issued an arrest warrant (ruling the mother in contempt of court), and has ordered that the boy be placed in foster care and immediately evaluated for treatment by a cancer specialist .'His parents insist on alternative medicines, citing religious beliefs.' That led authorities to seek custody, as the court ruled that the boy's parents were medically neglecting their son, as his form of cancer is considered highly curable with chemotherapy and radiation.The parents believe in the philosophy of the Nemenhah Band, a Missouri-based religious group that believes in natural healing methods with herbal supplements, vitamins, ionized water and such.' However, lately the dad has jumped ideological ships and is now agreeing that his son needs the best treatment with a doctor of medicine.All over the blogosphere, you can read arguments as to whether or not the court should be able to countermand the parents.' My opinion?' Absolutely yes...when it is clear that the child is in imminent harm and there are the means to rescue him.This child is in imminent harm because of his parents and the cancer itself.' Since the cancer is likely curable, it is unconscionable for his life to be taken by parents who choose some extreme religious views which put their child on the road to death.' Secondly, the child, 13, cannot read due to some learning disability.' I question whether or not the parents helped him with that problem either.' Since the boy cannot read, he is relying on the "wisdom" of his parents, who are not giving him the truth, which is "chemo will save you and herbs will let you die in pain."Personally, I am very respectful of most (not all) religious views.' I am completely dis respectful of religious views which result in taking the life of an innocent - in this case, robbing the life of an innocent child. More >>

Tags: AbuseChild NeglectChildrenFamily/Relationships - ChildrenHealthParentingReligionValues
Tags: AbstinenceFamily/Relationships - ChildrenFamily/Relationships - TeensParentingTeensValues
IconI got this after I read a letter from a stay-at-home mom on my radio program: Dr. Laura:I am a 26 year old Stay-At-Home Dad who never wanted children, and until I saw my daughter for the first time, I was terrified that I would resent her for changing my life in a way I'd never planned (and yes, I do appreciate the irony of my situation).' I have served in the military, managed people, and worked as a laborer.' I have done many difficult things in my life, but being a full-time parent is easily the most difficult (and most rewarding) job I have ever had.' My daughter is the light of my life, and, despite my earlier fears, has only helped to strengthen the relationship I share with my wife. [Recently], you read an email on your program from a stay-at-home mother titled "Staying Home is NOT a Sacrifice!"' I was awestricken, and admittedly, at the end of the letter, I cried.' I've been described as "unemotional" on more than one occasion, and was even surprised at myself with the chord that letter struck for me.' While I have never considered giving up my career and my life as a childless young adult a sacrifice, I'd also never put it all into perspective for myself.' I am surrounded by people who have shown nothing but great respect for my wife and I for the fact that we live a much different lifestyle than we did prior to our daughter being born, so I am personally (and thankfully) unfamiliar with the hostility that stay-at-home parents receive.' And while I doubt that the people who would hear or read this woman's letter would disagree with her, I, as a man and father, would like to add a little reinforcement to this woman's declaration.' Staying home is NOT a sacrifice!' The reward of staying home with the kids is not only the end result of children having full-time parents, but in the act itself.' We are not giving anything up to be with our children; we are getting so much more from them than we would otherwise. It's unfortunate to me that not everyone can enjoy the special bond that a stay-at-home parent forms with their children, and I wish that the whole world could see my little girl run at me full-bore, and crash head-first into my legs, begging to be picked up, so that she can give me a big sticky kiss and bury her face in my neck. Yes, I do sometimes miss skipping town for the weekend on a moment's notice to go drinking or fishing.' Yes, I do sometimes miss having the money to go buy a new toy whenever I feel like it.' I do sometimes miss being able to make love to my wife anywhere in our home at any time.' But one sticky kiss from my daughter is worth infinitely more than every beer I don't have, every record-breaking fish I don't catch, every new toy I don't buy, and every intimate moment that has to wait until the baby has gone to bed. A proud, stay-at-home Dad More >>

Tags: acceptanceAttitudeFamily/Relationships - ChildrenParenting
IconI received this poignant email about a heartbreaking topic, but Kelly has found inspiration in her loss, and that's the message I'd like to pass on to all of you: Dr. Laura:I listened to a call you took from a woman who had lost a baby (a twin), and wondered how to handle this as she tried to go forward in life.' I thought I'd share how my family has coped with our loss. My son was stillborn almost 13 years ago now.' He was my first baby, and the loss was devastating, especially since it was such a struggle to conceive him at all.' Three months after the loss I became pregnant again (huge surprise!).' How could I be happy for this baby when I was still mourning my son?' It was scary and hard, but I was determined to notice what would become good memories, so that I would have them to share with this child as she was growing up and wanting to hear how happy we were as we anticipated her arrival.' But I still struggled each year as the anniversary of my son's birth/death approached. And then I read a story about a woman who had been raped and left for dead.' After years of agonizing fear and dread as the anniversary of her attack approached each year, she decided to do something to change all that.' She used that date each year to celebrate her life, and the fact that she still had it.' By this time, we had already shared with our daughter that she had a brother in heaven who watched over her.' I decided to take that a step further. Rather than trying to cover up or explain my sadness at that time each year, I decided to make it a time of remembrance and appreciation.' If nothing else, my son's death taught me just how fleeting this life is, and there is not a moment to take for granted. It took me a long time to get to this place, but now, on that day each year, my husband, my daughter and I take that day off (no matter what) just to spend time with each other doing something fun, and remembering how appreciative we are that we have each other. We've been camping, spent a day at the park, went to the beach...anything that immersed us in each other.' And we take time out to remember our son, and thank him for that awesome lesson.' When it comes to the loss of a child, I really think every person has to find his or her own way.' I just thought I'd share ours, in hopes that it might help someone else. Kelly More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - ChildrenHealthMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParenting
Tags: Family/Relationships - TeensInternet-MediaInternet/MediaParentingTeens
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