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Parenting
05/13/2010
IconThe "Work and Family" section of The Wall Street Journal recently had an essay describing why some single women choose to freeze their eggs.' Mind you - the essay was about single women.Evidently, only 2-4% of frozen eggs once thawed yield live births.' Also, it's not yet clear whether babies born from such eggs will face any long-term health problems.' So it would seem that many women risk making important life decisions (like staying with a career long in life) based on false assumptions that their fertility is secure.The procedure (which ranges from about $9,000 to $14,000) has been used as a way to preserve fertility for cancer patients facing treatments likely to render them sterile.' This is a benevolent use of this budding technology.'However, most of the interest seems to come from women delaying marriage and child-bearing because they are ferociously career-oriented and/or can't find or keep a good man.' I would like to send them each a copy of my book, " The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ," because it is cheaper and more to the point.These women want to "make a close family" (never mind that there would be no Daddy in this "close" family), or give their parents the "gift" of a grandchild (making a child a present).' Nowhere in the article did the notion of a single woman making a baby for herself point out that this may not be in the best interest of the child!' I guess that doesn't matter. More >>

Tags: MotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParenting
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05/13/2010
IconLast week, I posted a blog entitled "Accidental Sex?" in which I commented about an article in Seventeen Magazine entitled " Shocking Ways You Could Get Pregnant By Accident ."'I got an email from a listener who had written to Seventeen to complain about the article.' She sent me a copy of their response, or as she said: "let's be sure not to alienate anyone, was their bottom line.' Good grief!"'Good grief, indeed.' I'll let you be the judge.' Here's the letter from Seventeen: Thank you for your letter.' We are very interested in all of your comments, questions and concerns. Seventeen has a readership of millions of girls, and it is our mission, indeed our obligation, to give these girls information, entertainment and advice they can turn to.' As the oldest magazine in existence for teenagers, we also have 60 years of experience in talking to them and finding ways of getting them to listen.' We have found that when teens feel they are being lectured, condescended to, or getting nothing but "don'ts," they stop listening. What we attempt to do in every article is to give teens basic facts and warnings, in an effort to make sure that if they do decide to take a step, like to become sexually active, they are aware of the most likely issues and safety conditions and will at least think twice about what they are doing and try to do it in the most responsible way possible. We at Seventeen work as best we can to get the right kind of message across without alienating readers.' We will continue to try to give our readers advice that works, and to serve them as well as we can. Thanks again for writing us. Sincerely, The Editors More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - TeensInternet-MediaInternet/MediaParentingSchoolSexSexualityTeens
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05/13/2010
IconWhat's happening (so many people wonder) that is making at least half of kindergartners engage in frequent fighting, aggression, and tantrums?' Is it ADD or ADHD or any more letters from the beginning of the alphabet?' Yes, it must be...so drug 'em into obedience!Over the last year, we've also seen many reports that pre-schoolers were being thrown out, because of "bad behavior," including an unwillingness to cooperate, to listen to "teachers," and even a tendency to assault other children.' Well, we can drug 'em for that, too.' Or, how 'bout yoga and other forms of meditation? (I personally find that foot massages take off my edges!).We have two choices:' figure out how to get control of these out-of-control kids, or how not to drive them to distraction in the first place.' I vote for "Door #2."A 2006 study in the journal "Early Childhood Research Quarterly" demonstrated that day-care children show increases in the stress hormone cortisol throughout the day compared to children at home.'A 2007 study, headed by Susanna Loeb, an Associate Professor of Education at Stanford University, found that children who spend more time in child-care centers early in life show more behavior problems in later years, compared with kids who have spent less time away from home and momma, and that the negative effects were greater among children who had entered child-care centers at earlier ages.It takes a momma and a daddy, and a warm, loving home to get a child ready to deal with the unpredictable, unfair, restrictive, and demanding realities of life.' Please give them that time with you . More >>

Tags: Common SenseEducationFamily/Relationships - ChildrenParentingSchoolValues
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05/13/2010
IconAn essay by Sara Schaefer Munoz in the "Home and Family" section of The Wall Street Journal (February 12, 2008) caught my eye.' The essay, entitled "For Single Moms, Access to Better-Paying Jobs is Key," talks about how difficult it is for single mothers to balance work/life issues.'First of all, it never distinguishes between widowed, divorced, and never-bothered-to-be-married moms.' The issues are quite different:' insurance, spousal and child support, his extended family's continual involvement, and so forth.' Contrast that to a woman who simply got pregnant by some guy.' The latter situation is far different and each of them requires its own newspaper column.' They are generally lumped together because of "political correctness" (no judgment and no hurt feelings), and not because the three situations vary widely due to the financial situation and the well-being of the children.The essay did the usual by suggesting available careers and child-care possibilities.' It was the "Readers Say" portion that requires a response from me. One reader wrote: "Maybe if more men took accountability for proper birth control, there would be fewer single mothers working two jobs to make ends meet." I just can't let this one go.' Oh my, are we unfairly picking on the woman?Here's how I see it:' it is in the woman's body that the miracle of conception, gestation, and ultimate birth of a new human being takes place.' It is legally the woman's prerogative to kill it or bring it to term.' No man has any legal say in the life or death of his child's first nine months of existence.' These two facts give the woman the overwhelming preponderance of responsibility.There are too many never-married mothers, because women have become more casual about sex (abortion is just another form of birth-control), and more casual about children (they don't really need a daddy). The children pay the price:' no dad in the home, and they're in day-care (which I call "day orphanages"), so momma can hopefully find a job.So, to get back to the title of the essay, "better-paying jobs" is not the key.' Marriage is. More >>

Tags: BudgetFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMoneyParenting
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05/13/2010
IconListener Leslie wrote: It's almost Valentine's Day, so I wanted to tell you about my sweet husband.' We have been married for over two years, and are now hoping to adopt a baby (you wouldn't believe how long and tedious this process is, but we know it will be worth it!).' He has always supported my decision to be a stay-at-home mother, and we've been saving and planning for two years. Two weeks ago, after a long day at my stressful job, I came home crying.' My wonderful husband told me to quit my job, stay home, and relax so that I am 100% ready to be a mother. Oh, Dr. Laura, what a relief!' Tomorrow is my last day at this job, and every morning for the last two weeks, I have made my husband lunch, and my job is now to make our dollars go as far as possible.' Every night, he has come home to a happy wife, a hug, an "I love you," and a hot meal.' Oh, how he beams! We may not yet have a baby, but I can already say that my husband is his kid's dad, and I am proud to be his wife. More >>

Tags: MarriageParentingSexStay-at-Home MomStay-At-Home-Moms
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05/13/2010
IconAny woman who has ever been pregnant knows how absurd it is when we hear about some young woman who did not know she was pregnant until the moment at which she is giving birth to a full-term baby.' Preposterous, of course.' Its more like she's not willing to take responsibility.' Well, the February issue of Seventeen magazine focuses on "Shocking Ways You Could Get Pregnant By Accident."' Huh?The cover piece does mention the option of not having sex, and even points out that "studies show that girls who have a big plan for their future are significantly less likely to get pregnant," but the main focus of the magazine article is not about how to avoid sex simply because you feel all tingly and your girlfriends are doing it or the guy tells you that you won't be popular if you don't.' It's mainly about accepting that it'll probably happen, so this is how you talk him into a condom or how you take the pill (which, by the way, does not protect against sexually-transmitted diseases)."...sex is a natural, healthy and fun part of loving relationships."' That is a fact.' What Seventeen does not take an entire issue to explain is that every time you feel butterflies or are hot for someone, it isn't love.' The issue does not spend page after page extolling the virtues of mature awe, respect, admiration, friendship, trust, etc., which take years to develop and can really only take place once you're a mature adult.Surely Seventeen magazine knows that the number one issue for teens is acceptance and fitting in.' To be such a formidable influence in the lives of teens and to be so remiss in cheating them out of the blessings of true intimacy - instead, touting the fulfillment of urges as love justifying sex - is a sad, irresponsible, and disgusting misuse of their power. More >>

Tags: Family/Relationships - TeensInternet-MediaInternet/MediaParentingSexSexualityTeens
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05/13/2010
IconIn a never-ending supply of lows, TV's newest contribution to the destruction of dignity, modesty, and compassion is on the Fox Network, entitled " The Moment of Truth ."' The basic concept is to have people admit to immoral, illegal, embarrassing, stupid, crass or just plain dumb behavior while attached to a "polygraph," which purports to determine whether the answer given by the contestant is "truthful."' Truthful answers are rewarded by cash, up to a half-million dollars.' It's sickening to see what some folks will destroy in their own souls and relationships for money - even a lot of money.The New York Times ( January 25, 2008 ) described a scenario on the series' premiere show: 'Ty, a personal trainer, said 'yes' when asked if he has delayed having children because he is not sure that Catia, his wife of 2 1/2 years, would be his 'lifelong partner.'' After he replied, a disembodied female voice delivered the verdict:' 'The answer is....(long dramatic beat) TRUE!'' The camera panned to Catia, who stopped smiling and murmured 'I'm dying here.'' Her friend, April, turned to her and asked in a semi-whisper 'Is it worth $100,000 to learn that?'"Well, financially, it wasn't worth anything because when Ty was asked whether he had ever touched a female client more than was strictly necessary, his "no" was determined by the polygraph to be a lie, and he lost all his winnings This is sick stuff.' All truths ought not to be spoken.There is a new film out with a plot that I believe appropriately condemns society for caving into the basest part of human nature.' There is a "bad" guy who murders people and puts their lingering, torturous death on the Internet live.' The more people who log on....the faster and more horrific the victim's death.' What happens?' Well, more people log on.' The parallel is inescapable.' Shame on Fox, but more so, shame on us. More >>

Tags: Internet-MediaInternet/MediaMotherhoodMotherhood-FatherhoodParenting
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05/13/2010
IconIn response to my blog on the degeneration of interpersonal relationships through Facebook, MySpace, and the swell of gossip media outlets, I got this from Paul French: You are so correct.' My wife came across a great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that I believe explains a lot of this:' 'Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.' Thanks, Paul! More >>

Tags: Internet-MediaInternet/MediaParentingSocial NetworkingValues
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05/13/2010
IconI get thousands of emails, letters and faxes every week.' They can be funny, sobering, trivial, deep.' Every once in a while one comes in that just takes my breath away.' This is one of those: "I am terminally ill with cancer.' I AM GOING TO BE HAPPY EVERY DAY.' Life is a very great gift.' I am very grateful for each day.' Even if all you get in life is one sunrise or one sunset; life is a fantastic present. I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR MY HAPPINESS." She asked me not to use her name. More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyHalloweenHolidaysMarriageMovie ReviewMoviesParentingQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelativesThanksgiving
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05/13/2010
IconEarlier this week, I got a call from a 36 year old woman who has been "shacking up" with her boyfriend for four years.' She wants to have children, but senses his ambivalence.' The answer I gave her applies to all the otherwise intelligent women who do this.You should move out and say "I've decided I've made a horrible mistake and the next time I'm living under the same roof as a man, I'm going to be his wife!"You don't demand anything.' You don't threaten anything. You act like a dignified woman, instead of an unpaid whore.' It's as simple as that.' A man who loves and respects a woman wouldn't treat you like that.When I asked this caller "What would you tell your son?" at first, she didn't understand that I was raising a hypothetical question about how she would explain this behavior to her "future" child.' She started to say, "Well, if you're both happy, and you're both-" and I immediately cut in and said she should not make babies.' If you're going to do that to your kid, don't have any.' If you're going to tell your daughter "...as long as you're happy and you're screwing your brains out every night with a guy who doesn't want to commit his life to you, it's all okay!" - we don't need any more parents like that.'That's why we have such chaos in our whole society - because you think "happy" at any one moment is the highest value.' I think honor, sacrifice, and commitment are a higher honor than taking your daily "happiness" temperature, because a man staying true to his wife, who has terminal colon cancer, instead of dating is not happy .' Is he happy ?' Then that can't be the highest quotient!If you want the world to deal on "happiness," then you have to understand that your man will leave you any day you don't make him happy, and will not honor you or any vow, because he doesn't have to!' You've already taught him that if you're "happy," that's the only thing that matters.I don't think firemen are happy to run into burning buildings.' I don't think they're "happy" doing that.' I don't think police are "happy" to surround a building where somebody says he's going to shoot everybody.' I don't think they lay awake in the morning and go "Gee, that makes me happy!"' They have honor and sacrifice and duty and commitment to something higher than "feeling good" in and of themselves.' Don't have children if you're going to teach them about "happiness."' We have enough chaos in our society because people are doing what they "feel" like when it has no meaning and no projection into the future.'If you teach your sons to screw girls if it makes them happy, and as long as she's smiling and you don't have to make any commitment, don't make babies.' We just don't need any more parents like you.' We just don't. More >>

Tags: CommitmentFamily/Relationships - ChildrenMarriageMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingPersonal ResponsibilityShacking UpShacking-UpSocial Issues
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