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IconI want to thank you for teaching me to be my husband's girlfriend. I share a lot of your wisdom with my friends. They say it all sounds like a lot of "work". More >>

Tags: Father's DayMarriageMotherhood-FatherhoodSexWomen's Point of View
Icon...I used to think it was my husband's job to be sweet and sexy, and if he didn't do everything I wanted when I wanted, I would become whiney and bitchy, no doubt prompting him to think "Why the hell did I marry her!" More >>

Tags: feministaMarriageMen's Point of ViewRead On-AirSexSocial IssuesValuesWomen's Point of View
IconYour Body is Not Disneyland - Part II By Erik Fisher, PhD, AKA Dr. E' www.ErikFisher.com Welcome back. In my first installment, I discussed the nature of our relaxed attitudes toward sex. I feel that we are in a precarious position, and our children are in danger of suffering from our lack of self-respect. So let's pick it up from here. What I always tell people is that even though we may have roots that connect us to the animal world, we also have a brain that functions at a higher level. The gift of our frontal lobe is that we can use our ability to reason to help manage our unavoidable more primal and animalistic tendencies. The goal of this article series is not to become moralistic and judgmental, it is to challenge people to consider their intentions, values, emotions, attitudes, and choices. I hope you will evaluate yours. How Do I Love Thee??? Let's first look at our concept of love. We have one word that describes so many different emotional states, and this lack of attention to detail to this very important concept is a major problem in our culture, IMHO. There is a popular urban legend that says that Eskimos have more than one-hundred words for snow, and while the figure has been grossly exaggerated, the idea is that concepts that are important to a culture will have much more specificity than those that aren't as important. So, just how do we "love" things, let me count the ways' You can love your mom, your dad, your kids, your sister, your brother, your friend, your uncle, your aunt, your cousin, your teacher, your boss, your student, your country, your team, your school' You can also love a sunny day, an ice cream cone, the beach, skiing, baseball, football, as well as your pets. Some even say that they love sex. The question is, even with this short list of things we may say that we love, do we love them the same way? I think not. Yet we use the same word to describe so many states of emotion. Do we have some words that describe different states of love? Yes, but our use of the word love is somewhat careless and leads to a lot of confusion that I firmly believe affects our relationships and attitudes toward intimacy and sex. It has been said that Sanskrit had 96 words for love and ancient Persian had 80. Greek has three: Agape, Philos, and Eros. I will explain those, because it takes a takes a lot less time to convey the point. Agape is considered to be a more spiritual love. It is described in the Bible as to how God loves man, and I would describe it as our admiration and connection to people on their journey in life. Philos or philia is a brotherly type of love and overlaps into how parents love their children, how siblings love each other, friends love each other, and even how some people may love their pets. As you can see only three words is already getting a bit sticky. The third type of love is eros, which describes a romantic type of love. It involves the attraction between two people that is sexual and ranges from physical attraction to blind infatuation. Well, what happens when we only have one word to describe so many states? It leads to emotional confusion and a great deal of discomfort. Let's say that a girl loves a boy in a philos way, but the boy feels eros? They both love each other, but the boy is feel that he wants to take the relationship to the next level, while the girl is enjoying the closeness with the boy. She may then feel pressured by him to take the relationship where he wants to go or fear losing him and the love she feels from him. They both "love" each other don't they? But does it mean the same thing, and are either of them ready for sex? Age Is A Relative Term What I try to teach people, as young as twelve years old through adulthood, is that in order for any intimate long-term relationship to survive, both people have to feel all three components as the relationship develops and grows. Too many times, people in our culture believe that feeling that eros attraction, which is often as strong as a mind-altering high, is enough to take a relationship to the next level. Eros will always wear off, because that is, in part, a neurophysiological experience (I will explain more about that later). The problem is that when the eros wears off, what are the two people left with? Too many times they are left with nothing, and the relationship dies. What happens when either person wakes up and one finds themselves pregnant or they find themselves married? Developing a deep friendship (philos) and admiring the person (agape) that you are in a relationship are crucial to a successful relationship. It is easy to open ourselves up to our more primal urges and let emotion take over only to find ourselves in the walk of shame the next morning, but I feel that we were born with the ability to reason beyond our more primal self and learn to respect ourselves and those we relate to. We owe that to ourselves. In my next installment, we will discuss "The Ultimate High'" About the author:  Erik Fisher , PhD, aka Dr. E', is a licensed psychologist and author who has been featured on NBC, CBS, FOX and CNN. Visit him at  www.ErikFisher.com  to learn more about his books "The Art of Empowered Parenting" and "The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict" or to check out his blog. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Tags: Personal ResponsibilitySexValues
Tags: MarriageSexSexuality
IconI hear from (and about) a lot of women who say they're not interested in sex, and they are married to men who vowed fidelity, and so those men are now literally out in the cold.Many women can be quite cruel about their behavior:' telling their husbands to "just deal with it" or challenge them into getting a "girlfriend."' These same women may throw a fit if their husband pleasures himself while watching Internet pornography consisting of a man and a woman engaged in passionate sex.Sheesh!' They can't have it both ways, unless women expect their men to bust their buns taking care of children and a wife without the normal, expected "reward" of love and passion.Some women have medical issues which cut down on their feeling sexy, but not many medical issues truly inhibit women from pleasing their husbands, and then discovering themselves getting "turned on" in the process.Most of the time, too many wives just get lazy and self-centered about taking care of their romantic and sexual lives because of kids' schedules, friends and relatives, and "busy busy" stuff that just consumes every ounce of their energy.' Let's be honest - that's an excuse and not a real reason.' You can pace yourself and make choices.' Many women don't bother, and feel that the sexual needs of their husbands are burdens to them and not a compliment or offer of ecstasy.Interestingly, many of these women are the ones who call me, complaining that their husbands don't do much for them on Valentine's Day, or birthdays and anniversaries.' Are you kidding?' What is he to celebrate?' Marriage and family have turned him into an asexual monk!Women's sexuality requires "priming," while guys are just about always "ready to roll."' A lot of that priming has to happen in her head:' thinking affectionately about sensual things, bathing, primping and flirting - the kinds of things wives tend to leave at the altar or in the birthing room.I have come to feel sorry for husbands in general in America today.' The feminist mentality that has labeled any male needs as "oppression" has certainly poisoned a lot of minds out there.If you think you're one of those, or if you need your attitude jump-started, read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands .' It's helped a lot of women get happier. More >>

Tags: MarriageMen's Point of ViewRelationshipsSexSexualityWoman PowerWoman Power: Transform Your Man
IconA 44 year-old woman filed a complaint about her doctor after a tense consultation with him in 2009 in New Zealand.' The doctor said "effing" three times to the woman after she told him she didn't like the word "diet," and preferred he use the term "lifestyle."' He insisted that she needed to go on an "effing" diet.' According to the woman, the doctor told her that if she couldn't handle the word "diet," then he challenged her motivation and stated that she would never survive gastric bypass surgery because she was still "bullxxxxing" herself and therefore her thinking was still "effed."The physician, fed up with her, scratched her name from the gastric bypass waiting list.New Zealand's Health and Disability Commissioner said the doctor, who completely admitted using bad language, was reprimanded for being unprofessional and insulting.The doctor WAS unprofessional and insulting AND completely correct!' When people move less and eat more and want magical means to become physically normal and healthy, it does frustrate and exhaust the patience of people who are there to help.' This doctor could just have been having a bad day, but I think it is more likely that he was just tired of the wordplay and mind games of those who simply don't display self-discipline or take serious responsibility for their condition (but who expect respect as though their condition was out of their control - when it is definitely NOT).The doctor should have been reprimanded, but so should this patient! More >>

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