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marriage
05/13/2010
IconMy, my, my.' My comments last week on why many men stray from their marriage vows generated more email to me than any one thing I've said in years.' 85% of the letters I received were wonderfully appreciative and supportive of what I said.' Men and women alike "got" what I was saying and acknowledged the need for husbands and wives to share the responsibility for the health of their marriages.'One wrote "After seeing you on The Today Show, I asked myself, 'Am I the kind of wife my husband wants to come home to?'' I look at each day as an opportunity to honor him.' Thank you for challenging me to have the courage to change.' My husband will never go a day without knowing his wife needs, loves and respects him." Another person emailed me because my comments motivated her to look at her own issues with the overall concept of personal responsibility.' This young woman wrote that she was motivated by my comments to stop her methamphetamine addiction: "I have chosen to quit.' Once you stop feeling like such a victim to some inanimate object (the pipe does not jump into your mouth on its own) you realize your power over it." Other folks, though, seemed absolutely apoplectic over my point of view that people need to take responsibility for their lives and their relationships.'Clearly this is the crux of the problem in this country.' The concept of promoting personal responsibility in a society that encourages victims to stay victims and glamorizes the bad behavior of celebrities and politicians seems to be a hot button that makes some folks' heads explode.' People tend to hold on to their anger, hurt and depression, especially if they don't have the tools they need to break out of the cycle of personal self-destruction.That's why I wrote Stop Whining, Start Living .' I wrote it because I wanted to help people enjoy their lives more and be more content inside themselves.' None of us can do that if we persist in the self-defeating notion that we are victims... that only leads to complaining and not LIVING.This book is not for people who want to embrace their problems - it's for people who want to solve them and move on to a more productive and happy life.' If you want to feel more in control of your situations in families, neighborhoods, jobs, etc., then you first have to look inside yourself and see what YOU are doing that you shouldn't be... or what you are NOT doing that you should be!' This is where the power to change everything comes in.Some people won't ever do this.' They hold on to sadness, victimhood and complaints.' But those who read Stop Whining with an open heart and mind will find the keys - through other people's real experiences and stories - to make their life easier and more pleasurable; to improve their lives as husbands, wives, parents, and friends, and to discover the joy of being an evolved human being.Getting letters and calls from people who have taken my advice to stop whining and turn themselves into productive members of society is all the inspiration I need to keep on keeping on.' That's what puts the smile on my face. Book signing tonight in Costa Mesa, California: And if you want to see me really smile and you live in L.A. or Orange County, come on down tonight to the Barnes and Noble at the Metro Pointe Mall in Costa Mesa at 7pm.' I'll be signing copies of the aforementioned new book, Stop Whining, Start Living for all of you who embrace your own personal responsibility. More >>

Tags: ChildrenMarriageMorals, Ethics, ValuesParentingPersonal ResponsibilityValues
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05/13/2010
IconMay your blessings outnumberThe shamrocks that grow,And may trouble avoid youWherever you go.'''''''''''''''' -- Irish blessingHappy St. Patrick's Day! More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconAbout two months ago, my publisher, Harper Collins, called me up to tell me that The Today Show wanted to interview me in the 8AM hour on Tuesday, March 11, the day that my new book, Stop Whining, Start Living was going to be published.' I said, "Great!"Last week, I did the "pre-interview" with one of their producers, and they called me back to say they wanted to have my interview go for two segments.' I said "Even better!"Then, at 4PM on Monday, March 10, they called up and asked if I would also participate in a "panel" segment entitled "Why Men Cheat."' I went "uh oh."I hate doing panels.' I hate all the talking heads shouting over each other.' And I feared they would end up asking about tabloid gossip and not the real topic, but they reaffirmed that they really wanted to hear my opinion about "Why Men Cheat."So, silly me, on I went.' Meredith Vieira asked the three panelists, "Why do men cheat?"' Panelist' #1 said that the legacy of promiscuous cavemen has created an evolutionary tendency toward infidelity among today's men.'' Hmmm.Panelist #2 said something to the effect that men often cheat because they are missing something physically, mentally or emotionally in their relationship with someone.' Who might be responsible for this missing "something" was not specifically mentioned.' Hmm....could it be the wife?' The boss?' Co-workers?So Panelist #3 (that's me) responded: "Men need validation.' When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman.' And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he's very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs.' And these days women don't spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need." Maybe I should have had a sign around my neck that said I was not talking specifically about the governor of New York's current alleged problems with money transfers and a $5,000 an hour call-girl ring.' Certainly a man who won the governorship of the second largest state in the nation does not sound like a man who needs validation to feel like a success.' I was answering the question asked:' "Why do men cheat?"Suddenly, the topic WAS about the New York governor.' To my utter amazement, Panelist #1 proclaimed that the New York governor's high cheekbones and protuberant eyebrows indicated high levels of testosterone which would be a strong indicator of infidelity.Panelist #2 said that, speaking of testosterone, highly testosteroned people tend not to worry as much about the consequences of the risks they take.' (I guess that explains the use of steroids in baseball).Ms. Vieira then asked why a man of such power as the New York governor would risk everything to carry on a tawdry relationship.' Note: This was the first time that Ms. Vieira referred to the governor in any way in the entire segment.' Panelist #3 (that's me!) responded: "When a person is in a high position of power, especially a man, there is a sense of entitlement and a sense of being...above the law because of the importance of what they do -' because of the importance of who they are." Since that fleeting moment, I have been accused of the most heinous of crimes (apparently far worse than the foibles of politicians and celebrities):' giving my opinion and advice. According to The New York Times, Meredith Vieira was "aghast" at my comments.' In the 10 am hour, Ann Curry tried to take me to task for "things that were said about the governor."' Wrong!' And finally the renowned News Team at The Huffington Post proclaimed "Dr. Laura Blames Spitzer's Wife".In three segments over 2 hours I never made a comment about the Governor's wife.' And my only direct comment about the Governor was that powerful men sometimes feel an unwarranted sense of entitlement.' I answered the question they asked, not the question I've been accused of answering.Now here's the good news.' Thank goodness I had bought a new outfit for the program, and I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning, or else I might have gotten a little ticked off that my words were so ludicrously taken out of context.If you don't believe me, feel free to go to the videotape ( click here ).' And don't whine for me.' I'm having a great time in New York - good friends, good restaurants, and almost-Spring weather.On a more serious note:' The stories that we see on the news and the Internet 24/7 indicate an epidemic of dysfunctionality in America in the relationships of the powerful, talented, and merely famous.' The sad part is it is only the tip of the iceberg in our society.' And sadder still is knowing that so many children are being hurt by these problems. More >>

Tags: AdulteryInfidelityInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMarriage
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05/13/2010
IconGood, honest, hardheaded character is a function of the home.' If the proper seed is sown there and properly nourished for a few years, it will not be easy for that plant to be uprooted. -- George A. Dorsey, anthropologist More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
Icon"The family is one of nature's masterpieces." -- George Santayana, The Life of Reason More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconSince today is George Washington's actual birthday, I thought it appropriate to hear from him this week: Happiness and moral duty are inseparably connected. -'George Washington More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconA word to the wise...keep your love notes sincere, or you'll end up on the Internet looking like this: To Mary, the love of my life:There is nothing I would not do to reach your side.' I would climb the highest mountain!' I would cross the trackless desert!' I would swim the widest ocean to be near you, my beloved. With love and tenderness, JonathanP.S.' See you Saturday night, if it doesn't rain. More >>

Tags: EducationFamily/Relationships - FamilyMarriageQuote of the WeekRelationshipsRelatives
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05/13/2010
IconOn Valentine's Day, I thought it was appropriate to share with you this email from Kathi, one of the listeners to my radio program. My husband and I have been married for 16 years.' We have one natural child, a boy, 13, and are caring for five others my mom adopted (my mom is a widow). At the end of last year, my husband was in a motorcycle accident.' He was intubated for three very long days, and hospitalized for seven.' During his silence, I realized a few things: 1. I knew if he never spoke to me again, he loved me and I knew he knew I loved him.2. I already appreciated him and loved him and cared for him as I should.3. The reason he was such a wonderful husband was because I treated him as I should and, in return, have always felt and been very loved. As he lay in the hospital bed and couldn't speak to me, I realized how much I missed the text messages and the two or three phone calls a day I would get from him, the tap on my rear when I was cooking and he came into the kitchen, and him standing at the door when he comes home every day and we give each other a kiss.' I just wanted to hear him say "I love you," and when he did it, it was more precious than the day we married. I was there every day, of course, and would cry each night when I had to leave him.' I was able to bring him home two days before Thanksgiving, and then continued to care for him for eight more weeks.' I told everyone I was having an 8 week-long vacation with my best friend.' I would take him to doctor visits and to physical therapy.' One of the therapists couldn't believe I had such a positive attitude, and had such a loving environment in my home.' She had expected to see an exhausted woman and an unclean, unshaven "un-helped" man like she usually saw.' Instead, I was positive and happy and had helped my husband shower and shave and get dressed like I did each morning since the accident.' It seemed the natural thing to do. In his times of depression, I encouraged him; in his tears, I comforted him, and now I have released him back into the world fully recovered.' He frequently gets down on his knees and holds my hands and looks me in the eyes, and says "I love you and I trust you with my life."' He often asked me why I did all this for him.' I looked at him and told him "because I love you and know you would do it for me." I have never read one of your books, but have always agreed with you.' I guess the beautiful examples of the proper care and feeding of husbands I had in my life taught me all the things you are trying to teach each caller now.' I hope I am as good an example to my children.' I hope this letter causes someone to appreciate their "best friend" even more.' Thank you for all you do. Kathi More >>

Tags: MarriageSex
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05/13/2010
IconListener Leslie wrote: It's almost Valentine's Day, so I wanted to tell you about my sweet husband.' We have been married for over two years, and are now hoping to adopt a baby (you wouldn't believe how long and tedious this process is, but we know it will be worth it!).' He has always supported my decision to be a stay-at-home mother, and we've been saving and planning for two years. Two weeks ago, after a long day at my stressful job, I came home crying.' My wonderful husband told me to quit my job, stay home, and relax so that I am 100% ready to be a mother. Oh, Dr. Laura, what a relief!' Tomorrow is my last day at this job, and every morning for the last two weeks, I have made my husband lunch, and my job is now to make our dollars go as far as possible.' Every night, he has come home to a happy wife, a hug, an "I love you," and a hot meal.' Oh, how he beams! We may not yet have a baby, but I can already say that my husband is his kid's dad, and I am proud to be his wife. More >>

Tags: MarriageParentingSexStay-at-Home MomStay-At-Home-Moms
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05/13/2010
IconI sometimes hear from people who think I'm too harsh on my callers.' There are many reasons for the way I deal with someone who calls my program, but my particular approach is always in direct response to what I intuit from the callers themselves.'' Here's an email I got from Morgan, who titled her correspondence "Thanks For Your Advice and for TEARING Into Me!" I called you the other day, and was shocked to hear you for real in my ear!' My question was about why I was complaining about my fianc' a lot lately.' My complaints were about his extra weight, being quiet on road trips, an, lately, his constant wearing of a baseball hat!' You listened PATIENTLY to what I was nagging about, and then you truly laid into me...and well, I really needed it! You told me that I wasn't marrying myself, and if I wanted to be with someone exactly like me, well, marry myself (ha!), but not stay and complain.' You also stated that I was comparing him to me, and that wasn't helpful.' He is his own man - a quiet, baseball hat-wearing man.' Then you said that I should thank him for putting up with me for so long. It is really interesting to me that I have always prided myself on treating others the way I wish to be treated-- my students, my colleagues, my friend--but that I had been treating my own fianc' in a negative, terrible and condescending manner, instead of thanking him every day for coming into my life.' He is the most gentle, generous and loyal person I know, and the truth is I have been feeling crappy about myself and projecting that onto him. Well, I went home and re-read "Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives," and got to the part that asks the reader to think about whether they would want their future daughter to be dating their partner.' It really sunk in.I'd love it if my future daughter would be dating someone like my fianc', but I don't think I'd want my future son dating someone like I have been lately! Good wake-up call for me, Dr. Laura.' I've listened to you for eight years.' You are a true voice of reason, morality, and plain common sense in my head! More >>

Tags: CharityDatingInternet-MediaInternet/MediaMarriageMen's Point of ViewValuesWomen's Point of View
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