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Keep a Healthy Mind and Stay Fit During Holidays By Jodie Lynn If you are wondering how to keep a healthy heart and stay fit during the holidays, avoid gaining weight and nine hundred other traps during this busy, but loaded down with obligations and food season, join the crowd. Millions of people will either crash on their current healthy eating habits or worse #150; chalk weight gain up to the season or totally give up. Keep Honest Records If you are counting calories and carbs, good luck. The easiest way to go is to keep a daily record, an actual journal, of what you eat. This is not the time to try and starve and then binge. In fact, yo-yo dieting is not only bad for your heart but also for your entire chemical and emotional make-up. Keep honest records and when you do allow yourself a day to nibble on holiday treats, do so without too much guilt. Eat A Little of What You Want Try to eat as healthily as possible and munch on holiday treats in small quantities. Did you notice I did not say to avoid holiday meals or treats? If you try to avoid them, you will regret it. This is always a good rule of thumb. Eat healthily for six days, and then eat one or two items, holiday snacks or deserts on the seventh. Alternatively, consume a small piece of chocolate, Carmel or whatever is your most loved flavor of candy every other day during the six days. Of course, you do know that chocolate has been proven to be good for your heart -- right? Keep Your Stress Level Low The new saying, "Stress Can Make You Fat," is not new at all. (Where do people come up with these things?). Just like over half of the population, anytime I am stressed, I eat and/or drink. It#146;s a well-known fact that the more calories you consume, the more weight you will gain -- unless you double your exercise level. Try to organize things early: food, recipes, gift buying and wrapping, party, inside and outside decorations, cards, travel arrangements for guests or for your own family, etc. Don#146;t forget not to schedule school plays and other social events too close together and try to buy any formal wear ahead of time. Keeping your stress level as low as possible is a must during the holiday season and although it is sometimes hard, try to keep your regular work out schedule as normal as you can to stay fit. Don#146;t Over Schedule If something should happen and the best well-laid plans fall through, think positively about the situation. Some people will spend hours trying to figure out what it was that they did to upset someone. Schedules get crazy during the holidays and things will get mixed up or forgotten. Go with the flow and do the best you can with schedules, kids, climate and relatives. Don#146;t over schedule and sometimes that means having to say no and feeling OK about it. Do it and don't feel guilty! Stay Organized Having a daily checklist is probably the easiest way to stay organized. There are plenty of great planners out there that will include a side panel or space on the same page of each day. Write down your appointments and lists in pencil, in case it needs to be rescheduled and refer to it often. Share events that affect the whole family with everyone at a family meeting. Before the holidays get too close, try to begin to make healthy meals and deserts. Try them out on family members, neighbors and/or the local homeless shelters. This way, you can get feedback as to whether or not the new recipe is actually good or something you might want to pass on for now. For those that make the cut, cook or bake them early, and freeze baby #150; freeze! Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family/health columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press . (It's not just for moms!) Check out our new Mom, CEO (Chief Everywhere Officer) merchandise. See ParentToParent.com for more details. copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Not the Best Table Manners By Jodie Lynn "Eat your spinach with a toothpick!" shouted 13-year-old Nat. "Yeah, right," sighed his Dad. "What's going on?" I asked in a stunned voice. "Not much," said my husband. "I gave the kids an opportunity to show me what they#146;ve learned over the years and to check out how they might respond during the holiday meals and parties - or any old time. And, this is what I get!" Don't lose your cool - enhance children's talents and knowledge of becoming a real person with a learning game. Kids have a tendency to listen and learn when parents or teachers make a game out of it! Try this fun opposite game. Sit down at the next meal and tell the kids you have some Opposite Rules and watch the fun and valued lessons begin. WARNING: Be prepared for much silliness -- and a gross show of "mouth food" and comments. With this in mind, serve up nonmessy dishes and have fun! "Opposite Etiquette" Never wash your hands before sitting down to eat. Always talk while another person is talking. Cough without covering your mouth. Always take the last piece of bread or roll before asking if someone else would like it. Never excuse yourself from the table to blow your nose. Always let others see the contents of food in your mouth while speaking. Never cut your meat into small pieces -- eat the whole thing right off the fork! Try not to burp quietly and don't say, "excuse me." Always tell the cook the meal stunk! Never eat only one dessert. At school, family dinner table, holiday parties or dining out, always grab your friend's food and throw it into the air. Always switch food with the person sitting at your left, right or straight across; then switch back after taking two bites. Grab your food and run outside - never to even swallow the first bite before you shout, "It's yucky, gross and basically stinks!" Are you wondering if this will really work to help curtail rude crude behavior? While there are no guarantees in life (especially with kids) this is a great and fun game if you can stomach your children sharing highly outrageous comments at the table. Of course you know they are just trying to get the "raised eyebrow" response from you - don't you? Parent Tip: Sometimes when they are trying to gross you out, get gross back. (Did I say that?) Of course, all of us smart parents know they are really learning the correct way of table manners from every single disgusting example they will be sharing with us. They know it too - but for now - let them have fun and act a little disgusting (only at home - ya know). Jodie Lynn is an internationally syndicated parenting/family columnist. Her latest paperback book is Mommy-CEO, revised edition, Martin-Ola Press . (It's not just for moms!) -- check out her new e-book, "Syndication Secrets" at ParentToParent.com for more details. We now have new Mommy, CEO merchandise and logo! copy;2004 Jodie Lynn. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Moms: Make It A Merry Christmas For YOU and Your Family Christmas can and should be a special time that the whole family looks forward to enjoying together. It#146;s what will keep your children coming back. If this isn#146;t the case, its time for you to change things this year. The first thing to change is YOUR attitude. It#146;s sets the tone for the rest of your family. So, create a tradition that you and the whole family will enjoy. If there#146;s nothing you can do about the dinner menu at your mother-in-laws with relatives you can#146;t stand -- there are still ways to weave in fun. This year make yours one that everyone will warmly remember. Here#146;s how: Embrace the holiday: Decorate your house if you haven#146;t already. These do not have to be elaborate purchases. Some of the best are homemade. Have your children get intimately involved with the process. Talk about it at the dinner table. Ask them for suggestions. Follow through with a few. Choose a couple of things they can do all on their own -- and let go! You can rearrange them later, when they are out of the house. The only thing you want them to remember#133;is being with you and your words of encouragement. Otherwise, they#146;ll never want to do it again. Turn the dreaded event (if it is one) into a delight: Life is what YOU make it. Here are some tips: Get a new outfit. Do your hair differently. Polish your nails. Focus your attention on those you enjoy. Bring a new activity, dessert or pictures to share. Remember -- it#146;s more than a one-day holiday: You can#146;t blame a bad holiday on one day out of the season. Half a day is typically dedicated to the Christmas celebration. The other days you can and should fill with fun activities for the whole family. These will be the times your family will remember. Put aside at least one hour each day for a family activity. Here are suggestions: Make a special breakfast one morning. Go on a hike. Go Christmas shopping Play in the snow. Rent a movie everyone can watch. One night, set the dinner table in a different room, or in a way that you don#146;t normally. Decorate Christmas cookies. Play a board game or cards together. Make hot apple cider Suggest family activities that YOU enjoy. If you don#146;t enjoy them, know one else will either. When you are happy, everyone is happy. No matter how hard you try and hide it, your children will sense your displeasure. And the chance for it becoming a tradition will be slim to none. Have your husband choose a family activity #150; one that he enjoys. If the activity your husband chooses is something you really don#146;t enjoy, encourage him to take the children. Stay home and pamper yourself while they are gone. Take a bath. Read. Listen to music. Take a walk. Call a friend or relative. Before they return, set out a simple surprise for them to find! Reduce stress by planning ahead: The weekend before, make sure your children#146;s Christmas dinner clothes are clean#133;and still fit. Then, set them aside so that you don#146;t have to hunt for the parts all over again at the last minute. If the #147;feast#148; is at your house, do everything that could possibly be done ahead of time -- the weekend prior. Simplify; Don#146;t try to make everything perfect. If you do, you#146;ll make everyone --including yourself, miserable. This is the biggest trap even the best of mothers fall into. Do everything you can NOT to #147;lose it#148; because if you do, you#146;ll lose everything you hoped to accomplish. Turn tasks into treats; If you are responsible for Christmas dinner, enlist the help of the whole family. With the proper approach, this too can turn into a fun family tradition. First, give everyone fair warning: #147;Tomorrow we#146;re going to begin to prepare Christmas dinner.#148; Then, plan a family reward that follows. #147;We#146;re going to spend the next hour preparing for Christmas dinner, so that we can all sit down together and watch the movie we rented.#148; Everyone should have a chore. Let them choose one to call their own. #147;Who wants to chop celery?#148; Even the littlest of hands should have a task #150; breaking the ends off the beans, for example, or folding napkins in half. Again, it doesn#146;t have to be perfect. Fix it later. If there is an argument about who gets which chore, let them settle it. Simply say #147;You two decide, or do them both together.#148; These times together invite conversation and are an invaluable investment in the future. We have so much to be thankful for, don#146;t let the mundane tasks of maintaining a house inhibit you from appreciating it. Don#146;t let the challenges of childrearing numb your feelings and blind you from seeing the #147;good#148; in your children. Celebrate every day! Merry Christmas! #150;Ann Brazil, creator of the award-winning TimeOut Tot, The Behavior Coach ( www.timeouttot.com ) To learn more about Ann and TimeOut Tot, go to www.timeouttot.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Eight Things Women Can Do to Get Fathers More Involved By Armin Brott Author of The New Father and The Expectant Father About 90 percent of couples experience an increase in stress after their children are born. And the number one stressor, by far, is the division of labor in the home. Unfortunately, even the most egalitarian couples tend to slip into traditional roles, which mean that you#146;ll probably end up doing more of the housework and childcare than your partner. Research shows that the more equitably domestic tasks are distributed, the happier wives (and husbands) are with their marriages. So resolving these issues may be critical to the health and success of your relationship. How are you going to do it? Well, if your goal is to make the division of labor around your house fairer to you, take a deep breath and read on. Look at it from his perspective Researchers have found that women tend to measure what their husbands do around the house against what they do. Not surprisingly, on that kind of scale, most men fail miserably. Men themselves, though, compare what they do to what their fathers#151;and sometimes even against their male friends and coworkers#151;do. Using this standard, most husbands feel pretty satisfied with themselves and their contributions around the house. Don#146;t ask for help Just as men need to re-think their family roles as "assistants" to mothers, women need to change their ideas about what's reasonable to expect from their partners. Asking him for #147;help#148; only reinforces the view that he shouldn#146;t have much responsibility for the care and management of children. Of course, that doesn#146;t mean you shouldn#146;t ask him to do his share, of course he should. Asking for #147;help#148; makes it seem like whatever he's "helping" with is really your job and that you should be grateful. Adjust your standards Let's face it, men and women often have very different standards. "When my husband says the kitchen is clean he means that the dishes are in the dishwasher," says one mother. "The counter can still be filthy and the floor can still be covered with dirt." Adjusting your standards to his level doesn't mean that the kids will be wearing the same clothes every day. Also, there are a lot of different ways to change diapers, play, teach, and entertain the children. Yours isn't always the right one. The fact is that if you adjust your standards, your husband will be more involved in the household and with the kids. No child ever suffered a long term trauma by having her diaper put on a bit looser than it should be or by going out of the house with oatmeal stuck in her hair. It's hard to shift standards because for many women attention to domestic issues is part of their upbringing and part of they define themselves. Go on strike The days of the "second shift" where women try to do it all#151;work outside all day and do all the work at home, too#151;are over. Let your spouse or partner know that you have limits. A well-timed "your arm's not broken, do it yourself" may occasionally be a helpful reminder that men and women are partners in parenting. Because you may begin to notice the unswept coffee grounds before he does, one of your biggest challenges may be to close your eyes to the mess and stick to your guns. Your partner will certainly get the message when he runs out of clean underwear. But if he senses that you#146;ll give in before he does, he#146;ll never learn to do his part. Be (a little) insincere As a group, men generally dislike doing things that make them feel incompetent. At the same time, they#146;re suckers for compliments. So, one of the best ways to get your partner to do something he doesn#146;t like to do is to praise him even when you know you could do it better. Television characters from Lucy Ricardo to Roseanne Conner figured this out long ago, and the same applies in real life: sweet-talk soothes; nagging only irritates. Tell him what a great job he's doing already and ask him to do the same thing again. Indirect compliments are effective too#151;let him hear you raving to a friend about how well he#146;s done some recent task. Sound manipulative? Maybe but it works. The more he feels that you#146;re noticing and appreciating his efforts, the more he#146;ll do. Guaranteed. Don't be a gatekeeper Many women tend to take charge of the household and childcare domains because this is the one arena that they can still control. But far too many women are so intent on keeping control of the household that they don't leave enough space for their partners to participate. For other women, control is not the issue, they just assume that men are either uninterested or incompetent. And men get the message: many find it easier to just back off. Your partner is part of the first generation of fathers to be seriously expected to take an active role in the home. By the time women become mothers, most have had years of subtle (or not so subtle) training. Female role models are plentiful, as are resources, from women's magazines to breastfeeding guides. But good male role models are rare, as is information specifically designed to help men prepare for fatherhood. The moral of the story? Even if you know how to stop the baby from crying, let your partner try to figure it out for himself before jumping in. Men and women have different approaches to the same issue and fathers need the confidence that only comes with practice. Letting him develop his own parenting style will also give your family twice as many baby-care options. Especially after divorce, mothers need to open the gates and let their children have access to their fathers. It is important to remember that they may be ex-husbands but they'll never be ex-fathers. Share and share alike No single job in your home is any more valuable than any other, so assign everything to the most qualified person#151;unless, of course, that turns out to be completely unfair. So make a list of everything that needs to get done. If you#146;re good at something or like to do it, it#146;s yours. (At the same time, your partner gets to do his chores his way.) Another option is to assign tasks to whichever of you cares the most. If a scummy bathtub bugs you more than it does him, clean it yourself. If he hates crumbs on the carpet, he gets to vacuum. Problems can arise, though, when one of you says, #147;Gee honey, nothing bothers me,#148; and the other gets stuck doing it all. These situations call for careful negotiation. You can do the more unpleasant jobs together or, if the budget permits, hire someone to do them for you. And just to make sure that everyone gets to have fun, switch responsibilities once in a while (if for no other reason than to get a better appreciation of what the other does). And be willing to bend gender stereotypes along with your partner. If you expect him to plan a meal and cook it, you should be prepared to unclog the toilet or change the oil in the car. Re-define work When dividing up responsibilities many couples have trouble defining what, exactly, the term "work" means. In many families, for example, couples err by neglecting to give parenting the same weight as ordinary chores. Yet childcare takes at least as much time, and may be just as tiring, as shopping and mopping. So even if your partner is wrestling with the baby while you're making dinner, things might not be as unequal as they seem. True, he may be having more fun but somebody has to do it. And if he plays with the baby today, he can fix dinner tomorrow while you wrestle. The New Man may strike you as a great idea. But the Old Man has been around for tens of thousands of years, and he#146;s not going to disappear overnight. Even in these relatively enlightened times much of the domestic burden is going to continue to fall on you. But not all of it, and not all the time. You may need to give your expectations a reality check. Change between you and your partner may be slow. But if you work it out, you#146;ll see significant improvement#151;in your workload, in the quality of your marriage, and in your life together as parents. A nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott is the author of Father for Life, The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be; The New Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to the First Year, A Dad#146;s Guide to the Toddler Years, Throwaway Dads , and The Single Father: A Dad#146;s Guide to Parenting without a Partner . He has written on parenting and fatherhood for the New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of other periodicals. He also hosts #147;Positive Parenting#148;, a nationally distributed, weekly talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland, California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

How to Discourage Materialism By Dr. Michele Borba www.behaviormakeovers.com . What to expect in the early grade-school years During the early grade-school years, children grow more interested in the material world than they were back in kindergarten. Of course, at any age, kids vary widely in their acquisitiveness depending on how strongly materialism is emphasized at home, whether through exposure to TV or by older siblings or parents themselves. But, in general, many 6- to 8-year-olds are motivated by a combination of a young child's basic greed for fun toys, an increasing awareness of what other kids have, and the desire to fit in by having the same things themselves. After birthdays and holidays, the question shifts from "What did you do?" to "What did you get?" And a more sensitive child may start struggling with feelings of shame if his friends tease him because he's the only one in class wearing anonymous discount-store sneakers. Here are some ways to discourage materialism. What You Can Do: Set a good example. At this age, kids still look up to their parents more than to their peers, so you're the best role model for helping your child cope with our complicated material world. If you want to discourage him from developing an insatiable appetite for possessions, let him see you behaving with restraint and wisdom. Take him along to the shoe-repair shop, and explain why it's worth re-heeling your favorite shoes instead of buying new ones (you save money, and besides, your old shoes are so comfy). Don't let mail-order catalogues take up all your reading time, and comment that while you like his aunt's new SUV, your 6-year-old station wagon still runs just fine. Enjoy window-shopping together without buying anything to show that while it's fun to look at store displays and gather ideas for gifts and other purchases, you don't need to buy something every time you go to a store. But save the lecture: A few off-hand comments explaining your views will get the message across. Turn off the TV. From cereal boxes to Saturday morning cartoons to clothing emblazoned with store names and Disney characters, advertising is everywhere in our culture. But television probably wields the greatest influence on children, who watch commercials as avidly as they watch programs. Kids also make up a huge portion of consumer spending, as buyers themselves and as forces affecting their parents' buying decisions. In fact, according to James McNeal at Texas AM University, last year alone America's 27 million kids, ages 8 to 14, spent more than $14 billion. Toy company executives know this, and they advertise relentlessly during children's programs. Limit your child's exposure to TV commercials, and he'll be less likely to develop a lengthy wish list. Children's public television, while it's not strictly commercial-free, offers quality programs with much less advertising. Don't fulfill every request. Children who get everything they ask for don't learn to handle disappointment, and they don't learn to work #151; or even just wait #151; for things they desire. Do yourself and your child a favor by saying no to unending requests, even if that provokes tantrums in the toy store at first. Enlist the aid of friends and grandparents #151; who often delight in "spoiling" your child #151; by suggesting they buy only one gift at birthdays or holidays, instead of half a dozen. Teach your child about money. Grade-schoolers can learn about the value of possessions by paying for them themselves. Giving your child an allowance provides him with cash and you with the opportunity to teach him how to use it. His cries of "Oh, I want that!" at the store can be met with, "That costs five dollars. Do you have enough of your own money to pay for it?" If you want to institute spending rules, set them up right away so he knows from the start that, for example, half of his money should go into savings and half is his to spend as he chooses. At this age, children should also understand that some expenditures #151; like groceries and rent or mortgage payments #151; are necessities, while others #151; like yet another Game Boy cassette #151; are optional. When he whines, "But I want a new scooter!" you can respond sympathetically, "I understand that you want it," but then explain why he doesn't truly need it: "You already have a good scooter, and they're too expensive to collect." This teaches him that there are logical reasons behind purchasing decisions. It's wise to avoid bringing adult feelings of failure or resentment into the conversation. Teach him to prioritize. If holidays or birthdays are coming up and your child is expecting lots of presents, give him some paper and ask him to make a list (or draw pictures) of the three things he most wants and then number them in order of importance. Tell your child, "Before your birthday arrives, let's clean out your closet so you've got room. We'll give away some of your old toys." If he helps you deliver a box of his toys to a charity, he'll be learning about empathy and generosity. But he may also get to thinking about how much he really wants lots of new toys if it means getting rid of old favorites. Delay gratification. Teach your grade-schooler to think seriously about whether he really wants that new video game by making him wait for it. Have him write down or draw a picture of the item he wants and post it on the fridge along with a timeline of days #151; one or two weeks, say #151; until the date that he can go out and buy it with you. He can check off the days every morning. Finally getting it will be a much-anticipated treat, but if he loses interest before the time is up, even he will probably agree that he didn't really want yet another game after all. Show an appreciation for the deeper value of things. Your child can learn that you prize objects not for how costly or trendy they are but for their inherent quality or sentimental value. "This is a good skateboard because it's so sturdy," you can point out. Or "This chair means a lot to me because it was Grandma's when she was little." Your child may not begin to adopt your reasoning right away, but over time he'll see that popularity and high price tags aren't the only factors that make objects beloved, and that quality is better than quantity. Find out what's fueling his desire. Sometimes kids (and adults) crave possessions to fulfill an emotional need. If you notice that your son, who never used to care about games as much as his friends did, suddenly wants a PlayStation 2, talk with him about why that toy is appealing. If the answer is just that his two best friends both have one, you can have a simple conversation about the fact that it's okay to like different toys than the rest of the crowd. Or help him figure out whether he's afraid his friends won't like him if he doesn't have the same games they do. Show how to give to others. Expose children to altruistic activities. The real opposite of materialism is spirituality. Try to do something with your child that's focused on giving to others in a way that he can see. Take him with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. That kind of activity can foster an attitude that will help counter materialism more powerfully than almost anything else. Spend time rather than money on your kids. It's not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that's the best way to ward off the "gimmes." If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and Nintendo. So try not to give your child things as a substitute for spending time with him. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don't cost anything #151; go to the soccer field and the library, take nature walks and bike rides, play a game of charades. No matter what your child says, he wants #151; and needs #151; a secure sense of family more than a roomful of possessions. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned educational consultant and recipient of the National Educator Award. She is the author of 19 books including Building Moral Intelligence (Jossey-Bass) chosen by Publishers#146; Weekly#146;s list of #147;most noteworthy for 2001.#148; Her latest book is Don't Give Me That Attitude! 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them . (Jossey Bass, 2004). (Her proposal to end school violence was passed in California law in 2003:SB1667). For more information about her work, check out www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>

The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong By Dr. Michele Borba So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline. Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong. Common discipline mistakes: Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts. Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own. Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful. No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues. Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Start Planning For The Holidays, Now! By Shelly Burke, RN, author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home www.homeiswherethemomis.com The holidays will be here before you know it. Start planning now to save money, time, and your sanity. To save money: Re-think gift giving. Consider giving just one gift, or a basket of small related gifts, to each person. Or maybe you#146;ll decide to draw names within your family, so you just have one person to buy for. Challenge everyone to re-gift something they have, but do not use or enjoy or are done with (for example, a CD that#146;s not in their taste, a book they#146;ve read, or a sweater that doesn#146;t fit). Or, give only home-made gifts like cookies or craft projects. Make a master list of all the ingredients you#146;ll need for holiday baking and meals, and begin stocking up on the non-perishable items when they#146;re on sale. Also list everything else you#146;ll need--candles, cards, lights, etc.,--and get them when they#146;re on sale. Or, purchase one or two things every time you shop to prevent sticker shock if you get them all at once. To save time: Make a timeline for holiday projects. Pick a date when you want to be done with Christmas projects (make it at least a few days early so you have time just to enjoy the season), and work backward. Plan when you#146;ll start sending cards, baking cookies, purchasing gifts, and making craft projects. To save time when gift giving, start now! Make a goal of purchasing one gift each time you shop. Or, make a detailed list of what you#146;re looking for and take a day during the week so the stores are less crowded, and get all of your shopping done at once. Make your appointment to have your hair cut or nails done, now, so you get a time that fits into your schedule. Time slots close to holidays fill up early. To save your sanity: Think about what is important to you and your family. It#146;s OK to change traditions if they cause more stress than joy! Instead of serving a huge meal to friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and family members, invite only people to whom you are very close. Ask them each to bring their favorite appetizer or dessert so you don#145;t have to cook as much. It#146;s OK to do less! Decorate just one room, rather than going all out and decorating the whole house, inside and out. Instead of making homemade cards and sending them to people you haven#146;t seen or heard from in years, just send a printed letter to close friends. Be sure to take time to take care of yourself--exercise, get plenty of rest, and so on. Commit to taking care of your own health, and establish habits now so you you#146;ll want to continue them all year. Start now, and you#146;ll enjoy the holidays more than ever! Shelly Burke, RN, is the author of Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom#146;s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home . Read an excerpt, or download a FREE goal sheet and goal-making guide, at www.homeiswherethemomis.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The 7 Biggest Discipline Mistakes: A Primer for Puzzled Parents You May be Surprised to Discover What You#146;re Doing Wrong By Dr. Michele Borba www.behaviormakeovers.com So you#146;re trying to make your child quit bullying#151;or lying or cheating or defying you or #147;taking back#148;#151;and you#146;re having little success. You#146;ve tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you#146;re at your wit#146;s end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline. Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids#146; bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you#146;re doing wrong#151;and why it#146;s wrong. Common discipline mistakes: Thinking #147;It#146;s just a phase.#148; Bad behaviors don#146;t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don#146;t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts. Being a poor behavior model. Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids#146; behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid#146;s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own. Not targeting the bad behavior. It#146;s best to work on improving only one#151;and never more than two#151;behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don#146;t say, #147;He#146;s not behaving.#148; Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: #147;He#146;s talking back.#148; And makeover will be more successful. No plan to stop the bad behavior. Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid#146;s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues. Not teaching a substitute behavior. No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior. Going alone. Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers#151;be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters#151;then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you#146;ll be in stopping the problem behavior. Not sticking to the plan long enough. Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty#150;one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change. Michele Borba, Ed.D. is the author of #147;No More Misbehavin#146;: 38 Difficult Behaviors and How to Stop Them,#148; now available in paperback from Jossey-Bass in books and on-line. She publishes FREE E-newsletters for parents and educators. To sign up for your free subscription and for information on seminars and other publications contact her at www.behaviormakeovers.com . Permission granted for DrLaura.com More >>

The Power Of One Voice: Making a Persuasive Stand At Public Meetings Homebodies By Cheryl Gochnauer Cheryl@homebodies.org Are you irritated by some things being allowed by the administration at your child#146;s school? Uneasy about some choices made by local government officials that make your job as an at-home parent more difficult (like tax increases, zoning decisions and restrictions on home-based businesses)? Speaking up at city council or school board meetings can be intimidating. But fear not; with the right idea and presentation, you can fight City Hall - and win. We asked Missouri state and local activist Lynette Holt to share some tips on making the most of your time at the podium. Q: What kind of ID do I need to be admitted to meetings? A: I have never been asked for any kind of ID. It may be a good idea to take proof of residency, such as a utility bill, in case your motive for speaking is questioned. Q: Is there something special I need to do to be allowed to speak? A: Call a week before the meeting to see what topics will be covered. Ask if they will be taking public comment. Find out how much time you will be allowed, and ask to be put on the agenda. Q: How can I grab and maintain their respectful attention? A: Dress nice. Business casual is a good rule. Be prepared, concise and professional, and do not get overly emotional. Have research to back up your opinion, and use visual aids if you have them. Type up your remarks, along with copies of your research, quotes, etc. and put them in a nice folder cover. Give a copy to each committee member. Include your name and phone number, and invite them to call for further information. Stay until the end of the meeting to talk with as many members as possible. Q: What if things go badly and people start shouting me down? A: Never lose your cool. Do not answer those in the audience who may shout out. Pause and wait for quiet; usually the chair of the meeting will call for order anyway. Then make your argument as compelling as possible. Q: Why is it important for me to make my voice heard? A: Public officials are elected to serve the public, and they want to be re-elected. The only way they know what the public wants is for individuals to speak out. Also, you may encounter others who share your opinion and may be the catalyst for them to speak up, too. Comments? Contact Cheryl or Lynette by writing Cheryl@homebodies.org . Also stop by www.homebodies.org , where you can interact with other parents on a variety of lively message boards. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com More >>