It IS My Kid's Fault! By Mary Simmons, M.A. Author of Discipline Me Right, with Bert Simmons, M. Ed. www.disciplinemeright.com A few Teen Commandments from Discipline Me Right: "Discipline your child and show responsibility." "Thou shall give us consequences for our negligent or irresponsible behavior." "Hold me responsible for my actions." We live in an enabling age.  That is not a good thing. Many parents make it easy for kids to side-step their responsibilities, but, surprisingly, that is not what kids want. It feels good to take responsibility for one's actions, good or bad. Something inherent in human nature wants what is good and right. As I note in my book,  kids want to be good , which means taking responsibility for their failures and negative actions.  A mother allows her teenaged son to turn off his snooze alarm several times until he has only 15 minutes until the first bell at school.  She finally cajoles him into a quick shower, and as she is driving him to school she phones the attendance office to say it is her fault her son will be late, and he will need a pass when he arrives. He walks into 1st period with no consequences and believes it is all right to inconvenience his mother and the school staff, and to disrupt 1st period, all because he wants to sleep in. Enabling parenting: What does it look like?  Enabling parents make excuses for their children's academic failure and bad behavior. They accept marginal and failing grades without penalty. They ignore sloppy work, tardiness, and cheating. Sometimes they condone or encourage cheating. (Some even do their children's homework for them!) Enabling parents say their child failed, or cheated, or punched another kid in the hallway because he was having "family problems." They take the blame for their kid. The result is kids who can't see past their personal circumstances, blame others for their problems, and avoid challenges because they aren't familiar with the satisfaction of succeeding on their merits. Parents are enablers for a few reasons. They feel guilty.  Stop feeling guilty.  Parents feel guilty for being hostile and angry, for divorce, for drinking too much -- any number of things. Parents often try to make up for something painful that happened earlier in their child's life. You cannot make your child's life perfect. You have to forgive yourself for not being perfect.  Your child is here on earth to learn; don't hinder that process . Clean up your act, tell the truth, hold your child accountable, and encourage him or her to do better. Show your child you believe he or she can accomplish something. They don't respect themselves.  Respect yourself and don't allow disrespect . Enabling parents show appalling signs of disrespect toward themselves. They allow themselves to be manipulated by their children and political correctness ("everybody's equal and never at fault"), and they allow themselves to be deluded about what is true and false when it comes to their children's deeds. As a parent you must respect yourself. That means you  do not allow any disrespect toward yourself . It does not mean that you are arrogant, conceited, or concerned about always being right with your child. It does means that you know you are basically a good person and deserve to be treated well. They're afraid.  Stop being afraid . Your child isn't going to stop loving you. Loving you is hard-wired into their system. In fact, they will love and respect you more if you are a person of integrity and hold them accountable for their actions. That means dishing out consequences for destructive and disrespectful behavior. It means taking away privileges if their grades are low. If you're afraid of conflict, then you'll need to think ahead and formulate a plan, anticipate the conflict and know what you'll do if the argument escalates.  Not being afraid means taking charge and doing what you said you will do if your child misbehaves . Assertive, in-charge, self-respecting parents live by these words: I cannot allow you to do anything that is not in your best interest - or mine.  Mary Simmons  is a teacher, parent, and author. Her father,  Bert Simmons , is an educational consultant in the area of school discipline. Together, with the insights of Mary's teenaged students, they have put together a powerful, comprehensive guide to instilling and reinforcing positive, respectful behavior in children.  Discipline Me Right  is available through Amazon.com and your local bookstore. For more parenting tips and information about the book, visit  www.disciplinemeright.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Thank you for speaking about these jerks that don't want to see T shirts with the Greatest American flag worn by somebody else in the 5 de mayo celebrations. More >>

eBay has always meant a lot of things to a lot of people, but it has traditionally been viewed as two separate entities: More >>

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Some callers to my radio program are amazed when I explain that their situation is entirely of their own making, and don't allow them to complain about someone else as the architect of their situation.Sadly, a typical scenario goes like this:' a young woman caller with one or two illegitimate children is shacking up for years and years with a guy who is now out on the dating scene.' (Well, why shouldn't he date?' He's a single man with a consort!).' When the young woman protests that they have a "commitment," I ask "What is the commitment?' Where is it?" There is no commitment involved in unmarried sex or procreation or cohabitation. It's all "free-flowing," which is exactly what both paid for when they signed up to not sign up for any obligation past the feeling of the moment .The truth about females is that we lie to ourselves when we say we can just "hang out" or have "hook-up level" sex and make babies with someone who says "I love you," but ultimately doesn't walk the talk.'We want to nest, settle down, and have someone love us and protect us and provide for us, but we behave in ways that demonstrate massive denial, insecurity, and a kind of pathetic desperation or downright foolishness.None of this makes a woman feel special, put on a pedestal, valued or really loved.' And none of this protects the needs of children.' More and more women of late are intentionally having babies without marriage because, in my opinion, they are not competent to provide love and affection and attention to anything outside themselves, and the feminista women around them applaud the "no men" clause.' This is atrocious, as it undermines society and puts children in the position of no daddy .'None of you should show any support for any woman who makes this choice.' No support.....and lots of negative judgment.' Please. More >>

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A few weeks ago, the news replayed and replayed the hotel surveillance video tape of a scene out of Law and Order.  A woman was attacked by some creep, and a homeless man went to her rescue.  The creep ran away, the woman ran away, and the homeless man lay bleeding to death on the pavement, with at least a dozed people (caught on video) just walking by.  One man turned him over, examined him, and then walked away.  The homeless man died.  He died alone - ignored - and yet, he was a hero for rescuing the woman who was attacked.I am unaware of any follow-up regarding this hero - who he was, his background, his circumstance.  There was probably little media interest in a homeless man.Then, soon after, a Vietnam veteran alerted police to a suspicious car in New York City's Times Square.  The policeman checked the car and recognized that it was likely a car bomb.  The dominoes fell appropriately, with the bomb squad alerted, and everyone evacuated from Times Square.A Pakistani man who got American citizenship decided to kill as many American citizens as possible, because of his radical Muslim beliefs that infidels need eradication.  Nice family guy, I'm sure.He failed in his attempt to mass murder American citizens, because a military vet used his training well (many years after the fact), and a policeman did his duty.This story had a happier ending than the first one, because of the training and commitment of those who serve us. More >>

Recently, on a Friday afternoon, I had an experience which challenged my fears and comfort level.' I went out sailing in 20-30 knots of wind, with 6 - 8 foot swells, in a very, very narrow boat only 41 feet long.' I have five experienced crew with me.' And I was nervous.Believe you me, it is an intimidating experience when a little sailboat is planing at over 20 knots with gusts and crazy waves.' You don't have a lot of opportunity to think things through or to hesitate - a five degree wrong move and....WIPEOUT!' In the cold water and sloppy big waves, that could mean "man overboard" with the boat temporarily out of control. ( Watch the experience .)I am learning to skipper a boat under these conditions, where you have to run on "feel" and not so much on thinking things through.' I have lots to learn and practice, but whoo hoo!' What a ride!In doing this, I faced rational fear and was out of my comfort zone.' It took 48 hours for me to come down from that exhilaration.' It changes you.' I feel proud of myself; I know I'm getting better and better.' Facing fears and limitations, while scary, leads to such acceleration in joy of life and a growing self-confidence, that it is more than worth the scary moments.As I keep nagging at you folks, things are scary until they become familiar .' Practice and forcing yourself to face the experience time and again gives you familiarity which gives you confidence, and a natural, free, and legal "high." More >>

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I am very happy to tell you about my hero, Anthony Orsini, the principal at Benjamin Franklin Middle School in Ridgewood, New Jersey.' He recently sent the following email to all parents of children attending his school: Dear BF Community:When I arrived in Ridgewood, Facebook did not exist, YouTube did not exist, and MySpace was barely in existence.' Formspring (one of the newest Internet scourges, a site meant simply to post cruel things about people anonymously) wasn't even in someone's mind. In 2010, social networking sites have now become commonplace, and technology use by students is beyond prevalent. It is time for every single member of the BF community to take a stand! There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! Let me repeat that - there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!' None. 5 of the last 8 parents who we have informed that their child was posting inappropriate things on Facebook said their child did not have an account.' Every single one of the students had an account. 3 students yesterday told a guidance counselor that their parents told them to close their accounts when the parents learned they had an account.' All three students told their parents it was closed.' All three students still had an account after telling their parents it was closed. Most students are part of more than one social networking site. Please do the following:' sit down with your child (and they are just children still) and tell them that they are not allowed to be a member of any social networking site.' Today! Let them know that you will at some point every week be checking their text messages online!'' You have the ability to do this through your cell phone provider. Let them know that you will be installing Parental Control software so you can tell every place they have visited online, and everything they have instant messaged or written to a friend.' Don't install it behind their back, but install it! Over 90% of homework does not require the Internet, or even a computer.' Do not allow them to have a computer in their room.' There is no need. Know that they can text others even if their phone doesn't have texting capability, either through the computer or through their iPod Touch. Have a central "docking system," preferably in your bedroom, where all electronics in the home get charged each night, especially anything with a cell or with wi-fi capability (remember when you were in high school and you would sneak the phone into your bedroom at Midnight to talk to your girlfriend or boyfriend all night - now imagine what they can do with the technology in their rooms). If your son or daughter is attacked through one of these sites or through texting, immediately go to the police!' Insist that they investigate every situation.' Also, contact the site and report the attack to the site - they have an obligation to suspend accounts, or they are liable for what is written. We as a school can offer guidance and try to build up any student who has been injured by the social networking scourge, but please insist the authorities get involved. For online gaming, do not allow them to have the interactive communication devices.' If they want to play Call of Duty online with someone from Seattle, fine.' They don't need to talk to the person. The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites or through text and picture messaging. It is not hyperbole for me to write that the pain caused by social networking sites is beyond significant.' It is psychologically detrimental and we will find out it will have significant long-term effects, as well as all the horrible social effects it already creates. I will be more than happy to take the blame off you as a parent if it is too difficult to have the students close their accounts, but it is time they all get closed and the texts always get checked. I want to be clear - this email is not anti-technology, and we will continue to teach responsible technology practices to students.' They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause, and I don't want any of our students to go through the unnecessary pain that too many of them have already experienced. Some people advocate that the parents and the school should teach responsible social networking to students because these sites are part of the world in which we live. I disagree.' It is not worth the risk to your child to allow them the independence at this age to manage these sites on their own, not because they are not good kids or responsible, but because you cannot control the poor actions of anonymous others. Learn as a family about cyber safety together at www.wiredsafety.org for your own knowledge.' It is a great site.' But then do everything I asked in this email - because there really is no reason a child needs to have one of these accounts. Please take action in your own home today. Sincerely, Anthony OrsiniPrincipal, BFMS Now Principal Orsini is MY kind of principal, and my kind of leader in the community.' This should go nationwide.'The sites have become a tool for children to do psychological harm to each other; it has become a menace to children.' Much of what guidance counselors have to deal with these days regards social networking issues.' It is time for you parents to ACT. More >>