Working with Nature to Stimulate Your Child#146;s Senses By Mark J. Stevens www.luisasnature.com From the first week of our child#146;s birth, we encouraged her connection to nature through all of her senses. Her ears perked up at the sound of the nesting birds#146; melody. Her eyes opened to the vastness of a mountain lake and her perception increased gradually with each passing week as we said the names of the plants animals, insects, stones, etc. She smelled and felt the grass, leaves, flowers, and water as we passed through our surroundings. She later tasted the berries we picked for her along the way. And she is still always intrigued by the sound of a passing brook. We use our imagination to inspire and develop our senses every day. Here are some of the ways you can help your child do so, too: Follow your nose: Make sure you clarify to your child that he should only eat things you give him. But once you know how to navigate to the edible mushrooms, berries, and vegetables in the woods and fields, it#146;s snack time! With time, you will realize how many little snacks you can enjoy with your kids along the way. In addition, pack a little picnic with bread, cheese, and fruits. If you are exploring near a clean stream, have a drink to supplement the drink you have with you. Have a bite: Without warning kids can suddenly hit their limits and patience begins to wane rapidly. Too often parents try to dictate in this moment how they want their child to behave. Unfortunately, the barometer is rising and our wishes will almost certainly fall on deaf and increasingly angry ears. As soon as you notice the struggle, begin to take the child aside to a quiet location and try to reason with them. For example, #147;I don#146;t want to take a bath#148; can become a conversation about whether to take a bath or shower. In these crucial early moments, giving kids a small choice can go a long way toward preventing a potential meltdown. Open your eyes: Look at those little ants and caterpillars below you. It is likely that your child will discover them before you anyway. After all, kids are closer to the ground than you. Give the animals or insects a name. Encourage your child to hold them or even to say #147;good morning,#148; as our daughter used to do to the ants near our house. Talk about the different color of lichen on the trees or moss on the forest floor. This will encourage your child to observe even closer and to get dirty making new discoveries of their own#151;opening not only her eyes, but her mind and other senses. Touch and feel: Fill your hat with acorns, grass, wheat, sticks, and stones. Ask your child to feel the things in the hat#151;first while looking at the objects. Ask them what each object feels like. Then ask them to touch the objects without looking at them and to guess what they are. This improves your child#146;s sense of feel and his differentiation between different textures. Soon, your child will be gathering new objects and expanding on his or her sense of touch. Also, sit down and feel the wind blowing against your hand and hair. Your child will likely do the same. This will inspire his ears to do their part as well. Hear the magic: Not only will your child feel the direction in which the wind is blowing, but she will hear the effects of the wind on objects surrounding her. Your child can hear the branches swaying in the wind or the rain pitter-pattering on the leaves on the forest floor. Your child#146;s ears will be touched by the waves on the lake caused by the wind. When there is practically no wind at all, the birds, the bees, and the flowing stream will enchant your child#146;s ears. When simply taking a walk, what does the crunch under your feet on different terrain such as wood, stones, leaves sound like? What is that noise off in the distance#151;thunder, a falling tree, a howling wolf? Getting your kids out in nature is the first step to awakening your child#146;s senses for a lifetime of joy and learning. This encourages creativity, independent thinking, and an appreciation for the natural world. About the Author: Mark J. Stevens, author of LUISA'S NATURE (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Spring 2008), is a news journalist currently working in Europe. Fluent in French, Spanish, and German, he has enjoyed extensive travel much of his life. Shaped by the rural New Jersey setting of his youth, Mark continues to explore the richness of nature with his wife and two children on the outskirts of Munich, Germany. He also belongs to several parenting and nature organizations in the U.S. and Europe. For more information, visit www.luisasnature.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

RELAXATION: Be the Master of Your Universe By Laura Stack, The Productivity Pro www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog It may seem a tad paradoxical, but you can't be productive if you don't know how to relax. Leisure activities and relaxation like reading, talking, playing games, and other non-gadget pastimes can reduce your stress levels and increase your energy. Step off the merry-go-round. If you've recently undergone a particularly busy spell, you may be addicted to going full-throttle. When your mind's sick and tired of working, but your body can't stop, you need to slam on the brakes. Understand that rest isn't a bad thing. You don't feel guilty about going to the bathroom, so why feel guilty about resting? While too much rest can cut into your productivity, an occasional break is necessary to top up your energy reserves. Set aside some "me" time. Pamper yourself occasionally; it's okay to think about yourself and do something simply for the pleasure of it. It's not about being selfish; it's about self-care and energy replenishment. Don't feel guilty when you play. When you're playing, don't dwell on what you could be doing instead. Be present in your play and enjoy yourself. After all, if you wait until all your work is done before you play, you'll never play. Don't be a workaholic. If you're a workaholic, get help. Too much work can literally make you sick. You're likely to burn out, which can lead to depression, excessive physical and emotional stress, and a shortage of physical energy. Learn to unwind. If you find yourself unable to relax after a stressful day, try progressive relaxation for 30 minutes. It quiets your mind, and it's particularly helpful if you suffer from insomnia. Take regular vacations. Stress and leisure are inversely proportional: the less leisure time you build into your overall life, the more stress you'll experience -- and that translates into less energy. Take all the vacation time you're due. Don't jam up vacations with work. Work and play are meant to be separate, so make sure they stay that way. A working vacation isn't a vacation -- it's work. The quality of a vacation isn't measured by the output, so leave your cell phone, Blackberry, and laptop at home. Learn to take it easy to you can become more productive than ever. This might sound like something Zen, but the truth is that even seemingly quiet, relaxing uses of free time are energy-builders -- not energy drains. copy; 2008 Laura Stack. Laura Stack ( www.TheProductivityPro.com/blog ) is a motivational speaker who helps busy workers Leave the Office Earlierreg; with Maximum Results in Minimum Time#153;. She is the president of The Productivity Proreg;, Inc., a time management firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress organizations. Since 1992, Laura has given presentations on improving output, lowering stress, and saving time in today#146;s workplaces, for companies such as Microsoft, Starbucks, and 3M. She is the bestselling author of The Exhaustion Cure (2008); Find More Time (2006); and Leave the Office Earlier (2004). To have Laura speak at your event, call 303-471-7401. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Silent Mentoring By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller www.personalpowerpress.com "Hello Jasmine," Mrs. Roberts said as she passed the thirteen-year-old middle schooler in the hall between classes. Deliberate and sustained eye contact accompanied the simple greeting. Jasmine nodded and both student and educator continued on their way toward individual destinations. The scenario above appears to be a typical exchange between a teacher and her student, the kind of thing that occurs routinely in any middle school, on any day, in any part of the world. In reality, this meeting is far from typical. Mrs. Johnson does not have Jasmine as a student and the greeting was planned deliberately with specific intention. It was part of a much larger effort called Silent Mentoring. Silent Mentoring is a program currently being implemented by many schools who are concerned about students who do not appear to be connected. These isolates have few friends and spend much time alone. They eat by themselves, study by themselves, and walk the halls by themselves. They seem to be on the outside looking in and are never really part of the action. Silent Mentoring is an effort by professional educators to reach out to these students and connect. Students are identified as candidates for this program based on observations made by teachers, administrators, and counselors. The students are not told that they have been selected. They are matched with a volunteer educator, one who does not currently have the student in class. Not every teacher in these schools participate. Once the educator and student are matched up the educators are expected to make three reach out efforts a week. Reach out strategies can include morning greetings, asking the student how he liked the assembly, or commenting on the book the he selected in the media center. Other strategies that are detailed in the Silent Mentoring handbook include; A.Sending "I noticed" Statements. "I noticed you like to wear red." "I noticed you read a lot of sports books." "I noticed you got here a little late this morning." "I noticed" is not designed to evaluate as in "I noticed you did a good job." It is intended to deliver an important message, "I see you. You are not invisible here." B.Touch with Your Eyes Use sustained eye contact. Eyes say, "I care about you. You are important to me." C.Engage in Proximity Behavior This strategic placement move puts you in the proximity of the student you wish to influence. Purposefully be in the vicinity of that student more than you normally would. Making a conscious effort to be around him or her shows interest and concern. And this happens simply by your presence. D.Smile Do this with intentionality. Be genuine and sincere. E.Use Names The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of your own name. "Good morning, Juan." "Melinda, you look like you are in a hurry." "Is this seat taken, Tevi?" Silent Mentoring takes its name from the fact that no formal announcements are made that the event is happening. There is no structured time in which it has to occur. No newspaper articles are written. No sound bites are delivered. The entire process is pretty much a secret. Silent mentoring happens best and has the biggest impact when students least expect it. That's why students are not assigned to their regular teacher. If the reach out program is implemented in the classroom students often think it is being done because it is your job. After all you are their teacher. You are being paid to like them. Reach out in the hall, in the lunchroom, and at the basketball game. Do it if you run into the student downtown or in the mall. Do not require students to respond. You might say "hello" and get nothing back. Eye contact and smiles may not be returned. Keep reaching out anyway. You are touching this student on some level whether you see the results or not. Do you know an isolated student who feels that no one likes them? Do you see someone who doesn't seem to fit in or belong? Are you aware of someone who needs some connectedness in their life? Do you know that for relationships in general can improve for this student she has to develop a relationship with someone and realize that someone likes her? Guess who has the best chance of becoming that person for this student? Why not be a Silent Mentor? Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle#153; to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for educators. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your professional staff development needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

School's Out, I Thought it Would Stop: Bullying at Summer Camp By Derek Randel www.stoppingschoolviolence.com My ten year-old son, Kevin, was sitting at dinner last night playing with his food. I could tell something was wrong. Finally, he let it out, "I thought I wouldn't be picked on, at least for the summer." It turns out that he was being bullied again at day camp. I contacted the camp director and informed him of what Kevin told me. His response was, "We didn't see anything so there is nothing we can do." If I understand this correctly, at least one of his campers is scared to return to camp and he says there is nothing he can do about this situation? This is not acceptable. I believe there is a lack of concern at the administrative level and a lack of training and support for the counselors. Most camp counselors are high school or college students. How much do they know about recognizing, addressing, and preventing bullying? Many people believe bullying is something that happens to all children and#8232; we're just making a fuss over this. They will get over it, right? Maybe we should just tell them to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Adults shouldn't be ignoring it. We need to stop the "boys will be boys" mentality. Signs Something Might Be Wrong Discuss these areas with your child and their counselor if you suspect he/she is being bullied. Notice if he always seems very hungry. Maybe someone is taking his lunch or lunch money. Does she have a fear of going to certain activities? There is a reason she may have this fear: it could be her dislike for the activities, she may not be confident about the craft, or possibly, she is being bullied. Does he have missing belongings or torn clothes? You may want to look at whether this is his normal pattern or completely out of character. How often does this happen? Does he have lots of bruises or cuts? Does she play alone or with friends while at camp? Does he have stomachaches, headaches, anxiety, sleeplessness, depression, and flashes of anger or hostility? Does he need to see the camp nurse often? Options for Parents and Counselors: Our job as parents, teachers, and counselors is to provide tools for #8232;our children to handle bullying. Empowering your camper to handle each #8232;situation is the best way to get involved. We want the victim to know that the bullying is the problem, not him. He has the right to feel safe and secure at all times. Tips for Counselors: Talk to the campers about feeling safe. This is the easiest place to start, but most do not do this. #8232;Encourage the child to report any bullying incidents to you. Validate your camper's feelings. It is normal for the victim to feel hurt, #8232;sad, and angry. Ask the camper how they have tried to stop the bullying. #8232; Coach the camper in alternatives: playing in a different place, playing a different game, staying near a#8232; counselor, and looking for new friends. #8232;#8232; Avoidance can also be an excellent #8232;strategy. Encourage the child to seek help from all camp personnel including the #8232;support staff. #8232;#8232;#8232;#8232; Teach about self-respect. A good topic for open discussions is: why does someone else's opinion of you count more than your own? Avoid labeling or name-calling. Model the behavior you want. Counselors must model desired behavior. Hazing, name-calling and making fun of campers cannot be permitted. What to Look for in a Summer Camp We want our children to feel wanted, safe, and successful at camp. Here are a few items to discuss with the camp director before signing your child up. Ask about camp supervision of children. This has been found to be of prime importance. Low#8232; levels of camp supervision, particularly on the playground, locker rooms, and in#8232; cabins, need to be addressed. The camp climate needs to be one of warmth and acceptance of all#8232; campers. Counselors' attitudes toward aggression, skills with regard to#8232; supervision and abilities to intervene can change how campers react to each bullying #8232;situation. How much training do the counselors receive? Counselors have reported that locker rooms are prime locations for bullying. How many counselors are placed in the locker areas? There needs to be at least two because one counselor shouldn#146;t be in the locker room or showers alone with campers. Good communication between the camp and parents is very important. How often do the counselors talk with the parents? Does the camp have group discussions about bullying? This topic needs to be out in the open. How does the camp staff address bullying incidents? Do they talk with the bully and victim separately or together? It needs to be done separately. #8232; Do they monitor the behavior of the bully and the safety of the victim on a #8232;camp-wide basis? All personnel need to be involved. If the counselors are#8232; not aware of who is bullying whom, then how will they be able to watch #8232;specifically for the bully or the victim? Just like in schools, bullies must be held accountable for their actions. Counselors must set limits and boundaries without using idle threats if they want to be taken seriously. Parents must ask their camp directors about their counselors#146; training. If you're uncomfortable with their answer, then there is always another camp for your child. Summers are supposed to be fun, and above all, safe. Derek Randel is a parent coach who speaks nationally on how to remove the yelling from your home and how to protect your child/student from bullying and school violence. Derek has been seen on many television shows and is heard on radio shows around the country. He is the author of Stopping School Violence and was nominated for a Disney American Teacher Award. He also is a certified stepfamily coach through the Step-Family Foundation. For more information visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

PG-13 Isn't For Young Kids By Nancy Carlsson-Paige www.nancycarlssonpaige.com ALTHOUGH THE recently released movie "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" is rated PG-13, it is being marketed to preschoolers through TV ads and movie-linked toys and merchandise. This kind of marketing is unethical and has been going on for years. The Federal Trade Commission, in its landmark report published in 2000, exposed the movie industry for marketing to children younger than the ages the industry's own rating system considers appropriate. Even so, the wrongful practice continues. Film companies have aggressively marketed PG-13 movies like "Hulk," "Spiderman," "X-Men," "Iron Man," and many others, to young children through toys, many of them violent, fast food tie-ins, TV ads, and merchandise. Promotions to young children are already underway for this summer's violent blockbusters "The Incredible Hulk" and "The Dark Knight," with hundreds of toys and child-targeted merchandise. I have interviewed hundreds of parents who say they feel exasperated and helpless by how films are marketed to their children. One parent, Nina, said to me recently, "My 5-year-old son, Jacob, saw the ad on TV for the "Iron Man" toy at Burger King, and now he's begging to get it and to seethe movie." Such marketing campaigns confuse many parents. The toys are labeled appropriate for young children and carry no information indicating that the movie may not be. The industry says parents should decide what's right for their children to see but then does everything to undermine parental choice and control. From my years studying child development, I know that entertainment violence can confuse, scare, and desensitize children. Young children don't see what adults see when they see violence on the screen. Violent images have a stronger impact on children because they can't put these images in a context of motive and plot or pull away from them by thinking about something else. Children can't be sure that the violence they see is pure fiction. Young children confuse fantasy and reality. Maybe this can really happen to them. Perhaps this frightening character can come through their window at night "Transformer" toys armed with heavy machine guns for 4-year-olds and toys poised with rifles and guns in both hands for preschoolers teach powerful lessons: Violence is fun. We do it for play. Violence is how you settle conflicts; the world is made up of "good guys" and "enemies," hurting others is OK - it's even entertaining. As teachers around the country report, children bring these "social lessons" into their relationships in school and into their play, and both become more violent. The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Medical Association and other medical groups have reviewed research and issued warnings: Viewing entertainment violence increases aggression and antisocial behavior and desensitizes children to violence, hardening them to the pain inflicted on others. This is troublesome because we want children to learn empathy for others in the early years, not develop a numbness to how others feel. We have seen many worrisome examples in recent years of young people who can shoot classmates and inflict pain on others without any apparent feelings for them: We need government regulations that will stop the deliberate and unethical marketing of PG-13 films to young children. The Motion Picture Association of America could take action but it refuses to do anything. We need a film ratings board that operates outside of industry control. Regulations wouldn't limit choices for parents. They would still be free to take their children, no matter what their ages, to see the films parents choose. But the industry would no longer be allowed to interfere by enticing children with TV ads, toys, food tie-ins, and merchandise - with the decisions that parents want to make for their children. And if these harmful marketing practices were to stop, it would help the nation's children take a step away from violence toward greater empathy and a stronger sense of security and emotional well-being. Nancy Carlsson-Paige is author of "Taking Back Childhood" and a professor of education at Lesley University. For more information visit www.nancycarlssonpaige.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Are Your Children Being Deprived? By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller www.personalpowerpress.com Some parents give their children designer clothes, foreign trips and a personal TV. Others give them attention and experiences and hold them accountable for their actions. What do your children get? Are you unknowingly depriving your children of important lessons and learnings? Find out here by taking the Deprived Child Test. See how you score. Which of the following items do you give your children? Rate yourself for each on a scale of 0-3. 0= never 1= rarely 2= once in a while 3= regularly Do you give your children . . . Regular trips to the library. Buying your children 100 books does not count. Do you take your children to the library and allow them to select books of their own interest and let them be responsible for returning them on time? Creating a spot in your home for library books that are to be returned helps young children take some responsibility for their care. Instruction about and responsibilities for lawn care. Does your teen know how to run a lawn mower? Does your ten-year-old know how to fill it with gas? Does your eight-year-old know how to clean it off when you are finished using it? If you hire a lawn service, you are depriving your older children of opportunities to participate and your toddlers of seeing you perform the important tasks. Responsibilities with laundry. Do the younger children put their dirty clothes in the hamper? Do those who are older help you sort the laundry by colors?nbsp; Does your preadolescent help you fold it? Does your teen do his or her own laundry? Does everyone take their clean laundry and put it away? If adults take total responsibility for laundry in your home, subtract one point. Your children are deprived. Opportunities to see plants grow. Do you have a flower garden? Do you grow corn or carrots? Does your child have a tomato plant that is his to care for and nurture? Has she seen a seed turn into a flowering plant and had an opportunity to discuss the miracle it represents? Bringing home flowers from the florist does not count. Respectful disagreement. Have your children seen you and your spouse disagree respectfully? Have you provided them with a model of fair fighting, honoring different perspectives, and listening to the other in the face of disagreement? If you yell or pout you are depriving your children of witnessing incidents of mature disagreement and of living with mature individuals who serve as role models for how to disagreed with respect and civility. Sex stereotypes. Do you create opportunities for your children to see men and women working as equals? Does your son witness women being as capable as men and is his mental attitude one of equality between the sexes as a result of having witnessed his parentsrsquo; role-modeling equality? Do you allow your daughter to participate in lawn care duties or only in chores that concern the inside of the house? Does your son help with cleaning the house and doing dishes? Do your children see both parents share the duties of parenting equally? Experiences with nature. Do your children play outside as much as inside?nbsp; Does your family walk through the woods and take trips to a nature center? Have you been to the beach or fishing in a stream? Can your children identify the names of trees, birds, and other wildlife? If your child spends more than one hour per day watching television or playing computer/video games, subtract one point for each hour over that time limit.. Accountability. Are your children held accountable for their actions in a way that helps them understand the relationship between cause and effect? Do you establish outcomes for your childrenrsquo;s choices that are reasonable, related and respectful? Do you follow through with consequences or deprive your children of a culture of accountability by caving in and regularly giving them one more last chance? Construction. Have you built a snow fort, a sand castle, a tower of blocks, a house of cards, a pillow fort in the living room, a double-decker cake, a model airplane, or a puzzle with your children in the past few weeks? Have you made a piece of clothing or a pizza from scratch? Remember, when you build together you are not only creating the physical structure or object, you are also building a connection and a stronger parent/child relationship. Laughter. When was the last time you went rolling down a hill with your children and ended up laughing hysterically? Do you share jokes and funny experiences with them? Do you have a tickle party where you tickle and let yourself be tickled? Do your children know what makes you laugh? Do you laugh together? Subtract two points if family laughter occurs when others make a mistake or appear foolish. Mess making. Have you ever put shaving cream on the kitchen table or mixed ripped toilet paper with wet soap shavings to make ldquo;cleanrdquo; mud? Have you tipped over the couch to make a tunnel fort or pitched a tent in the living room for indoor camping? Have you played in spilled milk, splashed in mud puddles or slid in the grass in the rain? Have you participated in a water balloon fight lately or sprayed each other while you washed the car? Do you let happy messes happen or are you keeping a lid on every moment of each experience so that nothing gets dirty or out of place? Time. Do you have regular conversations with your children? Do you have scheduled family meals that everyone attends? Do you shoot baskets, play checkers, ride bikes, and build paper airplanes? Do you have a family hobby like baseball card collecting, scouting, putting puzzles together, camping, or horseback riding? Add up your score and determine where you fit on the scale below. Be honest with yourself. You donrsquo;t have to show your results to anyone or get down on yourself if you donrsquo;t compile a high score. Treat this as a learning experience that will help you make sure your children are not deprived. The Deprived Child Test Scoring Scale 36-30hellip;hellip;hellip;..Congratulations. You are regularly providing your children with a healthy variety of opportunities to learn. 29-24hellip;hellip;hellip;..You and your children are missing valuable lessons in a few areas. With a few adjustments you can quickly design new and enriching experiences that will help your children grow and expand in important areas. 23-18hellip;hellip;hellip;..It is clearly time for you to get conscious about your role as a parent and make some major changes. Your children will continue to be deprived unless you purposefully create more learning opportunities for them. The time to begin is now. 17-0hellip;hellip;hellip;....Your children are badly deprived. It is time for you to totally revamp what you do as a parent by making serious changes in your everyday activities. Get moving, doing, being with, and experiencing with your children. Use the information you glean from taking and scoring this test to strengthen the type of experiences you provide for your children. Congratulate yourself for areas where you scored high. Use your low scores as valuable information to help you and your family move forward toward creating and sharing quality experiences for all. Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Teaching the Attraction Principletrade; to Children. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information on how to bring their expertise to your family or group, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Expecting and Expectations: Are You and Your Spouse on the Same Page? By Joanne Baum www.respectfulparenting.com When you#146;re pregnant you soon become full of expectations. You dream about what your baby will be like, you dream about how you and hour husband will parent. You dream about how you will handle any problems that come up. You dream about being a family and how family life will be. You dream about how you#146;ll juggle real life and motherhood and fatherhood. You know what you want, you know how you#146;ll handle it, you know what #147;it#146;ll#148; be like. You#146;re getting ready based on your dreams and fantasies. But is your husband on the same page or are you assuming he is? Ten Steps to Help Expectations Come True: Talk with your spouse and ask him if he#146;d be willing to share his specific dreams and expectations with you and if he#146;d be willing to listen to yours. Ask your husband to tell you his dreams before you tell him all of yours so he#146;s not trying to please you and he feels free to offer his dreams and expectations. Don#146;t be upset if he doesn#146;t have as many as yours. Share your dreams with the idea that you both want to see where your dreams and expectations overlap and where you have a mismatch. Talk to each other about your fears and concerns #150; share them without feeling like the other person is supposed to fix them. See if you two can #147;team#148; together and come up with creative strategies to meet both your needs. Where there are differences, work through them. Don#146;t assume they#146;ll go away on their own. Differences usually get bigger with sleep deprivation and reality. To work through them talk about each of your wants and needs. See if you can strategize together how to get needs met, but make sure they are truly needs and not intense wants. Call upon a parenting coach or therapist to help you two resolve your differences if you can#146;t do that together. If you can do this before your baby arrives you#146;ll have less stress in those beginning wonderful, exciting, sleep deprived and confusing weeks. If your baby is here and you#146;re having difficulties that are upsetting you, try getting some help before they build over time. Respect each other#146;s ways of doing things #150; there is more than one way to be a healthy and happy family. Continue to make couple time even if it#146;s for fifteen minutes a day where you get to be adults together. Leave room for flexibility, creativity, and spontaneity. Dreams and expectations are based in your head; they#146;re your fantasies. When your baby arrives, you#146;ll need to get to know your baby. You#146;ll want to see what your unique baby brings to your dreams. Follow your baby#146;s lead and allow your dreams and expectations to be fantasy and not a reality you impose on your baby. Enjoy who your baby is and realize you figured out the best you could before you were handed the gift of reality. Now it#146;s time to re-figure and live with your baby rather than your dreams and expectations. Those were a springboard to prepare you for becoming a parent and not a recipe for family life. Joanne Baum, PhD., LCSW, has been a therapist, parenting coach, educator, and writer for over thirty years. Her latest book, Got the Baby Where#146;s the Manual?!? won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal in Parenting. You can find more information and order her book on her website www.respectfulparenting.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Biggest Mistake That Parents Make By Archer Crosley www.baldmommy.com The biggest mistake that a parent can make is to try to be their child#146;s friend. How can I say this nicely without offense; you are not your child#146;s friend, nor their drinking buddy; you are their parent. Unfortunately, many parents want that love that their child brings; and they will do anything to ensure that their child continues to love them, even foregoing discipline. Now maybe someday, when your children are in their twenties, you can develop a unique friendship with them; but that won#146;t happen if you fail in your parenting responsibilities when they are young. Indeed, without respect, there can be no love. And if you fail to discipline your children, they will come to disrespect you. It is imperative that your children understand who is the boss in the relationship. You and your child are not co-equals, and your family is not a democracy. Think of your family as a benevolent dictatorship, and you will have at least eliminated one myth, the myth of the democratic family as a successful model, standing in your path to having a successful family. This is a tough concept for many parents to grasp, especially those parents who came from families where discipline was perhaps too strict. Many of these parents rationalize #147;Well, I don#146;t want to be a strict as my parents were.#148; It#146;s a nice concept in theory; but I can assure you that a family without discipline is like a house without walls. The walls of the house are nothing more than rules that guide people down pathways; pathways that make the house run more effectively. Now imagine if you had a house with no walls where everybody could see everybody and anyone could walk anywhere unimpeded. Can you imagine someone cooking two feet from where you are trying to sleep? Can you imagine another person skipping merrily through the bathroom on their way to the garage as you are washing up? Of course not! These scenarios are unworkable. One of my close friends who did discipline his children effectively put it this way, #147;My kids can do what they want after they are adults and living away from the house; but when they are here, they follow my rules.#148; This friend couldn#146;t have cared less if his kids liked him or not with regard to the rules that he made and enforced. But when he spoke to me about rule-setting, it wasn#146;t just what he said, it was the way he said it. He asserted himself in a casual but firm tone as if he had been applying his rules for a lengthy period of time. The rules that he set forth were second nature to him and his family. Now, if you go home and try to adopt what I am saying in a very hysterical and aggressive manner, you will fail. If you make a speech to your kids that there is a new sheriff in town who isn#146;t going to put up with this type of behavior anymore, they may laugh at you behind your back and continue their same patterns of behavior. If you are having problems at home right now, what I recommend is that you begin slowly. Enforce simple rules, such as clean up your room before dinner, or, everyone must eat dinner together, and follow through with them - quietly. Don#146;t make a big show about it; you don#146;t need to; you are holding all the Aces. Gradually enforce more rules as time goes by. Don#146;t worry when your children start crying, #147;You don#146;t love me anymore.#148; This is a ruse that children use to manipulate their parents. Remember your kids are pretty smart; they have the same intelligence that you do; and pretty soon, they will learn that the rules are the rules; and that their parents are the ones who set the rules. The true love that you desire will gradually follow from this framework of respected Archer Crosley, MD has been practicing pediatrics for over 25 years and is the author of What Successful Families Do, The Bald Truth about Parenting. Dr. Crosley lives in McAllen, Texas. Dr. Crosley graduated from the University of Kansas Medical School in 1982. He finished his residency in pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio in 1985. For more information visit www.baldmommy.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

The Family Dinner By Archer Crosley If I had to stress one thing that you could do for your family to enhance its quality and productivity, it would be the family dinner or meal. I believe there should be one meal per day where the family gets together and shares a common experience. The family dinner is not just a time to exchange pleasantries; the family dinner is when the family sits down and reviews family affairs. How are the kids doing in school? Is Johnny cleaning is room? Where would they all like to go on summer vacation? Communication is the key to having a successful family, and the family meal is where an important part of family communication takes place. One large difference that I have noticed over the years, between a family that is working well and one that is not is the level of communication. Having a family dinner can be tough when both parents are working and the kids have varying schedules. Still, there should be at least fifteen to twenty minutes per day when you can all sit down together. The length of the meeting is not important; what is important is that everyone, including kids, show up, and for these reasons: The family dinner sends a statement to the child that there are family obligations, and by extension societal obligations, that are mandatory. When we tell our children that they must eat dinner with the rest of us, we are sending a subtle message that they don't live in a free-for-all universe where anyone can do anything they want any time they want. The family dinner sends your child a message that they count as a member of the family, that what they have to say is important. Now, if all you are going to say at the family dinner is "shut up," then you are missing the entire point of having the family dinner. The entire point of the family dinner is to make your family better and more cohesive; it's a working meeting; it's not a "show meeting" to give you the parent the illusion that you are living the life of the perfect family (which does not exist anyway). These meetings provide the opportunity for you the parent to impress your values. Basic civil values such as giving thanks, using words like please and thank you, and asking to be excused from the table are important to the development of your child. These values teach your child how to more effectively communicate with others now and in the future. Too many families make the mistake of breaking up the family dinner as the kids get into the teen-age years. I think that is a mistake; your teen-agers are far from being adults; and there is still a lot that they can learn from you. Don't forfeit your involvement to a television set in their room (where they go to eat by themselves) or another youth who just wants your kids to bum around and engage in activities that they are not yet ready to handle. Teen-agers are not adults yet; and they require more involvement more so than ever. There are plenty of ways for teen-agers to express their independence; the family meal should not be one of them. If they don't like it, too bad. You're the one with the experience, and you're the one paying the bills and the clean-up expense for their mistakes. Make your children attend the family dinner, and make sure that their privileges are contingent upon that. Your kids will thank you in the long run. Archer Crosley, MD has been practicing pediatrics for over 25 years and is the author of What Successful Families Do, The Bald Truth about Parenting . Dr. Crosley lives in McAllen, Texas. Dr. Crosley graduated from the University of Kansas Medical School in 1982. He finished his residency in pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio in 1985. For more information visit www.baldmommy.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Helping My Child When I Was Diagnosed with Cancer By Cathy Nilon www.chemocat.com As a 43 yr old mother with a young son, when I was first diagnosed with Stage 2-b invasive breast cancer, I frantically searched for a book to help him understand my illness and what I would be going through in order to get well. There was nothing suitable that would hold his attention. I wanted to be honest with him discussing my surgery and treatment in broad strokes and answering his questions as they arose. Below are some tips that got us through this painful journey.This is our story, each family and situation is different; this is simply what worked for us. Digest the news of your diagnosis before telling your child. This way, your anxiety and fears will not scare him or her. Have a few age appropriate books on hand to explain what will be happening. Let your child know the news of your illness as early as possible. This gives the family time before surgery and treatment so the child won't blame him or herself for the sadness that may become apparent in the house. You also don't want him/ her to hear it from a well meaning neighbor. Be honest and don't hide the diagnosis. Our son knew something was amiss and tense in our normally happy household. Telling him that mommy was sick and needed some strong medicine, made him realize that my initial depression and tears were not his fault. He thought it was cool that I would be bald. Girls at his school clearly did not share this idea! We gave the cancer the correct name; mommy had breast cancer. Let the child take the lead. They will ask in their own time what they wish to know. One day in the post office my son asked: "Can boys get breast cancer?" The long line of customers leaned in for the answer (which I promptly and honestly answered in the car). "Very few boys or men get breast cancer. You shouldn't worry about that, you will be fine." This was also a good time for me to mention that he couldn't "catch" cancer. The question that brought me to my knees was," Will I be getting a new mom this spring?" I answered, while holding back the tears, "I will always be your mama no matter what life brings." Include the children in the process from treatment to recovery. Quiet games were a must, and kisses and hugs were the very best medicine. We played endless games of chess and bingo. Our son liked to be in charge of bringing me water and getting the "puke bucket". Schedules are important for children but it is perfectly ok and even beneficial to bend the rules as needed. Our son got to watch a bit more TV than usual; he is none the worse for the wear. We also had a gift stash. When I was too weak to even play bingo; we pulled out a new toy. I received many gifts during that time; why not spoil the child a bit as well? Children are resilient; just let them know daily that they are loved immensely. Give the child room to vent his/her frustrations and anger. I allowed my son to use bad words - only if he shouted them into his closet with the door shut. He was also able to draw all over the walls of the closet (walk-in) as a safe place to express his emotions. He ended up drawing on the door with markers a family portrait including God. We all had pig noses! I wish I saved that door after our remodel. Pray! If you already pray, step it up a few notches. Now is the best time ever to take up prayer with your family. Faith will help to answer the tough and seemingly unanswerable questions. In summary, be yourself, be honest and know that your family will grow from this devastating experience in the most amazing and positive way. Cathy Nilon is a breast cancer survivor and native New Yorker who now lives in the Seattle, WA area. She wrote and illustrated Chemo Cat with her son Luca. Educated in New York City at The High School of Art and Design, The Fashion Institute of Technology, as well as Ars Sutoria in Milan, Italy, she has had an extensive career in shoe design and production for Liz Claiborne, Jones New York and others, living in Italy, Indonesia, Taiwan, China and Hong Kong. Cathy plans to continue writing and illustrating books with uplifting themes for children of all ages. For more information visit chemocat.com or amazon.com/Chemo-Cat-Cathy-Nilon/dp/0979192145 . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>