Learn the Real Dangers of Poor Sleep By Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS losethebackpain.com Ah...a good night's sleep. We all want to get in the recommended 7-8 hours, yet according to the National Sleep Foundation, almost one-third of Americans sleep 6.5 hours or less each night. So, not only are we walking around in a bad mood, eyes half open, giant cup of Joe in hand, but now research shows that we are actually putting our heart at risk! Research by Dr. Alexandros Vgontzas, professor of psychiatry at The Pennsylvania State University in Hershey reveals that even modest sleep deprivation may be associated with low-grade inflammation, which can lead to a number of cardiovascular problems. Vgontzas and his team of researchers deprived 25 men and women just two hours of sleep per night over a six-week period. They measured blood levels for immune-system molecules called cytokines, which are normally secreted during inflammation and infection. Both men and women in the study had increased concentrations of cytokines, which confirms lack of sleep may stimulate an increase in chronic inflammation. This is troublesome, particularly because continuous inflammation has been shown to lead to hardening of the arteries, high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease and even heart failure. Also, lack of quality sleep has a significant effect on your blood sugar levels. If you are sleep deprived, it requires more insulin to balance your blood sugar levels, which, in turn, can lead to heart disease and a host of other health related problems. So, you know you need more shut-eye but getting to bed early and sleeping in later just aren't an option with your busy schedule. Maybe the quantity of hours shouldn't be your main focus, let's try focusing on getting "quality" sleep. The first option that comes to mind for most people who want to sleep more soundly is to seek out over-the-counter or prescription sleep aids. However, there are several downsides to consider: Risk of tolerance - meaning your body can require more and more of the medication in order to achieve results. The lingering effects of sleepiness from the previous night's dosage can affect your safety, the safety of those around you and even put lives at risk . They can be highly addictive - creating the danger that the body will never really learn to sleep on its own again A far better choice is to consider more natural approaches. You can do simple things like avoiding caffeine and television before bedtime, or practicing relaxation exercises to help you unwind. You can also seek out a natural herbal supplement that will help you achieve the solid sleep you need in order to maintain good health and take care of your heart. Trying these more natural approaches may be just the thing to safely help you obtain a solid nights rest without the risks associated with other traditional medications. There you have it. The evidence is overwhelming; getting sensible amounts of good quality sleep is essential to achieving optimal health and particularly a healthy heart. Ultimately it's up to you to make the right decision regarding your individual health. Remember... more zzz's equals less disease! About the author: Fitness expert and best-selling author, Jesse Cannone, CFT, CPRS, is the co-owner of losethebackpain.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Ten Tips for Making your Trip to the Amusement Park the Best Ever By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman Millions of people will visit an amusement park this summer. Some will do it as part of an extended vacation. Others will make it a one day trip or a week end event. Regardless of the length of stay, the theme of the park, or the part of the country you visit, the following tips can make your trip to an amusement park the best ever. Establish a mutual plan. Allow every member of the family to have input and contribute suggestions for what they would like to experience at the park. Brainstorm all the possible rides and activities to visit. Build a list of things you want to make sure you don't miss. Make sure each family member's top priority is included on the list. By letting everyone have a say, you build commitment and lower resistance toward the planned activities. Stick to the children's regular daily schedule and routine. The younger the child, the more important it is to stick to your regular schedule. While on vacation, children under the age of ten needs to go to bed, get up, and eat at the same time they normally do. Young children's bodies are not able to adjust quickly to time changes and schedule adjustments. If this means arriving the night before and getting a full night's sleep, do it. Don't attempt to do it all. Most amusement parks have more to offer than can be accomplished in one day. Slow down. The more you and your family members attempt to "fit it all in," the greater the chance that irritability and frustration will occur. Do not push to do everything on your list. Remember, a trip to the amusement park is about enjoying and savoring the time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It is more important that you be fully present for the activities you do than it is to do everything. Take breaks. Stop every hour or so and regroup. Sit down and discuss where to go next. Relax for a moment. To continue to push may extend small legs or tired feet beyond their limits can create unhappy children who resist the push to move on and finish. Don't attempt to do everything together. It's okay to split up as long as an adult accompanies each child. You don't have to do everything together as a complete family. Different people have different interests. Allow opportunities for each person to experience activities without insisting others participate. Look for chances to have one-on-one time with each of your children. The experiences of each individual will add life and energy to the family as they are shared and talked about later. Share the maps. Amusement parks have hand held maps they distribute at information centers. Large maps are posted along the route with arrows that show direction. Let your children be the guide for part of the day. Give them a map and follow their lead. Go in the wrong direction if necessary. This can be a useful learning experience for your children as long as you don't make them wrong for their decisions or say, "I told you so." Do not force children to experience anything they feel is not right for them. Some children are afraid of heights. Others do not like to be scared of prefer quiet activities. Still others dislike rides that make them dizzy. Respect the wishes of your family members in this area. Insist that all family members respect the choices of each individual person. Name calling such as sissy, scaredy cat, chicken, and wimp are not allowed. Get your needs met too. Do some things you like. Refuse to go on rides you detest. Tell your children, "This doesn't feel good to me. I don't enjoy getting frightened that much." Refuse to cave into peer pressure and model for your children knowing what is right for you and sticking to it. Allow children to change their minds. Sometimes a ride looks a lot different close up than it did on the map. So what if you walked 15 minutes to get to it? Make it OK for the child to make a new choice. Have a plan for getting separated from the group. Teach your children what to do if they get lost. Encourage them to look for the helpers. Point out security guards, park employees and teach your children how to recognize these individuals. Teach them what to say to the helper, "I'm lost and need to find my mom." Have them practice saying that to you and pointing out who they would go to if they were separated. Once your trip to the amusement park is complete, come together as a family and discuss it. Look at pictures together and reflect on what each person remembers about that moment. Talk about most and least favorite activities. Consider adjustments that would make the next family adventure smoother and more enjoyable. Record them so you have them for next time. Preserve the history of your family outing by putting the photos and captions in a photo album. Place it in the nostalgia corner of your home where you keep the family memories. Look through the album on occasion to build connectedness and remembrances of your best trip ever to the amusement park. Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose . They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Is Food the Right Answer? By Linda Spangle, RN, MA www.weightlossjoy.com The words slip out so easily. "If I eat something, maybe I'll feel better." When you're tired, stressed or physically ill, food is often the first thing that comes to mind. It provides an appealing cure for everything from a cold or the flu to exhaustion after a long day. If you're tired because your body is needing fuel, eating probably will make you feel better. But having an energy drop doesn't always mean it's time to eat. Make sure that you can recognize the difference between your fuel needs and wanting an emotional fix. Hunger or desire to eat? Whenever you start thinking about food, take a minute to figure out whether you're having a physical need or an emotional one. Before you put the first bite in your mouth, ask yourself, "Is this hunger or a desire to eat?" If you decide you are truly hungry, give your body some fuel. But if you're having a desire to eat, catch yourself on the spot and ask, "What's going on here? What's making me want to eat right now?" Then consider how you could take care of your real needs instead of appeasing them with food. If you need to calm down or de-stress, try doing a few deep breathing exercises instead of eating. Give your eyes a rest from the computer or take a break from the task you're working on. Remember that food doesn't usually fix a tired body. So if you recognize that you need rest, not food, go to bed, take a nap or just close your eyes and give them a break for a few minutes. Sip a cup of hot tea or a diet soda and allow your body to relax. Eventually, you'll discover lots of ways to build your energy without reaching for food. Other ways to perk up Instead of immediately reaching toward food when you feel tired or down, do something else first and see if it takes care of the problem. Wait ten minutes When you get a food craving, buy yourself some time by waiting ten minutes before you eat anything. During that time, do something positive such as read to your child or offer encouragement to a troubled friend. After ten minutes, see if you still need to eat or if your food thoughts have faded. Move your body Instead of heading for your recliner after an exhausting day, go for a brief walk or do something else that gets you moving. Physical activity will usually revive you better than lying on the couch with chips and a soda. Get a drink of water Being dehydrated can add to your fatigue or even make you think you're hungry. Drink a large glass of water, then wait 30 minutes. You may be surprised at your renewed energy level. Get some rest Put your feet up, take a nap (a lost art) or take time for a few minutes of meditation or stretching. Start going to bed earlier. Force yourself to rest when you need it. Distract yourself Do something that will take your mind off how you feel. Mentally escape with a book or a shopping trip. When you keep busy, you may find your tiredness lifts without a food fix. Be sure you choose a diversion that fills your mind, not empties it. Watching TV or playing computer games will often make you feel dull rather than revived. Linda Spangle, RN, MA, is a weight-loss coach specializing in emotional eating, and the author of 100 Days of Weight Loss , a book of daily lessons that helps people stay committed to their diet and exercise plans. Her website is www.weightlossjoy.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Changing the Self in Self Esteem By Brain Orchard www.vision.org Self-esteem has many definitions ranging from simply "feeling good about yourself" to more detailed descriptions. These include "actualizing one's own attributes, having one's accomplishments validated by others, and being able to compare one to others favorably." Many social ills have been attributed to low self-esteem, and early childhood development specialists recognize children's need for a favorable sense of self-worth to establish a good social foundation and to connect with the world around them. This deep-seated emotional need is not limited to children, and it is not inherently bad. An influential number of educators, however, have come to accept that if students can simply be made to feel good about themselves, then success in school and beyond will automatically follow. Educators often pursue this objective through programs of self-affirmation, prompting lively debate within the educational community. Many fear that feelings have been given greater weight than competence and character. Experts in the field maintain that excessive promotion of self-esteem can create selfish, unfulfilled people with a distorted self-image. Indeed, the breadth of greedy, egocentric, careless behavior observable in our communities appears to confirm that the current emphasis on feeling good is ill-advised. While thinking for oneself can represent a healthy form of individualism, enshrining the self has served overall to degrade societal sanctions. An inward focus promotes self-tolerance, entitlement, victimhood and narcissism. Each of these lenses obstructs our vision of right self-esteem and its foundation. Just As I Am Tolerance is a critical social lubricant in our diverse society. However, in their haste to promote a virtue, many have misapplied the concept and fallen into the trap of accepting themselves unconditionally: "I must be accepted for who and what I am, regardless of whom and what I am." When we choose to bolster our self-worth in this way, the positive characteristics of tolerance (patience, kindness and respect) are transformed into permissive attitudes that leave negative character traits unchallenged. Accepting ourselves unconditionally is a dangerous aspect of false self-esteem which misconstrues tolerance by rejecting any objective measures for meaningful self-evaluation. Self-esteem and absolute standards are not comfortable bedfellows. Entitlement Mentality In tolerating our personal flaws, we can feel justified in asserting ourselves, defending our perceived rights, and claiming our self-determined fair share. This attitude can deteriorate into an assumption of entitlement: the feeling that we deserve something regardless of whether we have done anything to earn it. The seeds are often sown early in childhood. According to psychologist Lynne Namka, "While it is normal for a child to ask for what he wants, some children are overly demanding and needy. They have not learned to balance taking from others with giving; they view other people as existing merely to give to them." If unchecked, these attitudes intensify and may be manifested in behaviors such as road rage, students demanding better grades than they earn, or corporate executives awarding themselves exorbitant salaries. Attitudes of entitlement have the unfortunate consequence of divorcing both character and behavior from self-esteem. A Society of Victims Self-tolerance and a sense of entitlement produce another malady that is increasingly present in our culture: victimhood-placing the blame for personal inadequacies elsewhere. The growing tendency among many psychologists and medical practitioners is to classify everyday behavioral problems as diseases. In this way bad behavior can be neatly isolated, clinically named, and subsequently treated. Thus an individual is unfettered by accountability for his or her actions. This trend mirrors a broad shift in cultural values from self-control to self-indulgence. I Love Me Individualism holds an elevated position in Western culture and can spawn narcissism-the obsessive love of self. The most worrying aspect of narcissism is the profound disconnection from reality. It promotes extreme responses to needs and desires that are perfectly normal. When the self becomes the center of the individual's universe, disconnection from other people also occurs. The feelings and needs of others take a distant second place, and personal identity is sought within narrow groups that validate self-centered views. The world is viewed from an emotional rather than a rational perspective; personal feelings override distinctions between right and wrong. A Different Kind of Love As society has become increasingly absorbed with the pursuit of individualism, it has lost sight of an important dimension of self-esteem: a standard by which to evaluate the self and its relationships with others. While many people have come to view self-love as the basis of self-worth, at its foundation it is always self-centered. It exists on the edge of dysfunction, because it is motivated primarily by emotions and desires. It loves only because of the pleasure and satisfaction it hopes to gain. In contrast, true and sustainable self-esteem comes from a different source. It is based on outgoing love: a true concern for the well-being of others that subordinates the inwardly directed desires of the self. This love is the core of healthy self-esteem. Brian Orchard is a pastor with 34 years of family counseling experience. He is a father and grandfather and has worked with youth programs in the U.S., Australia and the Philippines. You can read more articles on family and relationships at http://vision.org/visionmedia/overview.aspx?id=96 Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Invasive In-Laws By Armin Brott mrdad.com Dear Mr. Dad: My wife and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say? A: Much as you may not want to hear this, in the minds of your wife's parents, their opinion DOES matter more than yours. Their daughter just gave birth to their grandchild, and they consider themselves to be the best authority on all things related not only to their new grandchild, but to their daughter as well. That's a tough dynamic to change, but you can do it. The big kicker is that your wife has to be on board with you in order to make that change. First of all, you and she will need to have some serious discussions about what, exactly, your role is going to be and what "involved father" means to each of you. It is not uncommon for the man and woman to have very different expectations. Be very specific with each other about who'll be doing what. Who gets up for those three AM feedings? Who's responsible for the diapers-both changing and buying? When will you introduce solid foods and what will that food be? Will you use a playpen or not? Should your baby sleep in the same bed as you and your wife? Are you going to teach your baby sign language? A lot of couples avoid dealing with these issues because they're afraid they'll lead to conflict. But dealing with them now will make life easier for both of you in the long run. Once you hammer out your roles, your wife will have to be the one to break the news to her parents. They won't hear it from you. She'll need to tell them, respectfully, that you and she have decided to raise your child in such and such a way. While you both appreciate their opinions and are very grateful that they're around to help out, you and she will be parenting the way the two of you have agreed. Yes, her parents did a wonderful job of raising their daughter, but times have changed. She should be sure to tell them what wonderful grandparents they already are, and how, as grandparents, they get to have all the fun of parenting with a lot less of the dirty work. With any luck, that talk will have the desired effect. If not, your wife may have to take it up a notch or two by telling her parents that if they can't go along with the parenting program as you've outlined it and respect the two of you as parents, they simply won't be able to spend as much time with their grandchild as they'd like to. Hopefully, it won't come to that. Armin Brott's bestselling books , including The Expectant Father and the recent release Fathering Your School Age Child , have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be-and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows , writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. For more information visit mrdad.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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Getting Kids Back to Nature by Rae Pica When I was a kid we had twice-daily recess on school days, and once the last bell of the day rang, there was never any thought of being indoors. On weekends and summer days, we ran out of the house first thing in the morning, hollered for the next-door neighbor to come out to play, made quick trips in for lunch and supper, and then reemerged until darkness and our moms forced us inside. Today's children spend little or no time outside. With studies showing that children spend from thirty-six to forty-four hours a week with electronics, there's little time left for being outdoors. Also, more and more kids' lives are too overscheduled for free outdoor play. When they're not attending an organized class or program, they're busy with homework, being drilled with flashcards, or "learning" on the computer. And because school is now more about seatwork and meeting requirements for standardized tests, they're lucky if they get fifteen minutes of recess a day. But when children spend most of their time indoors, they're missing out on everything the outdoors has to offer them. To begin with, the outdoors is the best place for young children to practice and master emerging physical skills and to experience the pure joy of movement. It's also the place where they're likely to burn the most calories, which is absolutely necessary in the fight against obesity. Additionally, the outside light stimulates the pineal gland, which is the part of the brain that helps regulate the biological clock, is vital to the immune system, and simply makes us feel happier. Outside light triggers the synthesis of vitamin D. And a number of studies have demonstrated that it increases academic learning and productivity! Young children learn much through their senses, and the outdoors is a virtual wonderland for the senses. There are different and incredible things for the children to see (insects, clouds, and shadows), to hear (traffic sounds, birdsongs, leaves rustling in the wind), to smell (flowers and the rain-soaked ground), to touch (a fuzzy caterpillar or the bark of a tree), and even to taste (newly fallen snow, a raindrop, or a freshly picked blueberry). Children who spend much of their time acquiring experiences through television, computers, and even books are using only two senses (hearing and sight), and this can seriously affect their perceptual abilities. Also, much of this learning, which falls under the content area of science, can't be acquired indoors. Nor can children who spend most of their time indoors be expected to learn to care for the environment. Outside, children are more likely to invent games. As they do, they're able to express themselves and learn about the world in their own way. They feel in control, which promotes autonomy, decision making, and organizational skills. Inventing rules for games promotes an understanding of why rules are necessary. And although children are just playing to have fun, they learn: communication skills and vocabulary, as they invent, modify, and enforce rules; number relationships, as they keep score and count; and social skills, as they learn to play together. Then, too, there's the aesthetic value of the outdoors. Because the natural world is filled with amazing sights, sounds, and textures, it's the perfect resource for the development of aesthetics in young children. Since aesthetic awareness means a heightened sensitivity to the beauty around us, it's something that can serve children well at those times when, as adolescents and adults, the world seems less than beautiful. Children learn their values from the important adults in their lives. When you don't encourage them to go outdoors, they learn that the outside doesn't matter. I realize it may not be possible to go back to the "good old days" when children roamed free. So if concern for your child's safety is keeping her indoors, remember that any time you set aside to play with her can be spent outside. Sometimes it's just a matter of playing outdoors the games you would have played indoors, like Follow the Leader. Also, in the same way you arrange play dates for your little one, you can trade off with other parents who are willing to supervise the children's outdoor play. Or in the same way you hire a babysitter for evenings out, you can hire a daytime "play attendant" when there isn't an adult available. By giving your child every chance to be a part of the outdoors and nature, you'll be contributing to his health and well-being and enriching his experience as a human! After all, we evolved in the outdoors. As much as we may have changed since our days as cave dwellers, our brains are still hardwired for an existence in nature. We therefore have an innate link with it that, when broken, leaves a part of us bereft. Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity, and Free Time Create a Successful Child (Marlowe Co., 2006). She has shared her expertise with such clients as the Sesame Street Research Department, the Centers for Disease Control, Gymboree Play Music, and the President's Council on Physical Fitness Sports. You can visit Rae at www.movingandlearning.com . Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

Connecting with Your Kids: Strategies for Tough Conversations By Dr. Laura Markham www.yourparentingsolutions.com Fewer than half of all sixth graders describe their family communication as positive and only 22% of high school seniors do. What would your kids say? Most kids, once they hit the tween years, regretfully report that there are things about which they can't talk with their parents, either because their parents won't listen, won't understand, or will over-react. Which is our loss, because our ability to parent depends on knowing what's happening in our child's life, and being able to influence him or her. And that derives directly from a depth of communication. The challenge for parents? Learn to listen. Be available without being pushy. And find ways to talk about the hard stuff, so that she feels comfortable sharing with you. If you can control your emotions and keep the situation safe, your child may be able to start sharing her deepest worries. That's when break-throughs happen. How? 1. Don't take it personally. Your teenager slams the door to her bedroom. Your ten year old huffs "Mom, you never understand!" Your four year old screams "I hate you, Daddy!" What's the most important thing to remember? DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY! This isn't primarily about you. It's about them: their tangled up feelings, their difficulty controlling themselves, their immature ability to understand and express their emotions. When your daughter says "You NEVER understand!" try to hear that as information about her -- at this moment she feels like she's never understood -- rather than about you. Taking it personally wounds you, which means you do what we all do when we're hurt: either close off, or lash out, or both, which just worsens a tough situation for all concerned. 2. Manage your own feelings and behavior. The only one you can control in this situation is yourself. That means you: Take a deep breath. Let the hurt go. Remind yourself that your child does in fact love you but can't get in touch with it at the moment. Consciously lower your voice. Try hard to remember what it feels like to be a kid who is upset and over-reacting. Notice if your "story" is making you upset ("But she lied to me!") and if necessary expand the story to change your emotional response: ("My daughter was so afraid of my reaction that she lied to me. I guess I need to look at how I respond when she tells me bad news.") Master your own fear about how she's acting. Just because she's emotionally overwrought at the age of twelve doesn't mean she'll always act this way. 3. Reconnect with your love and empathy for your child. You can still set limits, but you do it from as calm a place as you can muster. Your child will be deeply grateful, even if she can't acknowledge it at the moment. I'm not for a minute suggesting that you let your child treat you disrespectfully. I'm suggesting you act out of love, rather than anger, as you set limits. And if you're too angry to get in touch with your love at the moment, then wait until you are. 4. Always start the conversation by acknowledging your child's position, as near as you can make it out. That takes him off the defensive so he can hear you. Let him take off from your comments to correct and elaborate; then reflect his corrections so he knows you recognize his side of things. 5. Extend respect. Remember that more than one perspective can be true at once. Assume your child has a reason for her views or behavior. It may not be what you would consider a good reason, but she has a reason. If you want to understand her, you'll need to extend her the basic respect of trying to see things from her point of view. Say whatever you need to say and then close your mouth and listen. 6. Keep the conversation safe for everyone. People can't hear when they're upset. If they don't feel safe, they generally withdraw or attack. If your child begins getting angry, scared or hurt, back up and reconnect. Remind him - and yourself - how much you love him, and that you're committed to finding a solution that works for everyone. 7. Try hard to avoid making your child wrong. This isn't about winning, but about teaching. Use "I" statements to describe your feelings ("It scares me when you're late and don't call.") Describe the situation. ("This report card is much worse than your previous report cards.") Give information. ("Our neighbor Mrs. Weiner says that you were smoking in the back yard.") 8. Summon your sense of humor. A light touch almost magically diffuses tension. 9. Remember that expressing anger just makes you more angry because it reinforces your sense that you're right and the other person is wrong. Instead, notice your anger and use it as a signal of what needs to change. For instance, rather than throwing a tantrum because the kids aren't helping around the house, use your anger as a motivator to implement a new system of chores - one they help design -- that will help prevent the problematic situation in the future. Dr. Laura Markham is the founder of the parenting web site www.yourparentingsolutions.com , featuring a popular advice column and parent-tested solutions you can use every day to connect with your kids and create a richer family life. Her work appears regularly on a dozen parenting sites and in print. Dr. Markham specializes in helping families nurture the parent-child relationships that protect today's kids. She lives in New York with her husband, eleven year old daughter, and fifteen year old son. Permission granted for use on DrLaura.com. More >>

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